Support for those estranged from family members. Moving on together,

Oh dear yogagirl.

We wrestling with do we don't we sent vouchers to 3 little ones for 8th year withOut any response. last year we sent despite advice from bel mooney mail problem page editor to leave it as is too distressing.

It seems so wrong not to despite the cruelty of our daughter they are our grandchildren even if 2 we have ever seen.

I am not a fan of putting money in an acccout as when we die they are in our will.

I photograph everything for blog so at least one day xxxxxxx will know we cared.

Is a difficult one.

Carefully chosen card are probably thrown in bin how could xxx explain us to them?
I dread to think.

So sorry yogagirl but u may still get response.

Might add for first 4or 5 years we sent carefully chosen presents and vouchers until gradually all the HOPE died.

*Yogagirl*; perhaps no response is better than a nasty one. When it was our ES's 30th, she had banners and balloons outside their house and would have had a party for him. I did wonder if that would rub salt in the wound for him; friends in attendance but no family.

It's his 32nd bday on Wednesday but we wont be sending a card or message. Haven't bothered for 4 years, when I'd 'phoned him to tell him we had his card and present and discovered he'd blocked our 'phone number. TBH for me, not sending anything makes the day easier to deal with, I tend not to dwell on it like I used too.

It will be our youngest GC's 1st bday on November 16th, same day as Mr. S.; there'll be a card in the post for him and a spare for his memory box.

Great news about your test results Celeb, you must be relieved. A lady on another site goes on, refers to the 'hope devil', rather apt as there's nothing worse than having hope when it's misplaced.

Our young friend flew home yesterday and we return tomorrow, arriving back in the UK on Tuesday morning. Just a couple of days before we move into our new home on Friday. I get butterflies just thinking about it. I keep picturing the house, and how it will look but can't imagine living there, it's going to feel very strange having lived in our old house for so long.

We've decided not to return to Florida until next October. We were due to come back in May but have decided to get ourselves well and truly settled in to our new home. We wont have much time before we go to Aus for Christmas and the New Year to be with DS and lovely d.i.l.. I'm desperate to see him but wish we weren't having to jet off again before we've settled in.

Thanks Yogagirl. I'm normally quite good at 'bouncing back' and over the last few days have tried to do things that would take my mind off the bad stuff. I have to keep reminding myself of the happy times as when someone repeatedly tells you that you were a bad mother you end up believing them. It's like mind games with my son and daughter or even mental abuse. Thank heavens my youngest daughter still loves me and tells me I was a really good mum and my sister tells me the same.
Sorry your son didn't respond either. It makes you wonder what goes on in their minds or if anything actually goes on in there at all! Do they really completely forget everything? Yes Christmas and borthdays are the hardest times. x
Celebgran so glad your ovary test results are good. It's so scary when you think you may have something nasty.
Cappuccina welcome and so sorry you are suffering the same sad plight. My ED
also has been 'odd' over the years since a teenager. Sometimes we got on really well and then I would be shunned in favour of her Dad then her loyalties would change and he would be the bad one. We never knew where we were with her. After her Dad(my ex)died she completely turned against me and her siblings.
Smileless you always have such wise words and I find them helpful. I think I am finding it difficult to accept that it's over between my ED and possibly now my DS is because it is not the natural way of things and I feel drawing a line under the relationships with 2 of my kids is so final and in a way makes me feel guilty because I am their Mum - even after the nasty things they have said and the vulgar names I have been called. My DH says it is abuse and I don't and shouldn't have to put up with it.
Much love to all xxxxx

Morning Girls

Thank you Celebgran & Smileless There's that date again, 16th Nov, that's the date I was 'cut-out' and the date I married their dad I only have email add. for both D&S, but when I did have D add. I didn't send card, how can you send a card with 'Dear Daughter' on, of course you can't!
Well I got a one-liner from my Son when I sent him a 'happy Xmas' message last year; 'oh! how touching!' but he was being sarcastic

I was really ill yesterday, I had booked a table at Toby Carvery, to take my neighbour that looks after my little dog when I'm away, felt find during my two classes, but when I got home at 2.30pm, I had to go to bed and cancel booking, I stayed in bed till 4am, then got up to let me little dog out for a wee, but went back to bed till 7am still don't feel right.

