Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

Welcome sparkly grandma agree it's been 7 years for us and we have accepted to try and move on but the sadness is always there, especially when our estranged daughter was seriously ill in March and no one told us, we drove over with her godfather to deliver orcnid, freesias, card, had curtains drawn in our face and we undeterred sent lovley card and cheque ignore uncashed so we decided no. MOre presents I wrote to agony aunt bel mooney and she advised to concentrate taste more on those that do love us rather than prodigal daughter who seems to have such hatred for us.
Sound advice,

It has damaged us, I am having c b therapy nhs half hour sessions not had one for 3 weeks she was away then us it is not very adequate but am desperate to try and cope with all the residue of pain and heartbreak,

Oh rosy glow my heart goes out to you imo I would see your son anyway however emotional your name please do t risk upsetting your son it really does t sound like it is him to blame at all.

So very sorry you got this to deal with.

My birthday tomorrow I would give the world to hear from my daighter.

Thanks celeb, and best wishes for tomorrow. Mine was last Wednesday. I had lovely flowers, posh chocs and my favourite Chanel 5 from my son and granddaughter.

My son said he understood perfectly how I felt.....which is bloody amazing, cos I don't!! It was just a knee jerk reaction to all that we were both trying to process at that exact minute. In a week or so, I'm hoping we will be able to attempt to accept the situation, although there will always be the elephant in the room. Despite everything I have purposely never said anything bad to him about his wife. Now does he to me.x.

Thank you celebgran, and hope you trying the cbt and putting it out of your mind helps.

Funny on here today, supposed to be filling out an application form but gransnet is lovely and too tempting.

Celebgran I know what you're going through. Since my exDiL caused havoc in our family my daughter has fallen out with all of us. The last text message she sent me - in November 2015 - was to tell me I am a narcissistic mother. My exDiL is without a doubt a narcissist and I think that between the two of them they decided I was. I know my DD suffers from depression and has paranoid episodes but that is when I had to draw the line after years of us not getting on very well. I too went for CBT counselling through NHS. It is very helpful. But the problem is still there. I have lost my daughter and it hurts so much. In 3 weeks it will be her 40th Birthday and I wanted to make a fuss of her, I wanted to send her Stevie Wonder CD with 'Isn't she Lovely' on it as that record came out when she was born and £40 Waterstones voucher (her favourite shop). I don't know whether to send her a card as I have no idea if she regrets what she said or not and whether me sending her a card might make her angry and spoil her day. But then, I can't bear to think of her lonely on her birthday with no cards or presents from her family. She will always be my daughter and I will always love her and miss her but I just can't take any more.

Ukecan61 so sorry you too have this heartache. My dear husband went to see ed o. Her 30thn over 5 years ago and I sent present she spoke to him in car as s I law said he wasn't welcome in house, she never told her dad she had just had another baby, so you can imagine what we have for through, it was an ex friend of hers told us 6 months later and it totally destroyed me that she could do that to us,

But she can and she has.

Counsellor was ok today but half hour is bit of a joke normally gives me 45 mins, took her Mother's Day card and thank u letter ed wrote after her wedding so she could see we were close at that time,

Funnily enough mothers day card says if she lucky enough had children she hopes to be as good a mum as me!

18 months later she wrote to insult me and say k wasn't good enough to see my granddaughter she had to protect her from me?. It does t add up does it?

Phew has been a scorcher today, dh chose me 2 lovely prs gold hoop earrings, last birthday lesson from ed was gold hoops that I still wear, I also got some nice smelliest and fengal bath stuff still love that and some Nina Ricci perfume different one I like l'-air due temps, but this is just called Nina.

We had meal and went to theatre but left halfway as wasn't that good and we were so hot after shopping ??

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" Celebgran

* So very sorry Rosy about not seeing your DGD on your birthday, what a mean & cruel women your d.i.l is! You should see your Son though, he fought your corner but didn't succeed sadly, so wrong

Welcome SparklyGran

Ukcan send your estD the card & presents, it may break this estrangement. My Son's 30th coming up, so I'm thinking of him a lot now, I can't send a card as no add. but I think I will send an email wishing him a 'happy birthday' and to say that the next big occasion will be his sister's wedding, where he would have been walking her down the isle and what a wonderful day it would have been for him too, what wonderful memories he would have had and what a privilege to walk his sister down the isle. He has no reason to have followed his sister into estrangement, just nasty giving him the 'we're brothers' crap, if my estD & nasty ever broke up, nasty would kick my Son to the kerb in seconds, he is only using him to stick the knife in my back one more time!

