Dilemma with son and daughter in law

Vintagenanna firstly this is quite a common dilemma. I've read something similar time and time again in GN.

Secondly it needs handling very carefully. Don't make too much of an issue of it even though it is hard. It is rude of the other nana to hog the baby and not offer you a cuddle. It says quite a bit about her and not in her favour. She is quite clearly wanting to be the dominant granny.

This might actually backfire on her.

So think very carefully of your role now. Perhaps you can chat to your DiL and ask how she is. Say she's doing a great job, praise her, support her. Say if she needs anything doing she only has to ask. Make her your friend if she isn't already. And of course the same goes for your son.

By all means ask for a cuddle, but don't make this into a battle. Being a new parent is hard enough without war between respective grannies.

It sounds like your only focus is the baby, don't you want to visit your son (and his family ) ? Of course you want to have a cuddle/ play with the baby, but don't you also want to chat with your son and dil? The two aren't exclusive surely. As cool gran says, just ask - my turn for a cuddle! It seems like you are forgetting the bigger picture. Relax, enjoy time with your family , don't see your visits as just about the baby, try to help the new parents, if the other gran is there can't you make her an ally and not a rival in the gran stakes?

If Mil is there and holding baby, smile sweetly and say something like... isn't she so gorgeous I think it's my turn for a cuddle.