Ucan It's never out of my mind, wish I could switch a switch and turn off all thoughts of them, my ND suggested a hypnotise Why my Son has turned against us all I cannot fathom, at lest with my D it's brainwashing from her nasty Husband & his mother! 4 years, I cannot believe it's been so long My estD birthday on the 23rd Nov, we always made such a big fuss of her, I know her nasty H doesn't believe in cards, or presents, so I always wonder how she cannot think of us and miss us and all the fuss on her birthday

Damn iPad still keeps freezing just lost my post.

Yogagirl hope your u feeling lot better now was it emotional or cold?

I have had lovely day with old friend and she said I am a different person to before it all went wrong with xxx it has affected us both mentally and physically.
We wrote to our estranged daughter to ask how she is now etc and explain that mediation is a lot easier than going to court.
I expect it will be ignored like every other letter for last 8 years but we tried,
We find it impossible to say goodbye to our only daughter and grandaughters.

Ukecan nice to see you post.
Smileless can't believe nearly a year time ticks by so frighteningly ?Wow Nov 16 is not happiest dates for u and yogagirl.

I agree totally smileless we have to make the best of what we have left.

Saved some good news til last I have lost 4lb.

Hello All- I haven't been on as I haven't felt well ( no surprise there) I am just getting over a UTI my second one in six months. Prior to that I haven't had one in 25 years.
I am seeing my counselor today in the hopes that she can help me with the alcohol issue with my DD divorce. How the part of the Court that handles children's issues could say that my daughter has to wait until something happens with her soon to be alcoholic X before they do anything is beyond me. I stayed home and cried for two days. The social worker told my DD that there are many " functional alcoholics."
And they are for children??
It's seems like many of us have family members with birthdays this month. We do too. It will be our EGS 6th birthday. My DH does not want to send anything as he isn't sure they will give it to him or even tell him who it is from. I feel like he has forgotten us anyways. My anger grows more and more each year instead of it fading. Ukecan I have wondered what happened to our happy get togethers and memories also.
Yogagirl Hope you feel better soon.
Celebgranglad your tests came out good.
CappucinaWelcome to you. We are here for you. We may be able to solve the problem but we are great support for each other.
SmilelessGlad you had a good get away. You probably can't believe all that's going on in our election for president. I can't wait to hear about your new home. I hope your move runs smoothly.

LuckylegsI forgot to say that your attitude about traveling and making new friends is spot on and if we aren't going to take care of us who will? Go ahead and enjoy your life

rhinestone

Just had to respond to your comment to Smileless re the election.

YES we do believe it!! We have it morning, noon and night on our news channels - ha ha! We are off to Florida on 7th Nov and of course the election is the following day!

Cannot believe you have the choice of these two people for president. I guess,you have to choose the lesser of the two evils.

Sorry to hear what's going on with your DD.

Fairydoll enjoy Florida !

I too cannot believe the 2 choices of president both as poor as each other imo.

Welcome back rhinesntone sorry u been unwell likewise me, sometimes feel the enormous,stress of estrangement which affects everything is cause of lot of my illl health.

Smileless are umtravelling home soon? Youmhave been excellent at keepin in touch despite not liking your new tablet.

Enjoyed acquacise today just having ?With nice tea salmon with lemon sauce ad prawns creamed mash and ? on cob mmmmm nice tho say so myself.

After lot of tears and souls searching we decided choose cards for little ones and send next vouchers like last year,

Pain been niggling today i kinda panic in case gets severe again,

Have good week all.