Sorry: aisle [I think]

'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Celebgran, happy birthday to you'

Welcome SparklyGran ooh you sound just like me. I'm supposed to be doing some accounts and yet here I am on here; it's just tooo tempting isn't it.

No, you didn't do anything wrong Rosy and you didn't let him down; you were thinking about him and your GD, putting their immediate needs and welfare before your own. He sounds lovely, your son.

Well ladies, we got a 'phone call yesterday telling us the mortgage provider for our buyers buyer now wants a timber survey. Yep, 7 working days before we'd all agreed to exchange and complete NOW they want an additional survey.

It doesn't look as if we'll complete before we go to Florida nowand we're worried that it could all fall through as we still haven't exchanged contracts. Can you imagine us receiving an email telling us it's all fallen through while we're away.

So we've come up with plan B. We talked it through yesterday and are able to come up with the money for our purchase without selling our house in the short term, so if it comes to it and we lose our buyer we'll have to put it back on the market.

What a bloody nightmare; can you believe it.

Hell on wheels Smilelss sooo stressful for you both

When you off to Florida?

Just enjoying couple glasses champagne well it is my birthday ?????

Feeling. Very love and blessed maybe myndaighter doesn't love or want me but so many people do it is a wonderful fleeing,

Fingers crossed it does t fall through Smilelss xxx

Happy Birthday Celebgran! Hope you've had good day and been spoilt by DH. xxx

Wow I certainly have been spoilt ladies and I have to be honest have not felt sad about doing just very lucky and blessed to be so loved???

Yogagirl thanks for your advice - it is hard when an EC's big birthday is coming up - 30th or 40th etc because it is also a special day for the Mum (and Dad) as it celebrates the birth of a much wanted and much loved baby. The estranged child will be unlikely to give that a single thought. I did buy her a 40th Birthday card today, nothing flashy, quite a simple but pretty one - it says 'Lots of Love' on it. But I'm not sure about sending her presents???
I'll give it some thought.
I keep looking back at all the posts on here and trying to remember who is estranged from who and why but I keep getting mixed up with you all!
A little resume from some of you could be helpful.....just a short one? xxx

Happiest of birthdays Celebgran. I hope it's a better year for you.
Ukecan I agree with Yogagirlto send cards to your ED. If it doesn't help break the estrangement you can always stop as we did to my ESS and his wife. But you have nothing but pride to loose.
My son actually told my husband he thought he could be here for my birthday next week. I think because my son isn't married he needed family and reconciled taking all the blame for the estrangement.
I know he has some paranoia problems now and wonder which is worse ... not seeing your child or seeing your child with mental problems knowing there's not a thing you can do. Either way it's torture.

I forgot to tell Rosy by all means to tell see her son. What are these men so afraid of?

Thanks rhinestone ? Was great today and today have dear nephew and family visiting with little o Es, our elderly e I or is coming too as she has chosen gift for new baby,

Breakfast resume ukean I have much loved son and daughter our son is our rock, sadly daughter cut us out very shortly after marrying, over 7 years ago, she. Arrived 10 years ago and had our first g daughter 8 years ago, we we're beyond nd thrilled and did all we could I drove 40 miles each way to visit every week for 9 months then we were cut off abruptly there were signs and now feel cross didn't read them, it happened just 2 months after her grandad died and me and husband were devastated it was a dark time. There was no final row or anything just em reading derogatory text on her phone to b friend and to this day never discussed it.

I made her aware via text that had read it, how stupid was I ?
Her response was she had new family now, and I had upset ner when her grandad died, no details,

We had volatile relationship but I loved ner dearly still do and has totally broken our hearts,

Sorry that was t brief ?

However life goes on and have just had wonderful birthday and so appreciate those in my life that do still love me if that doesn't sound too corny,

Wish could edit sorry ukean meant brief resume and she married 10 years ago

We also spent long while writing, sending flowers leaving messages, we have no phone contact she changed all nos, for our efforts she got us an harassment warning, we complained and finally local mp sorted it with police as they admitted we had done nothing wrong.

For 7 years have sent X as and birthday gifts even to 2 little ones never todo about food. Out by accident, never an acknowledgement, so have finally stopped that this year.

Horrendous action for much cared for daughter to take, but it is her choice and we have to let her go as it has badly affected my husbands health, and mind also but he is older.

