Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

Wonderful news Rhinestone!

Rhinestone, I dont want to put a dampner on your exciting news but please be careful! My younger daughter contacted me a few months back with what started off as a freindly email then she went on saying she was being evicted and in a lot of debt would I help her out. I said I wasnt in a financial position to help her but if she came over to see me with all her unpaid bills I would help her sort things out and she sent me a vile email calling me everything under the sun because I wouldnt give her money!
It seems that this is what estranged children do, they reel you in and when you don't do what they want they stab you in the back!

sorry forgot to add I truly hope that that isnt the case and that he wants to make amends.

Rhinestone so pleased truly hope it is a good sign ????

Heart warming Rhinestone How long have you been estranged? sorry can't remember now, so many of us [can't even end that with a lol, as not funny!] Don't think about if he will ask for cash help, he may, but I think he won't, if he has chosen to live an alternative life style. Just give him a big hug & kiss and say how much you love him and have missed him. Good luck on your meeting

Smiless Fairydoll*Mumsy*Celebgran*Thank you for your good wishes for tomorrow.
I don't think he will ask me for money but I will be cautious about that. I know my daughter talked to him months ago about writing us a keeper but he had said he wasn't ready. So I don't know if that had anything to do with it or not. I know he hadn't been feeling well in July and it worries me as he almost died from bleeding ulcers about eight years ago. There are a few things that we need to talk about to clear the air of my confusion. I am thinking positive that it will go well. Thanks for all your support.

It should read ... Writing us a letter not a keeper

Mumsy I wondered myself, what was going on a few months back when I suddenly got emails, my email add but for my estD regarding work [she's never worked as such, from college to au-pair in Malta] Then FB page unblocked me & ND! Owing to emails I checked FB for her and normally nothing comes up, like she doesn't excised, but this time it came up your daughter and her name & picture! We found out that nasty s.i.l's business had gone bankrupt, so was my estD reaching out to us, or did nasty think he could actually collar me for money, after the nightmare he had created in my family, I may never know

To be honest here if my girls contacted me now after all this time I would hold them at arms length, I would never let myself be reeled in like I have in the past, its all gone beyond a mother daughter relationship!

I feel as you do Mumsy. It's taken every ounce of our strength and resolve to claw our way out of the pit of despair our ES's treatment put us in, and I'm not sure either of us would be able to do so a second time.

That was so strange wasn't it Yogagirl, something after so long of that deafening silence and then that silence again. I wonder if you'll ever know.

Hope you all had a good weekend. We had some lovely warmyesterday but it's pretty gloomy today. Just waiting to see if this week brings an exchange of contracts. I keep thinking how wonderful it will be to leave that house for the last time, knowing that we'll never have to go back there again.

Hope you're feeling OK Luckylegs and that your tooth is better Celeb.

Well Smilelss tooth coming outmfriday ??

Saw dr had cortisone jab each knees bless him only supposed to have one?

Fingers crossed it will help.

Sad say goodbye to dear son and family, exciting they hope buy own home v soon.
sons partner was v kind it helps so much to have her in our lives she has invited us for Xmas again my friends wil remember wasn't exactly easy for us last year, but is great that she wants us.

Ds off to Australia for work in October and he works so hard, he did write to ed but n response and even told her about dear husbands b cancer tests zero response we have to accept she doesn't care at all.

I agree mumsy and Smilless the relationship with my ed is gone for good. I wish to god it had t happened but 7 years of refused olive branches we would be mentally unstable to carry on hoping. We now look forward with those that do care.

Yogagirl forgot you had that strange email f book unblock weird. Xx

Rhinestone. I don't usually post on this thread but just wanted to say that I really hope your meeting with your son is a positive experience and brings some healing to the relationship. Good luck.

That's great news about Christmas Celeb, I'm sure it'll go better than last year. Is you DS away for the whole of October? You'll miss him I know but at least you know he's coming back. It seems as though the counselling sessions are enabling you to let go of your ED. Accepting that the relationship is over is hard but for me, strangely empowering. It helps you to look forward instead of constantly looking back and asking that un answerable question; why?

Even though we know they no longer care, it still comes as a shock. That's how we felt when Mr. S. was taken ill in Aus. with a suspected heart attack. You think that the threat of a serious illness may be the one thing that brings them to their senses and it's impossible to understand how they can be so cold.

Hope all goes well at the dentist on Friday.

Well Rhinestone today's the day. I can hardly wait for you to let us know how the meeting with your son went. I hope it goes well and marks the beginning of a new chapter in your life with your son.

Just to let Rhinestone know that she is in my thoughts today. I truly hope the meeting can at least bring some peace, and hopefully a new start.

Nothing has changed for me, despite my son doing everything in his power. I have never heard him as down as he was when he spoke to me at the weekend. I can't get him out of my mind, it's not what I want for him. The stupid woman thinks she's won, and can't see that, in actual fact, she is losing a damn good man. I don't know what - if anything - to do. Probably best left.

Much love to all.x.

Dear Rosy - again your situation sounds just like mine. In theory our son is going to visit us one day next week - with wife and children - but I`ll believe it when I see it. She has so many times said that she will come but there is always an excuse at the last minute. This morning I nearly bought a few toys for the kids to keep them amused if they do come but then decided it just isn`t worth it. What is the matter with these girls? Like your son, our`s is very near to the end of his tether

Rosy you have kept quiet for all this time, so continue that now. Your Son's marriage is an unhappy one, how can it not be, when his wife is asking him to hurt his mother in keeping you from your beloved GD, so cruel and unnecessary! Why couldn't our estranged AC just have said "NO!"