Yogagirl how,are u today? X

Hi all lucklegs says she can't post ab moment so just checking thread not full
She has t deserted us anyway?Sends best wishes to all x

Hi all, sorry for those with EC/GC birthdays and anniversaries this month. Mine are past for this year now and I'm glad I don't have to think about that anymore at least.
I really am trying hard to get on with my life. I have to make a point of stopping the thoughts whizzing round in my head and making myself think of something else.
I have started making a photo journal of my life, right from when I was a baby so I can see for myself that I have had good times and and LED a good life apart from all this bad stuff. I'm sure one day my DGC will enjoy looking through it. It is quite therapeutic, I put some nice music on or Radio 4 and enjoy the nostalgia.
Also I am learning ukulele and I CAN actually lose myself in that.
Rhinestone UTI's are really painful aren't they and make you feel so miserable, hope you're drinking plenty of water. As for the election - I don't know how you could possibly choose between those two. Politics is all so corrupt these days, it seems like it's all a game to them and just about showmanship and being a celebrity and what's in it for them rather than being dedicated to improving our countries and the lives of the citizens.
Yogagirl hope you're feeling better. DId you find out what was wrong? I think when we're feeling down anyway, we're more susceptible to viruses and illness. Yes, we will probably spend the rest of our lives wondering why they behave like this towards the people who love them the most. But that will just drive us mad; I know that I could have done better in some ways as a mum but then couldn't we all? None of us are perfect parents or human beings. I am a very tolerant person but I know my ED is not and expects too much of everyone. MY newly ES was a drug addict but has been drug free for 5 years. When he turned on me a couple of weeks ago (by phone) I suspect he had taken something for the 1st time since his recovery and was angry with himself but let it all out on me. I made up my mind there and then not to take it anymore from either of them and have blocked him on my mobile phone and FB. If he really needs to contact me (e.g. Emergency or apology Hmmph!) there are other ways. I have to look after my own mental wellbeing.
Celebgran and Smileless I love reading your posts, you still manage to get on with life even though you are going through the same awful times and the sadness of not seeing DGC. I take inspiration from you.
love and blessings to everyone. X

Thanks for your concern Ucan Celebgran & Rhinestone I don't know what it was, maybe food poisoning or the vomiting virus, but I'm ok now thank you. I've been reading a bit on the forum of Grans where their loved ones have emigrated and how they 'grieve' for their little GC & AC as we do, very sad.

How are you doing Smileless moved into your new home yet? Good luck with the move

Nice weekend all, let's hope those darn fireworks don't go on too long and too loud. I'm staying home to comfort my little doggie as she is terrified of them, as are most animals, wish they would put some restriction laws down [anger]

We lucky as Rosie not scared plus she very deaf ??

Hope we enjoy party tonight

Been very low and drained since mediator rang she was sooo kind and understanding it was my undoing,

Glad we are inspiration ukecan let's try enjoy our lives despite all heartache,

Good Morning- I'm really getting worried over here about the election. I fear rioting if we get a woman president. We are behind the times don't you think never having a woman President or Vice President? Do you think the Queen will want her colonies back?
My DD finished the mediation for her divorce. Since she has no legal proof of her husband's drinking( just a picture of him passed out in his car and a log of his quantity of beer) he gets the children ten nights a month. This man who cannot be woken in the middle of the night and who has been arrested twice for pot and who I have seen high and drunk. This man who has left his family in the middle of the day to drink and no one knew where his was...he gets overnight visits. I am sick and I feel like I did when we were estranged from our other GC. I feel helpless and will worry constantly when they are with him.
The other day my DD woke to find the door to their home wide open as he had left for work an hour before. Anyone could have entered. So there are now ten days each month I cannot see these GC. I will try and make the best of the times I am with them.
Our system just doesn't work. The courts are not for children.

Smileless You have probably moved by now. I know it is bittersweet for you but you and Mr. S can now start fresh and make new memories. This has to affect your ES on some level . Even though he was estranged he still knew where you lived. This has got to create some sort of anxiety for him and should tell him how you are moving on with your life despite him. I hope your new home is everything you want. ?

The Judge must be mad Rhinestone 10 nights will be like 20days, as they have to be there the day before and the day after to be staying the night, that can't be right surely He will have the C more than their mother!

