DIL problems that I don't get

I am more concerned about the dogs being out in the cold and damp whilst you are all at DD's house. Couldn't daughter bring her dog to your house, either early in the morning or the night before the visit, and then you leave the three dogs with plenty of nice food and drink at yours, while you all enjoy the humans only visit at your daughter's?

No point trying to change dil's preference to not have dogs in the house with her young children. That is up to her.

I do not think this is about dog lovers/haters. Even if you were the greatest dog lover in the world you might still be advising this OP to put family first, as indeed many dog lovers on this thread are doing - and suggesting practical solutions.

I don't like dogs but have friends who do - when I am there they make sure that the dogs cannot make themselves a nuisance, and I am not even family. It is just good manners. They make no attempt to "convert" me - bit of a lost cause that!

They respect how I feel and I respect how they feel - I ask after their animals and take an interest because I know they mean a lot to them.

Exactly Bluebelle

Ahh well you ve hit the nail on the head Susie2 .... ' I wouldn't put my best friend in the garden'
The family should be the best friends not the dog
No harm in loving a dog but it's place in life should not be to the detriment of family
Perhaps you would prefer the original poster to put the family in the garden and she/he has dinner with the dog

? what an utterly horrific dilemma! I had daughters who I am quite close to. I know how lucky I am to see my grandkids with no problem. I feel for you. i really do. I joined gransnet just to give you some support! I can tell you this. Grandparents are special and kids are lucky to have them. They add value to a childs life. Your dil should consider that if she cant care enough to respect her husbands mum. I wouldnt put my best friend in the garden to please her! Maybe another room ? Its great that you are making so much effort to keep in touch with the kids but consider yourself too. Your daughter is right. Maybe meet for a pub lunch halfway on a regular basis and get skype so you can keep in touch that way too. Look after yourself ❤️?

Grannygranby -I'm not keen on my husband's son's girlfriend. We are all supposed to be bringing a dish so all the mish mash of different families can spend Christmas dinner together. Already my husband and I are planning when we can escape.....she has made a list of dishes to bring even. eg carrots.

There will be no dogs unfortunately to brighten up the occasion. So Grannygranby you can come if you like and be very welcome !!!!

I love the fact that OP has gone, yet we're all here happily discussing all things doggy. I'd love a cocker spaniel.

Iam there won't be any spare space with 11 people in the house but I think the judicious use of barriers and maybe a cage might work.

That's worth considering Notanan. The dog had a cage as a pup but has grown out of it so would need a bigger one certainly. She might, as you say, appreciate being able to get away from it all.

can you borrow a large dog cage and put it in the lounge? then the dog won't be isolated but also won't get pounced on by over excited kids?

Even the ones who like dogs and are usually good with them will be totally hyper with all their cousins around and won't be as good/gentle as usual with the dog.

A cage, if the dog is happy to go in it, means dog isn't lonely but also isn't overwhelmed/surrounded

Judthepud - I started the utility/stair gate scenario before the babies arrived, in anticipation of chaos during large family gatherings. I always feed the dogs in the utility, their beds are in there, along with water bowls, leads etc. If you don't have a utility, can you utilise a small room, spare bedroom if you have one. Get your dog used to being in there, leave a radio on, feed her in there, keep a bed and significant toy there. I'd use a stair gate because she's less likely to feel anxious than if the door is firmly closed. Start with short periods, like 5 minutes when you feed, leave her and build up. You've got a few weeks before the chaos of Christmas. Good luck
We'll have visiting dogs over Christmas and they will be put into the bedrooms they'll sleep in with their people when the children are here to avoid any unpleasant incidents.

The dog might feel completely overwhelmed so, for the dog's peace of mind can you borrow a stair gate and put the dog somewhere away from the children Judthepud?

It could be a good opportunity to introduce a dog to one child at a time who may otherwise be nervous of dogs.

Grannygranby This post is nothing to do with people's dogs and their behviour. It is all about attitude to your DIL
From the start you slag her off being very harsh and IMO quite aggressive. My son's partner is somewhat off hand but I do manage to keep a civil tongue in my head.

I will be very blunt, unless you try and modify your very apparent attitude of dislike to her however much she riles you you are not going to make the situation any better. This is at most a couple of days over Christmas. I get the impression that there are lot of other problems you have but let this one drop.

The dog might love children individually but that many children might be a problem even without the issues of some not too keen on dogs.

Can you borrow a stair gate? so that the dog and the children are mixed in small doses if they are happy and being sensible/not too hyper?

As OP seems to have disappeared, could I please hijack this thread seeing as it seems to have gone down the dog and family route?

All of my family are coming to stay with us for a week over Christmas. This includes 4 GCs. SIL1 actively doesn't like dogs, DD1 is not that keen on dogs being around her children aged 8, 3 and 1. DD2 has no issue with dogs and her D aged 5 absolutely loves our young cocker spaniel. DS and DIL love dogs and are considering getting their own. DD3 likes our dog and her 2 boys dote on her, as she does on them. Last year DD3 kept the dog over Christmas while the family were here, but she now has 2 cats and this wouldn't work.