I try to move on and forget, when I'm very busy or with my ND & baby, I can, but the rest of the time it's still so so painful, to the point of not wanting to go on with this sorrowful life of missing the ones, my family, that I loved with all of my heart & soul. The worst thing being that the special bond I had with my beloved GD is gone forever, even if we were to be reunited tomorrow, it's gone can never turn the clock back and begin again from that point, it's over! We would begin again with my GC looking on me as a stranger, no memories of our loving times together It could never become what it would have been

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and good wishes. Yesterday was a blend of happiness and sadness at the same time for me. I picked my son up and we went to lunch. We just exchanged small chit chat until I finally said to him that we ought to address the elephant in the room.
He said he needed to spend time doing his life his way without the " cultural norms" of society. I asked why he couldn't tell me that beforehand. He said that my mom and I brought up our children under the laws of society,meaning we followed the pattern that everyone else did of school, work, then get a family. I was programmed he said and I programmed him and my daughter. He doesn't agree that people should live that way, doing what society dictates we all " have" to do like call each other on birthdays or holidays etc. ( I can hear what you all are thinking as so feel the same way) All I kept thinking is " where did I go wrong?"or " did I
raise a free thinker?" I asked why he still kept in touch with his dad. He said that he wanted to find out if his dad was the jerk everyone thought he was when married to his second wife.
He told me about the conspiracy theory's of different things even saying that our two candidates for president conspired to make Trump the republican candidate. All I kept thinking was that nothing has changed from two years ago and is this mental illness as he sounded like my brother who has paranoia problems and my mother when she's manic. I wanted to cry.
We sat and talked a long time and I finally paid. He tells me he can read the waitresses mind and she said the word" finally" after I paid her.

He wanted to take a walk in a park so we go there. But he wants me to leave my phone in the car. I said that it's in my pocket. He says " they" can listen in even when your phone is off. I say who are you talking about and he says the government. ( mind you his phone was on and present in the restaurant) Well he wouldn't walk with me because I wouldn't leave my phone . It was late anyways and I had to drive an hour home. He wasn't mad and I took him home. I know we will stay in touch.
I called his dad on the way home and all he said is that our son's theories had some validity but that he felt his was " way out there."

So now I don't know what to think. I told my son I didn't want to walk on eggshells fearing what so say. He said nothing. What happened to my sweet little boy who was so easy to raise?
I cannot change him nor make him get help. It was an afternoon of him judging people and how they lived. Of him being right and the world wrong. I don't know how many time he criticized me for working hard and being what he calls a " slave to society."
I must have told him over and over that I was happy with my lifestyle.
I told him that I would respect his feelings and he should respect mine and we should not try to change each other or have expectations. He agreed.

Reading all of that Rhinestone, you have actually gained a great deal of insight, and perhaps ended up in the best place you can be, given all that you have learned. Now, you will have a lifetime of worrying. For your precious boy who, by being true to what he believes in, is actually making his own life very complicated. I believe his words have exonerated you from any blame you may have felt for his behaviour, whether he intended to or not. This is a very confused - and I think possibly unwell - young man. None of this is your fault, so take comfort in the fact that you brought your child up in the best and right way. That he has rejected these societal norms is sad.....but not your fault.

Hold on tightly to the knowledge you have gained, and remember you gave this troubled young man what we all strive to do......Roots and Wings. What comes next is out of our control. Your lad has a broken wing right now, and one day it might be mended and he will fly back to you.

I feel your pain....Rosy.x.

RosyglowYou are spot on about him being unwell and confused and angry about the world. His theories began after he took a philosophy class in college in his twenties. But I also know for many youth that's the time mental illness shoes itself. He will never get help as he thinks there is nothing wrong. He would have to be a harm to himself for me to have him out into a hospital. My brother takes no medicines and he goes out of his house once a mo th for groceries. He too lives on the Internet and despises the world. I'm scared for him and me.

Lovely post Rosy.

Rhinstone, I feel your pain I know how hard it is with a child with a mental illness.

Oh dear Rhinestone So a bitter-sweet reunion with your Son. At least you have him back and his mind-set my change as he matures. I hate to say this, but your Son sounds like mine, being criticized for working hard and being a home owner. The young people choosing an alternative life style have a strange and out of touch philosophy on life. How strange he is now in touch with his father, same with mine, well last I heard.

Good post Rosy Wonder if drugs play a part in all this, they do in my Son's case, plus with my Son he contracted Lymes decease, which was not diagnosed for 2yrs when my Son went to a specialist. Lymes decease effects the brain if untreated!

Here I am again I remember a year or two back when myself Smileless & Celebgran reluctantly agreed that maybe the thread had 'run it's course' and there was no more to be said Yet here we are with more slants on the subject

The worst thing for me is that I know, and it has been clearly shown, that my nasty s.i.l does not love my estD, he does not love my GD, his stepD. I remember the first time I was a target to his lies, was after I had called the police after going to my now estD house on a sunny midday [1pm] with all the heavy curtains pulled. I thought maybe my D had slipped and knocked herself out in the bath or the like, and needed help. No reply to knocks on the door, home phone, mobile. I had no idea I was about to be 'cut out'.

When the police arrived with same no responses from inside, they jumped over the garden fence, to see nasty s.i.l in the kitchen! This is where he opened the door to the police and then throw his arm/fist at me and told me to "F* OFF".
It was then relayed to me that I had said to the police "I fear for my D&GD" no mention for my GS, but of course I had said "I fear for my D&GC" The next lie from nasty was that I'd said to the police when they came back out,that I feared for my D as my s.i.l is very violent! Both these things I hadn't said, but as this was the first taste of his lying, you think to yourself 'did I say that? [confued[
Only after, could I look back and see all the previous lies, especially making my estD the vilain of the peace with their big argument, where this all began!

dont think this thread will ever run its course, its great to know and have the support there when you need it.