It is odd that this should come up now. DH and I were friends with someone, but after going on holiday with her and her partner, had an appalling time. We ha absolutely nothing in common.
This lady used to drop in unannounced at all times to just chat..but there were often times when we pretended to be out when we spotted their car - wicked I know but truly it was exhausting trying to entertain them and find common ground for a conversation. This friend also had a habit of criticising me in an offhand way, which both DH and I found irritating but difficult to address.
Then my DH was diagnosed with cancer and during the last two months said specifically he did not want to see anyone. But this friend kept ringing claiming she had a right to visit based on our long friendship. I managed to stick to my guns and followed my husband's wishes and he died 3.5 years ago.
After the funeral, said friend kept on coming over, and whilst I was in the depths of despair in the early days, did nothing to help me, but made me feel suffocated. I tried to explain it would be wiser to telephone me first, but this was ignored, as she almost thought it her right to come over.
So I stopped contacting her.....ignored phone calls, even when she rang my children to find out why I had not contacted her, I did not phone her.
It felt at the time unkind and in some respects still does, but the relief at not seeing her and all that entailed, really did me good. My bereavement counsellor and I talked this over, and she agreed that this was a time when it is not wrong to "cull" people, especially at such a vulnerable time.
I now think about friend occasionally with a twinge of guilt, but I am still convinced I did the right thing, and have little or no regrets, as my life goes on without DH.
Hysteroscopy using spinal block/epidural