But I know Judges do not always get it right, they certainly didn't in my case! For you R

YogagirlThank you for the flowers. In our state they make you go through mediation as they want to cut the costs of the judges time. If they didn't settle yesterday with the three lawyers it would cost $20,000-$30,000 to go to court and have the judge decide their fate. The law says if there is no concrete proof like an arrest for drunkenness then he is innocent. They won't take my DD's word. If they could afford to go before the judge she could have witnesses. Only the wealthy can get justice.

Rhinestone mediation isnlaw here now since 2014 that whynwe had to go along ithnit for my estranged daughter,

By her non reply I refusal then if we apply to court she will be st a disadvantage.

I do feel for you is tough time,

We felt very distressed last week as mediator was so lovley and kind sadly made me ? Our daughter has zero compassion or respect for us sadly.

On bright note we had fantastic time at neibor party last night she had Motown singer who was amazing nothing gets me ? Dancing like Motown music??

I will say rhinestone over here law is biased toward mother, our niece managed to stop all contact with her children's dad out of spite she made stuff up and police believed her.

Her partner was good dad that I could see and she behaved like a woman scorned,
It is so wrong imo to use little ones as a weapon.

He couldn't afford to go to court he does work despite health issues.
He wasn't innocent he caused a lot Trouble for us but I still felt it was unforgivable to stop all contact for those ltitel girls, who now grow up without a dad.

Celebgran The Motown museum is really cool and they are expanding it if you ever get to the states. My friend's father was one of their accountants and we always got free tickets to their concerts when I was in college.
Since the advent of many men's advocacy groups the woman is no longer favored. My daughter will be poor as his career will continue to flourish. I still cannot believe the court social worker asked my daughter if she never heard of a functioning alcoholic. She was telling her it's okay.
Are you going to Mediation to try and see your GC?

Yes rhinestone but she refuses to attend so we got papers saying we tried but she refused for court application,

Dear husband not so good st moment so our health comes before that

Wow Motown museum ? sounds good
glad umbit better yogagirl

Smileless welcome home if u,back yet and best luck with move fresh start ??celebrate and let the pain go,

Rhinestone unbelievable!!!

Celebgran as I'm sure you remember I went to mediation, she was lovely, wish I could have gone back for another session with her. My D & nasty s.i.l refused the 'invitation' to attend, it is then forwarded to the courts unless you stop it.
I cry every day I my heart, I was up at 5.30am yesterday,and before 6am today, as when I wake the thoughts are overwhelming, so best to get up for a cuppa.

Went to my ND yesterday early evening for Sunday roast and fireworks [baby friendly ones] He [D fiancee] puts on such a good show, well that's his job, magic tricks to boot! He is so nice and kind and considerate.

Hope your OK with your move Smileless

Morning ladies v cold today. Winter coat out?

Oh yes course remember ygagirl court was horrific for you.

Poor husband will be 72 next Feb and he had had rough year beennsos tresses about me also it is unbelievable that daughter we gave all we had to for 28 years is just memory now and doesn't care about anyone in her family.

It is her choice and not for us to judge but I do know that I could not be that cruel to anyone let alone my mum and dad.

Poor husband gone work despite awful cough but they just can't get pharmacist and he won't stop shop opening bless him.

We had cancel seeing old friends Sunday which was shame but all being well got dance Friday,with them.

How are you bearing up lucky legs hope Xmas stuff not getting u down.

We will be home with little Rosie and I am determined won't be sad. Bought lovely little xmas cake from marks yesterday always do that.

Pride comes before fall put one lb back yesterday oh dear despite low fat cheesecake I made.

Wow we no have even faster broadband new router came yesterday wow ? was ok except when rang for advice setting up stupidmwpman didnt have clue told us to use BT openreach router too wrong thank god hungnup and second lady was ? great.

We know have seventy eight instead thirty six speed whatever that means but got to be faster ha ha

Very nervous about who will lead our country .