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Wedding Anniversaries

(78 Posts)
GrannyO Tue 02-Aug-16 15:38:14

DH didn't bother with a card again this year, said he 'forgot'. Am I being unreasonable in feeling hurt that it means so little to him? I at least bought him a card.sad

tanith Tue 02-Aug-16 15:44:51

Not unreasonable if you find it hurtful especially if OH knows you hold great store by it. If he shows you he values your marriage in other ways then I think some people just don't find 'cards' important.
Personally DH and I wish each other a Happy Anniversary but don't exchange cards usually, we will have a trip out or a short break somewhere nice each year for our Anniversary or just a nice meal out.

NanaandGrampy Tue 02-Aug-16 15:55:22

I would be hurt too 'GrannyO'.

It's a small outward sign to you and the rest of the world and is neither expensive or time consuming to do.

Does he know you were hurt last year? Or are you thinking he knows? Because if you are , then you need to actually say the words out loud to him. Men can be as thick as mince in this area of communication.

That way , if you don't get a card next year , there is no excuse big enough to get him out the hole he will have dug himself smile .

Now , go and buy yourself some gorgeous to cheer yourself up and make sure he's footing the bill wink

Smileless2012 Tue 02-Aug-16 15:58:05

I agree with tanith if your OH knows how much receiving a card would mean to you then it's not unreasonable for you to feel hurt that he forgot. Did he forget the card or the anniversary?

Some people don't see the importance of cards. Our DS regularly didn't buy bday cards or cards for father's and mother's day but since he's been in Aus. he's never once forgottensmile. Can't give all the credit to our lovely d.i.l. either as they were together in the UK when cards were never forthcoming.

cornergran Tue 02-Aug-16 16:06:05

I'd be hurt as well. Agree you may have to tell him, kindly in case its just a case of male inability to see these things as important, how much one would mean to you. Just a wonder, does he receive cards for his birthday and if so is he pleased about it? If he is its a good way in perhaps. Hope things improve, try not to be too sad.

annsixty Tue 02-Aug-16 16:10:07

Our 58th today and my H can be forgiven for forgetting as he has a serious memory condition. However I did tell him and he just looked at me and shrugged.

GrannyO Tue 02-Aug-16 16:28:08

Thanks for all replies, I'll feel better tomorrow. The card's not important, I think he just doesn't like anniversaries, but if he'd even said 'Happy Anniversary' it would have meant a least I've been able to moan to you all, its been therapeutic thanks grin

Smileless2012 Tue 02-Aug-16 16:30:16

GrannyOflowerswinecupcakehave a little celebration this evening.

Neversaydie Tue 02-Aug-16 16:52:45

DH and I don't 'do'cards for anything As we live together we wish each other whatever it is .As we 're often on holiday for our wedding anniversary (it's three days before my birthday) we usually have a nice meal out Often a joint celebration of the two .We have been happily married for 34years .
I think you have to ask yourself why a card is so important ? Is it indicative of something that bothers you about your relationship ?

Stansgran Tue 02-Aug-16 17:03:14

It's just good manners if it matters to your other half. An anniversary card matters to me.

GrannyO Tue 02-Aug-16 17:06:09

Neversaydie, the card's not important but it would have been nice to hear him say Happy Anniversary. I just want to know our marriage is something to celebrate, and would like him to feel that too
Smileless2012 Prosecco beside me as we speak wine

numberplease Tue 02-Aug-16 17:29:22

We were married in 1963. On our first anniversary we were on holiday in Blackpool. Thinking how romantic the day was going to be, I`d bought him a card and a little present. I waited till after breakfast, no mention of said anniversary, so I gave him the card and present, to be met with "Oh, I didn`t think you`d want anything." So I`ve never bothered since, and the only acknowledgement of it from him was a bouquet of flowers delivered on our Silver wedding.

