Would you expect your husband to buy you a birthday card and present when you always mark his birthday with a nice gift and a card?

I would be really upset if my partner forgot a card and gift. My late husband forgot just to see how I would react. He once remembered and threw an anniversary card at me in a wrapper and declared I could get it out every year as new. He thought it was amusing, I didn't and still don't, I longed for something nice or romantic and really just wanted to cry, and in my younger days I just put up with it. It would never happen now, my new partner is forewarned at least a month in advance and he never makes me feel as worthless. I in turn do the same for him. Something like forgetting can really create bitterness after a long period of time, a little effort feels lovely and he should be informed. Just don't put up with it, if it hurts tell him.

Yes, and no ... agree with granmary 18. DH is a wonderful, caring man, but not so good at the 'cards and prezzies' and to be honest, it doesn't really matter. Been together for 46 years- and it is not the most important stuff. I've organised trips and parties and all sorts for his special birthdays- but he never has for me - a tad disappointing but no matter.

I have friends with DHs who give huge bouquets and fabulous cards- but are absolute *****s in other ways, including other women. So I count my blessings and would hate to orchestrate my own cards and presents, etc.

Do NOT under any circumstance buy him a card or present...see how he feels...

DH & I do not do birthday gifts but do usually book a weekend away /short break somewhere we both have said we wanted to go. We do it as a surprise for each other so it is like a present !! I must get organising as Dh b'day is in January!!

Before we were married my late husband asked me when my birthday was. I said the last day of August. August came and he woke me up one morning with a lovely tray set with toast, jam and a cup of tea and a birthday card. It was very nice and I enjoyed having breakfast in bed, however, I put the birthday card on the bedside table unopened. When he came back to get the tray he noticed and was a bit miffed - he asked why I hadn't opened it. Because it isn't my birthday I replied. Oh yes it is he said, I put it in my diary so I wouldn't forget and he dashed off to get said diary. He flicked through the pages and stabbed his finger on the page that ended with the 30th August. See - he said - last day! I took the diary off him and flipped over the next page - Nope, I said, August has 31 days!. After that I wrote my birthday in his diary for him with a reminder a week before it. He usually remembered in time but his choice in cards was very hit and miss, one year I got one with a lovely floral display on the front and the words, Because you have been like a Mother to me I am sending you this card to wish you the happiest of birthdays on one of the pages inside. When I asked him about it he said he hadn't read the page with the verse on but had signed the one that just say Happy Birthday!

Never got a card or present for 38 years and you're o.k. with it. ? Well he got off easy didn't he, how selfish. Mind you my ex would remember on the day , it always came as a surprise. It was as though the date was constantly changing . He would turn up after work with a card and something useful , like an iron or toaster.

I don't think getting miffed is ever useful. I would talk to him and ask him how he thinks birthdays should be marked. I would tell him how you feel and see what he says.

Totally inconsiderate..unreliable and selfish..i'd tell him in no uncertain terms where to get.....i'm in agreement with granny piper too,...
SO BE AS SELF CENTERED & SELFISH/UNFEELING AS HE IS....
and a very happy birthday to you for that day..from all of us on Gransnet!...xx

Oh how I've laughed at some of your ideas. I will just get him an anniversary card this year (it's his 65th birthday too same day). He's going to be a bit miffed but heyho see how it feels eh? I was going to book a surprise overseas holiday and a family get together but now won't do either. Thankyou all so much for the brilliant views on this and I'll make sure he doesn't forget next year X

A lot of posts suggest not giving a card and present is a clear indication of selfishness and lack of love. This may be the case, but is there perhaps an argument for starting from a point of assuming your spouse/partner does love you if everything else tells you that this is the case and for understanding and forgiveness to be exercised. Everyone is different as we know - partly genetics( including gender differences) and partly upbringing and past experiences. People express love in different ways: some folk see giving presents as very important, others loving words or taking out the bins. There are various books and articles on this from psychological, religious and other points of view. For example www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages

and

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-it-together/201610/six-expressions-love

Let's not encourage each other to assume the worst when some understanding and honest discussion might be the best approach.

Haven't read all the posts but from what I've seen I'm in the minority here as usual. DH and I have been married for more than 30 years and neither of us has ever once sent each other a birthday, anniversary or Christmas card in that time, and I couldn't care less. In my opinion, cards are for sending to people you won't see to wish them a happy birthday/anniversary/Christmas in person. Why send someone a card saying you love them when you can say it to their face? The OP says her husband is very loving and attentive and yet I see people here calling him unreliable and selfish. Sorry but giving an overpriced, commercially produced card doesn't prove love.

I think that is true linbrikat but part of being a loving partner is also knowing what pleases your partner and trying to please them!

I would not ignore his birthday as he may see that as the OP realising that is the way to go.

DH and I together almost 50 years do give each other cards (not Xmas??) but for birthdays /anniversary ..they are light hearted loving but not sentimental. However we also are loving/attentive as well..the two actions do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Me too WendyBT, we have been married for 54 years and I have never received a birthday card, christmas card or presents from DH either. I used to buy myself a new dress every year for Xmas and this was my present from him. DH always says he doesn't want cards or gifts from family as well, reckons cards are a total rip-off and waste of money. He is the most loving and special person in every other way, and to be honest, I am really OK with this.

DotMH901

Just read your post re your husbands card and it has brightened up a damp and foggy morning! So funny.

It certainly resonates with me. I have only ever received one anniversary card from DH. It read....*To a wonderful couple. Congratulations on your anniversary.*

Yes, well....

My ex did at least buy me Birthday presents occasionally. I never gave him the chance of forgetting, as a couple of weeks before I used to say something like "I can't believe I will be -- on the 27th" and for anniversaries "I can't believe we have been married -- years on the 24th".

My DD and SIL don't always buy one another birthday presents but always get a card and go out for a nice meal or even a weekend away. This year my DD will be 50 just after Christmas and will have to wait until January for her present from her husband, but she doesn't mind as he is taking her to Cuba.

Goodness knows what happened there!!! I simply put a dash where my age or the years should have gone and it's crossed out a lot more.

advice needed...would it be acceptable for a husband to snatch a phone out of your hands whilst you're texting a message for him...so as to have correct spelling....in a sudden rage...
acceptable to suddenly shout aggressively while making his favourite dinner as a thank you for giving elderly dad a lift?
acceptable to be told you dont clean the cooker properly..iron shirts properly after 36 years of marriage...when you also have had a spinal tumour, ran a business with him...always done things his way....& now have arthritisof the spine & high blood pressure..
opinions please....as feeling rather down...xx

Kizzy perhaps start a new thread with this

Sorry Lizzy not K

how to start a new thread????