Our dog is sweet natured and loves to play with children, but being young, she is rather lively. I just don't know how we are going to balance the needs of the whole family and the dog. Any wise words? I am beginning to get a bit concerned about it all, as if Christmas wasn't complicated enough

I would happily visit IAM64 and her doggie

It really isn't as polarised as dog lovers and dog haters, there's a whole lot of people in between who like dogs but are cautious around them and avoid certain dog owners dogs and not others

What a lot of grumpy, negative comments here. The anti DIL/family post from granny grunt was hard to read as being anything other than a windup. Some of the anti dog comments are a tad extreme.

I'm with Anya, I know so few anti dog people that I accept I must make close friends with people who, like me, love dogs and live and let live. I'm very careful with my current dogs because they were here long before the two latest babies arrived. I have a utility room off the kitchen with a child's gate to ensure the big silly dogs aren't running around when toddlers or babies are in the kitchen. The dogs are entirely happy and the children are safe. I have two good friends who dislike dogs and the same system applies if they visit. I wouldn't dream of taking my dogs to visit friends who don't have dogs/have dogs who may not mix well with mine.

I suspect those who say the OP issue is about more than dogs are correct. I also wonder if the OP has cleared off because of the tone of some of the contributions.

Exactly, FarNorth, although grannygranby seems to be of the same mind as her daughter as far as their dogs are concerned.

I really don't understand how she can have expected a positive response to her message about taking the dogs out for a walk (presumably off their leads!) in the park and woods with the children.

gg should be thinking about how to improve her relationship with her son and DiL,and her grandchildren, not trying to force them to fit in with her wishes.

If gg's daughter wants to "stand firm" about something, she should do so herself, not try to make gg do it for her.

Also, why do some ("some some some" - incase anyone missed that ) dog owners actively want their dogs around people who don't like dogs?

People who either don't like dogs or are nervous around dogs are, I mean understandably, not good with dogs ! They're often jumpy, they make the dog nervous.. it can be a recipe for disaster all round.

I live with DH so I would say I know him pretty well, but he doesn't like cats.
Needless to say, the DGD's cat always makes a beeline for him and sits on his lap, purring.

This is really odd as I've never come across such fear and dislike of dogs in my life. Every single person I know is a dog person, every child I know personally loves dogs (and cats, and horses, and rabbits, and chickens, and …..

That's not it at all

I like dogs, my children enjoy visiting dogs who are used to having children in their house
However, dogs who don't have "their own" children at home are unpredictable around children, so they are approached with more caution, thats just sensible and anyone who is properly into dogs, and understands them, would agree.
I would be DOUBLY cautious of having my children around a dog whose owner is like the OP who doesn't see their dog as a dog: i.e. capable of unpredictable behaviour if suddenly surrounded by small children when the dog isn't used to that.

Combining all of the above, I would not want my kids in a house with the OPs dog. Other dogs, yes. it's all about the owners, not the species of animal in general.

My kids visit friends who have kids AND dogs and are sensible dog owners.

grannygranby

Please forgive if this is said too clearly - I think seeing DGC comes first over dog issue.
It is not that animals or pets dont matter, but that the way you outlined things makes it sound as if DiL is perhaps nervous and it may make things worse to insist she puts up with dogs around the DGC.
Priority is seeing your DGC. I would suggest a gentle chat with DiL about venues, acknowledging dogs might be a problem around children?
Good luck - sometimes we Nans have to bite our tongues to remain in contact and relationship with our DGC.

This is really odd as I've never come across such fear and dislike of dogs in my life.

I've had dogs, like most dogs but I do accept that some people may not have liked my dogs (I can't think why {wink).
My friend loves her dogs but they do smell quite badly.
Some dogs drool a lot and that is off-putting.
Some dogs jump up (as in my previous post, other granny had one jump up at her and it was as big as her. DGD would have been terrified if it had jumped at them, and the owner seemed incapable of controlling it).

Love me, love my dog - that is a bit blinkered and I think the OP has to be aware that not everyone feels the same.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECcZ2juBDIw

Yes, he is rather cute (and the dog is nice too )

I have re-read and re-read this problem. I think if she wants to see her family at Christmas she must abide by the rules being set by her daughter - NO DOGS THIS TIME, and try to grin and bear it for the sake of everyone's sanity, including the grandchildrens. Dogs do tend to rule the roost and take over conversations. Last Xmas we visited husband's daughter, viewed the large dog in its cage and disliked it. However it was not ours and would have created a lot of ill feeling if we'd revealed our true feelings. We left as early as possible, and believe it or not, we like well behaved dogs. Job done. Christmas done with family.