Going back to an ex?

"he didn't cause it per se" .....who did then, all the other women that he agreed to go out with while he knew he was a married man......?????

Please don't ask him why the relationship ended because you risk being very upset in a future with him, and older women tend to get more upset than young ones who have their whole future ahead of them. You have not said how old you actually are, but you would have to have an abundance of forgiveness to put up with what this old flame sounds like.

www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200510/rekindling-old-flame-or-not

You sent him a message which was a clear signal that you were thinking about him!.
You are now going to feel hurt if he fails to get in touch and excited if he does.
You will agree to meet up if that's what he wants because you're lonely but then what!!.
5 years is not a long time to be with someone and it rarely works out second time around. Beware, don't let your heart rule your head and don't forget he didn't just cheat on you once but twice, three times and maybe even more.

Ruby, you do indeed now have to think of yourself and put yourself first. However, if he gets in touch and you're feeling strong, and curious, why not give it a go? I don't mean leap into a relationship, if invited, I mean meet as people who once knew each other.
Have a coffee or a meal.
I'm on very good terms with a few men I knew well long ago. I occasionally get together with one or other and mull over old times, have a laugh. They are my friends now, the fires have cooled to embers. There's a lot of shared history.
Then of course there's the one who still pops up on FB or emails me out of the blue.Clearly has NO IDEA that although I no longer fear seeing him I'd certainly never want to. He probably doesn't understand why I got away or what was wrong with the relationship. His recollections must be so different from mine, I couldn't, wouldn't, even try to explain.
Anyway I hope your son goes off to university ready to tackle this new stage of his life. All the best!

He had two affairs in the five years together so how wasn't that the reason for the breakup. He can't be trusted. Don't clutch at straws in case you may be lonely. Better on your own that with a cheat. I could not live like that and really cannot understand why anyone would stay, he broke his wedding vows twice what makes you think he is a changed man? I would give him a very wide berth.

You didn't send him a message on FB to notify him of the friend's death, you used that an an excuse to make contact with him/give him a response to respond to you.

I think you're on a hiding to nothing for all the reasons above. Exes are exes for a reason. It didn't work out the first time round so it's unlikely to again. I think you're viewing this through rose tinted specs.

If he responds to your FB message thanking you for informing him, just ignore it and leave it at that. Don't start entering into a conversation with him. Walk away with your head held high.

I wasn't married to him, he was 17 years my junior, my delightful dishy sexy toyboy lover, well worth it at the time!

He came along after my divorce, so we had lots of fun, both in and out of the bedroom. But you all are right, the past is the past and I will leave it there. Besides, he's too old for me now! Time to find some fresh young meat. There's life in the old dog yet!

Sounds as if there are at least two other women who could claim him as their sexy toy boy lover within that 5 year period
How humiliating for you.

Surely you have said you are only 50 so he must be 33 - and that is too OLD?
Any younger and he could nearly be one of your son's uni mates

So he was only 23 when you split up? Blimey...

Just wondering how anybody would feel if their son came back from his first term at uni with a 40-year old divorcée in tow (with a young child)?

Daphne You mean my son? As long as he was happy, I wouldn't care what age anyone was, because I'm not prejudice against anyone. Three messages in minutes? It must really upset you that I have had a relationship with a young man. Lots of things happened when I got divorced. I was seeing another young man before him, a 21 year old, for six months. And I also kissed a woman! Aw, shock!!!! She was younger than me too, and very pretty.

Sorry for not conforming to your idea of "normal". I enjoy being different, no twin set and pearls or blue rinse for me!

Just wondering how old you are Daphne?

Sorry for not conforming to your idea of normal , I enjoy bring different, no twin set and pearls or blue rinse for me
So why is this confident, unconventional, sexual woman asking advise from those older than herself, surely if you know what you are doing and how you want to live your life you ll be out there doing it without needing any 'granny advice'. Go about this old relationship or any new ones however you want and enjoy yourself you don't need anything from this thread unless of course the old cougar is a bit lost and not quite as confident and unconventional as she would like to be.
I sincerely hope you find whatever you are looking for Rubylady good luck in your quest

rubylady

You must be one sexy lady !!

Make the most of it while you can.

I've just had some old bloke where I live tell me I should be the one cutting my husband's hedges .....what business is it of his ???? Can't even reach them !!!

Rubylady, you go for it if you still feel up for it .

I had a toyboy once, but I was only 17 when I married him. He has changed a bit, (a lot) but he's still a toyboy in my eyes.