Husband says "He's Had Enouh"

The man is bullying you. Divorce him and share the assets. You can start again and be happy.

I can't see how living in the same house when there is mutual resentment is going to be a long term solution. I think men sometimes come up with these sort of suggestions because they want things to be as easy as possible - which would mean you s
deciding that you don't want that kind of arrangement and moving out. I think you have to separate out the emotional and the practical. Make yourself as aware as possible of your legal and financial rights and don't delay while the relationship is dealt with, if it can be.

He sounds like an old fashioned traditional husband, who wants you as his wife, an accessory rather than an equal separate person that chooses to be with him (for now). Maybe some of his friends have teased him about your being out so much and even suggested, as a joke, that you are having an affair. If so he may feel his status is being threatened.

It could be that he loves you and wants you, and as a man, that means sex. If you are fond of him, would it hurt to indulge him sometimes? There are ways to get your sex drive back if you've lost it (I understand that there is a female version of viagra). On the other hand, if you feel he is just like a brother to you, and that is all you want, then maybe in fairness to him you should split up so that he can find what he wants elsewhere. Even in this enlightened age there are plenty of lonely women around happy to be a doormats!

Perhaps you could join him on a walk with the dog sometimes, and or, go for a drive/visit which entails a long drive home in the dark. There is something about sitting in a car at night that enables people to pour their heart out and speak the truth to each other.

Balini....just saw your post too!

@trueblue22

You are right to not cancel the party,your pregnant daughter will not need the worry,and having friends and family around will lift your spirits.Ignore your DH at the party and enjoy yourself.
You have formed a good social life ,meeting new people and taking responsibility in some of the activities.Sounds as if your husband resents both that and your lack of attention.
Let him try his separate life for a month.
Let him buy and cook his own food,do his own washing and ironing etc and you look after yourself.
I suspect it would be a reality check for him,and who knows,you may find that you actually enjoy the freedom of not having to consider his moods.
You are mid 60,s and may live for another 20 years+
Do you want to be carrying this problem along with you?

Agree to his suggestion. Then tell him, he must do his own laundry, cooking, clean up the kitchen, his share of the housework and shopping for groceries, cleaning products, etc, etc. Then see if he's still keen on the idea. If not, tell him he must move on, as it was his idea. He sounds a selfish b-----d, anyway. I'm a man by the way.

So many wise words have been written! Following on from Lilylilo's post - how about picturing what your life could be like in say 15 - 20 years, dependant on which route you decide to take. Only you know the answer to that. Best wishes.

You sound so positive and full of life, yet it seems that your husband's moods and sulking are dragging you down.

Possibly counselling might help, or it might be time to go your own separate ways.

Good luck with whatever you decide. You deserve better!

He's sulking really isn't he - you're not at his beck and call so much and you are enjoying life. Men can get so grumpy when they retire - it's their own fault - they don't keep up
with friends the way women do, they do 't have the house to look after, they often don't have hobbies.
Would he like to try a couple of

weeks on his own somewhere- sampling what life on his own would be like ? You can't be totally
responsible for his social life - what
would happen if you suddenly popped your clogs?
What a lot of men fail to realise is
that sulking is deeply unattractive,
deeply unsexy and a huge turn off. Why would you be interested in sex when he's a grumpy old sod??
Young , dark, moody and fabulously attractive is one thing , old, moody and grumpy is another!!
You could tell him to shape up or ship out !!

Maybe he wants your company more but if he won't do things with you he is making it difficult. You say you also say you spend a lot of time on laptop/computer playing bridge my hubby hates me being on too long as I do him both feel ignored . Maybe he is missing work more than he lets on and is feeling a man with no purpose . It must be a horrible time for you both and I hope your present situation is over soon whichever way it goes ?

For me, separate lives would mean separate laundry, meals, cleaning, shopping, etc. Does he want you to stay as a live in servant and continue with all of the daily chores involved with running a home?

I wonder OP if you could encourage him to cultivate some interests of his
own ? My OH was at a loss when he first retired until he found something that really interested in now he spends more time on his own interests than I do on mine.
We're far happier for it and I don't feel that I am responsible for his entertainment.

Haven't read the whole post but have one point. Sorry if it's already been said. Separate lives makes him responsible for himself, his washing, cooking, shopping etc. Maybe you need to make him aware of that.

Hmm. Beginning to think might know where OP DH is coming from.

I apologise if I have missed something but I'm a little confused. Your husband has said that he wants a traditional wife (I assume he means someone at his beck and call) or you lead separate lives under the same roof? So, the reality of that (emotions aside) would be worse for him than it is now. You would continue your activities, the stuff you currently do together would stop and he'd have to do his own shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. He'd be in a worse position than he is now so what does he have to gain? Could it be that he is simply disgruntled and thinks throwing this at you will bring you to heel

If he wants you both to carry on living in the same house and you are out all the time what does he say will change sounds to me like he wants to get out there and maybe meet other women as he mentioned your lack of interest in sex but still have the convenience of a wife at home call his bluff and put the house up for sale.

margaretx Yes, I'm trueblue22 on BBO. I tend to play tournaments although Ican sometim es be found in Acol room. What's your profile?

Trueblue -that's wher I'm gong wrong with BRidge. I should try insulting the men more but honestly GermanS are not always polite players and I find the women easier

I know I'm going off the thread but do you play online with BBO
I do most evenings.

MargaretX We've had separate bedrooms for 10 years. Wouldn't have it any other way.

He nows I play better bridge than him, but I don't criticise him too much when he hasn't got a clue on correct bidding. His play is good though.

I like playing bridge with men, they don't mind me being rude to them. Women can be a bit sensitive...me included I suppose

Could the first step be to have your owm bedroom and your own single bed. I was amazed to read with all that dislike and confrontation you were sharing a bed.

Try that. Is he your Bridge partner? If he is and he is good he would be a loss, speaking as a Bridge player. He might be jealous of your playing more Bridge at a higher level without him.
My experience of Bridge is that the men are often controlling and always right. I play with women partners for this reason.
Then if you really don't like him then leave him you are too young to just carry on when you could be free and even go out evenings again instead of sitting with him.

I think your comment tired old woman is a bit harsh.

aggie I think you hit the nail on the head! ha ha. Still, I'm playing it very cool today and unnerving him quite a bit.

He was just frustrated at not getting sex in the morning when he woke with an erection , no idea that you didn't share his selfish feelings . Sex in the am has been the breaker in many relationships

He's planning or having a sexual relationship with someone else .

Being in your sixties doesn't mean you can't change your life and have a new one. You are an independent woman . I stayed far too long with a controlling and then physically abusive man. I left a 42 year marriage at 61. I've never been happier than I am now. I should have left years ago but you can't change the past, but you can change the future. The divorce process was horrible and long drawn out because he was so manipulative bu everybody outside thought he was " such a nice man" little did they know! Good luck! Take some control back