Going back to an ex?

I only found out he was single again through popping onto Facebook, not been on for over two years and don't do it regular at all, but a friend died and I wanted to see the comments left. Obviously I stalked the ex and saw he was single.

I have moved house, he doesn't know where to, I am under a different name on facebook, my phone number has changed since last I saw him. So probably short of hiring a private detective, he was on a long shot.

Anyway, after thinking about it today, I agree with you all. He had the chance to not cheat on me, not once but twice in the five years, so I would be a fool to let him have the chance to do any sort of hurt again. We did laugh a lot, got on like a house on fire but he did cheat. But it is time to move on, find some new friends to play out with. I am having a hard time thinking of DS leaving, only two weeks now. Why is being a parent so hard?

I want to feel alive like I did when I was with my ex. I have felt nothing inside in the last few years and it would be great to feel myself tingling again, if you know what I mean. But with someone new eh? Maybe that's the way to go. It's just not that often you come across someone who just gets you. Talking myself round in circles. I did send him a message to tell him about the mutual friend dying so see if he does reply. Even if he does, I still have the option to say no thank you. And I will if I feel it is the right thing to do for myself. I have to think of and for myself now.

Platonic rarely works, sorry but once you ve been to bed with someone being friends isn't really an option one or other will move it back to where it was you can't put the genie back in the bottle

There was a reason the relationship ended its so very easy to forget that reason and see it all through rose coloured glasses

How come he hasn't hunted you down ?

Do you have mutual friends? It might be better to meet informally in a crowd at some event to see how he responds when seeing you. He may well be heartbroken at the end of his recent relationship and not be interested in any new relationship , never mind rekindling an old flame and you pushing it may close down even a platonic friendship. I would be very wary of pinning any hopes on renewing a former love affair.

How about just seeing him for a casual drink or a mealand seeing if you canjust have a good laugh as a friend and take it from there.

Rubylady, you said "I have been heartbroken over us finishing but he didn't cause it per se, it was the relationship ending that caused it,"

Surely the relationship didn't just end by itself? You and he must have had something to do with it?

Don't rush into anything! Especially don't rush into having him move in with you!
If it's meant to be there'll be no need for rush.

I wouldn't touch an ex with a bargepole. Think yourself lucky to have got out of it once and leave well alone.
If he's interested he'll contact you.

I think in principle I agree - if he has been free for some time he could have made the first move but apparently hasn't which might say a lot or simply that he doesn't know if it's appropriate or not. Ten years is such a long time to be apart and you will both no doubt have changed a lot. However everyone is entitled to another chance at happiness - do you have a mutual friend who could perhaps sound him out tentatively initially? I don't think you should go rushing in to anything as you've been through such a lot and will still be vulnerable - it would be awful to be hurt yet again with rejection,

ruby You've been through so much emotional turmoil and, now, with your DS leaving for uni, you'll be feeling very vulnerable. If your DS wasn't moving out would you still be thinking as you are about your ex? Just be sure that it's not fear of the unknown that's making you feel this way - which is very understandable btw

You say the relationship ended but there must have been a reason for that. You are building castles in the air ,*ruby*. He will be a different person now and you may have changed more than you think.
The grass is not always greener on the other side of the hedge.

If he wanted to rekindle the dead ashes I think there would have been contact by now , take off the rose tints . I met an old friend recently and couldn't ,for the life of me , see what on earth had been the attraction

You can't step into the same river twice.

NO NO NO if it didnt work the first time it wont work a second! I was foolish enough to think it would work despite being warned by friends not to go back, the outfall was far worse than the first time round!

Oh think carefully. He may have been the love of your life but much water has flowed under the bridge since that 5 year relationship.
Are you perhaps overthinking those happier days as you prepare for your son to leave for university?
If your ex has been single for some time and there is a flame to be rekindled, why has he made no effort to contact you? There may be a friendship to be reformed, but don't hold out too much hope of a reigniting of former passion
You may get very hurt and I suspect you are not in the right place to risk that.

Only you can decide, but ruby I just say take it slowly don't jump in. Any relationship can cause pain but bring great joy as well. Would you settle for being friends?

Oh ruby I can understand the pull, especially as I believe you will soon be living alone, but please be careful. Ten years is a long time, you will both have had experiences that will have changed you. I agree with christine, think carefully. The other person will have his own views and concerns about renewing a relationship, he may think differently to you. It's impossible to predict the outcome of a careful contact. There's a bit of me that thinks you may regret it if you don't take the risk, but of course you may regret it if you do. No easy answer, but you know that. I hope someone else can be more helpful to you and send my best wishes.

In my experience going back does not work. However I know for some people it has worked successfully. It is such a personal thing, but think carefully before you commit. Even if you don't together it may be nice to have a good friend.