Welcome Sparkly, sorry you have problems too. Got very low myself recently and know I must snap out of it and coming on here makes me do that, it just seems so pointless without my husband and all this situation never ending. Rosy what an awful situation for your son and yourself. Celebregran, sorry it's belated, but a very happy birthday to you and hope the year ahead is an improvement on your last. You are doing so well after all you have been through. Smileless, this move must be so frustrating, think you will be glad to be out of the country for a while, sorry you had to let your little fog home but you had no choice really, he could never have coped with the move. Yoga girl, fancy going to Crete to do Yoga, I could do with that myself, shall expect a rejuvenated and rested girl on your return. All the best Rhinestone and everyone else on here, have a good weekend and treat yourselves.

Thanks Celebgran I'm in the picture now. Sad the way beloved kids can treat their parents. I didn't get on particularly well with my dad but I knew he loved us kids he was just a bit distant. However once as teenager I said something really mean to him and I still cringe and feel terrible when I think how it must have hurt him. It seems nowadays that anyone can say anything to people and they don't seem to hava a conscience or empathy.
Thanks Rhinestone I will send her a card.
Oh Smileless I hope everything works out with the house and that you can enjoy your holiday.
Hope you all have a nice weekend.

[flowers wine]

Ha, sorry - I was just trying out whether you can use just one set of brackets for multiple icons but it doesn't work! :-)

Ukcan I use ones from iPad!??? no ? anymore.

Luckily smileless off to Florida shortly can't remember date and hope she will keep us in the loop normally does?.

Yes ukan a lovley lady from across the pond says it says more about our rd than us that,we have not bee. Treated with any respect or loyalty very hard to believe but sadly that's way it is.

On bright note had lovley cuddle with baby xxxxxx yesterday my newest g nephew and I did enjoy! Also big cuddles with his older sister who had fine game hid and seek with dh, it saddens me he would been such lovely grandad, I got some lovley flowers and my favourite chocs will ration out when lost bit more cruise weight,
We out for 3 course meal with friends tonight is special offer I c glass wine and food home cooked too goo be true been before, is little drive but now t our turn tonight ??.
Our dear neibor 92 now came round with Pressy for little ones, she forgot her h aid?But it went very well anyway. Was lovely afternoon, then had great evening with friends so good day all round.

Happy weekend all ?? we have ☔️Here like winter since yesterday,

Rhinestone is v sad glad your son back in life but so sorry about his problems,

Not our turn tonight thankfully we have both struggled since cruise ref tiredness,

Had my C b therapy wed but half hour is not v long and it seems to upset me now after all this time not sure how much good is doing me. She said I need some sort closure and felt mediaiton would help but I don't want another upset with dh we have been through enough he comes first,

Gosh Celebgran, I'm surprised she's suggested mediation when it's been so long since you had any contact with her and all of your many attempts to initiate contact have been ignored. She must have realized how distraught you both were when you heard of her near fatal illness, and still wouldn't acknowledge you.

Well, this Thursday and Friday the removal firm will be in our house, packing up all of our possessions and on Friday we'll leave it for the last time. Then the following Friday we'll be off to Florida. Can't wait; Magic Kingdom here I come.

It must be so hard for you Luckylegs. We all have our bad times; days, weeks even longer sometimes. It's perfectly understandable so don't put yourself under pressure, by telling yourself you 'need to snap out of it', it will pass.

I hope you get a positive response to the card your sending UkeCan. I don't think any of us, anyone who is abandoned and abused by their own child, will ever be able to understand how they could be so cruel.

We are estranged from our son, the destruction of our wonderful relationship being instigated by his wife, eventually aided by him. We have 2 GS's, one aged 4.5 the other 10 months old. They live about 350 yards down the road from us (hence our forthcoming move). Haven't had contact with eldest since he was 8 months and never had any with the youngest who, ironically shares his birthday with Mr. S.

We've avoided initiating any form of contact with our ES. No birthday or Christmas cards have been sent to him after he told us we were no longer a part of his life and were to stay away. Not the stand everyone would take but I do believe it's the best thing we could have done. Cards are sent to the GC (one always going in their memory box) and, well I guess that's it.

just read back those last 2 paragraphs and still can't believe it.

Looking forward to going out with Mr. S. for a Chinese tonight (meal of course). Our little poodle is missing his much older and grumpy brother even though they never really 'got' on; as are we. Keep expecting to look up and see him on the sheepskin rug I bought just because he loved the one at our house.

Weather crap here today, was crap yesterdaystill it's the weekend sofor us all.