M0nica Tue 02-Aug-16 20:08:13

DH is a non card sender. I accept it as they way he is. I always give him one though and we always go out for a meal. I think it is a question of upbringing. His parents never paid much attention to birthdays, anniversaries, even Christmas was very low key.

We have been married 48 years and like many marriages that have lasted that long it hasn't all been plain sailing. I think the fact that we are still together after all these years and all the turmoils says all we need to know about our commitment to each other.

rosesarered Tue 02-Aug-16 20:09:55

British men are a dead loss in respect of romantic gestures.grin
We don't give cards anymore either, but hug and kiss and say Happy Anniversary, and then go out for the day.I do understand how you feel GrannyO but you should tell him and not stay quiet and resentful.🍀

Greyduster Tue 02-Aug-16 21:09:11

In fifty years, DH has never forgotten to mark our anniversary - we don't usually bother with gifts unless it's special. I wouldn't make a fuss if he did forget or didn't want to bother - just to have him there makes every day special. I count my blessings!

kittylester Tue 02-Aug-16 21:31:18

I'd be upset too. It's really opportune to me that dh acknowledges that our marriage has lasted such a long time!! He is generally thoughtful.

kittylester Wed 03-Aug-16 06:45:42

Opportune = important - bloody phone!

Anya Wed 03-Aug-16 06:58:59

It was our wedding anniversay yesterday too - our 47th. We do celebrate, give cards, presents, and our family give cards and gifts too, so I now have two new house plants that I have to remember not to kill.

Funny how different families treat such occasions.

ninathenana Wed 03-Aug-16 07:31:14

H and I have always exchanged cards on our anniversary, birthday and Ch..... I agree that whether or not your a card sender depends on how your family were about it.
We've never had an anniversary card from the rest of the family and I wouldn't expect one.

Marmark1 Wed 03-Aug-16 09:04:55

I've been with mine 50 years,married for 43,never had a anniversary card or given one to him.Guess neither of us is romantic.

goose1964 Wed 03-Aug-16 09:22:14

DH & I always celebrate our wedding anniversary, when we more flush we used to go away but now it's anything from a day out to a home cooked meal with a very nice bottle of wine. Mid you we were married on The Glorious 12th so he has no excuse for forgetting

moobox Wed 03-Aug-16 09:24:23

Yes, they are all different. Next year why not make plans in advance and suggest you do something together around your anniversary. Even though it is instigated by you, it would take the sting out of nothing happening otherwise. And maybe next year I will actually take my own advice, lol.

luluaugust Wed 03-Aug-16 09:26:37

No we don't do cards either usually a meal out on the day where we wonder where all the years have gone and discuss what next!

Topcat7 Wed 03-Aug-16 09:31:34

Right from the start of our marriage we have never exchanged cards or gifts and are both as bad as one another in remembering the date. Having said that we do know how long we have been married and make sure we have a fuss on important years such as celebrating 30 years next year. I do feel though that if your husband knows it is important to you then he should make an effort and yes you do have a right to feel miffed.

Lilyflower Wed 03-Aug-16 09:33:26

If you are in the habit of sending cards it is painful when someone forgets. If you are going to continue to be hurt if your DH 'forgets' again you'll have to drop massive hints and/or threaten him with losing something he values as men are notoriously careless about anniversaries and birthdays.

It has fallen to the lot of women to celebrate these important dates and to carry and transmit the values that the whole of society rests on. We have the important role while then poor men just get to go out hunting and bring home a bison. You have to 'help them out' with dates and so on.

My DH and I have never really celebrated our anniversary with cards, presents or meals out as we couldn't afford it when we were first married and then never got into the habit. We did have a big hotel bash for our silver anniversary but that was to make up for the fact that our actual wedding was cheap and simple and only cost us £250 in all as we catered it ourselves.

Nevertheless, while he is off the hook for the wedding anniversary he'd not be living a life of ease, comfort and happiness if I didn't get a bit of a song and a dance for my birthday! I don't mind specifying the present and booking the venue myself but I do like him to remember he's married to a person one day out of 365.