My husband has crossed his birthday off the calendar !

I would do the same if I could. This year DH and I went off on our own - he went walking and I pootled about and really enjoyed my day. I feel there is an obligation for people to make a fuss of you on the day - and I feel awkward about this. I guess I'm a bit of a loner

It's terribly sad that he feels a failure and is depressed about the future. From what you say, he is very far from a failure because he is a kind and conscientious man who has done his very best to do right by other people. That is what I, and I'm sure many other people, would see as a "successful" human being and someone to be admired.

I do agree with the view of others that his scribbling out of his birthday perhaps indicates that it is something that he may benefit from talking about.

There is also the possibility that too much is being read into this. As you say he is a quiet person who doesn't like a lot of public attention, maybe he is just indicating that he doesn't want a lot of fuss - but he doesn't want to get into a discussion about it.

Either way, I think it would be helpful to talk to him about it and, if he is determined that he doesn't want a fuss, then perhaps a low key special meal at home would be better.