Birthday expense.

So agree with Harrigran, if you invite people to a celebration, the cost is down to you. It's like inviting people to your house for dinner and expecting them to pay for it.! It used to be unheard of to pay for oneself for this sort of thing but I accept I am in the minority, especially amongst the "do it my way"generation who take offence if not complied with

This reminded me of a lovely couple we used to know - now sadly passed on. A whole group of us used to go away for a long weekend every November each paying his or her own way. One particular year one or two couples could not make it and as this couple kindly did all the arranging with the hotel there were lots of "persuasive" calls made to try to coax the drop outs to change their minds .... During the stay some of us discovered to our amazement/amusement that the kind couple who loved to include everyone in the trip were - yes - getting a freebie! How sad! we loved them both very much but they had more money than all of us put together, and it did leave a bit of a disappointed feeling when we all realised!

No way are you being unreasonable ....but how to pursuade your wife otherwise ? even if you can easily afford it I think your sister in law expecting everyone to cough up 500 pounds is selfish and greedy ...... but if you really , or your wife, really, wants to go to the party try and find a travel lodge nearby ...that way, you get to go to the celebration and your s-i-l may not get the ten people she needs to get her freebie ,,,if you know any other guests you could suggest that to them as well ...or you could just reply to her invitation saying sorry cannot possibly afford that kind of sum ..have a happy birthday ! if enough of the guests cannot afford it maybe she will have to think it out again !

I certainly don't think you are being unreasonable but can see it could cause bad feeling if the other sisters are agreeable to it and your wife wants to go. As others have said it is expensive for a weekend. I would have thought it more reasonable for the SiL if she had said it will be £2000, as mine would be free, but we will split the cost between 5 couples. £400 is better but still expensive.

£500 plus drinks !!!!
She's having a laugh

Unless this is something your wife has discussed and arranged with her sister, and led her to think it is on the cards, it is too expensive and cheeky - unless this is the way birthdays are always celebrated in your family and everyone is awash with money. I presume not - otherwise you wouldn't be asking what we think.

I had a friend who was great at organising trips, she always managed to get a deal so that she went free but we didn't mind as she did all the booking etc, we just had to turn up. It does sound very expensive for you though - is it a specialist hotel? Perhaps you could suggest a more reasonable option. Is there a reason she is celebrating being 65? Usually it is 60/70/80 etc. Have you checked with the hotel to see if you could book in cheaper going as a couple? There is no such thing as a free trip, the cost is divided up amongst all who pay to go by the Hotel.

Sounds a bit much for the birthday girl to have a freebie.... It would have been nice if the total cost could have been divided up so everyone benefitted. Particularly as you would also have to buy a present. It is difficult when its such a close relative. I presume its a two night stay for £500 - be honest and say you would prefer to stay for one night (you might find you can get a better deal on the internet or with the hotel direct). Takes the enjoyment out of things when you feel you are being taken for a ride.

Seems very selfish to me. Why does she expect everyone else to pay? My family took me out to lunch for my '0' birthday last weekend, which was lovely. The suggestion came from them,not me. I did feel pleased to help a little with a 20% off voucher from the restaurant because it was my birthday. Why does she need a whole weekend at others ' expense??
Admittedly some of my friends have had big parties or a weekend away recently, but they have funded these themselves. .

We spend that for a New Year residential programme of OUR choice. This is all about her and it's a bit much expecting you to shell out that much for her 'taste' in gifts. Would you give her a £500 pressie?

petalmoore I organised a 'regional' family get together for my husband's 65th and those in the area came to us. Most went home after, but one family stayed at their inlaws.

I paid for the meals and drinks as I chose the pub and the date and did not expect them to contribute anything but perhaps a fun-joke pressie and their time with DH to enjoy the party.

We had a wonderful time and DH got some really cool pressies, but he was mostly thrilled to have almost all his brothers and sisters with him again on one occasion. As it was in a private room in the pub, we could all be silly and played games with the younger ones.

Sorry, meant to add, it was a surprise party...and boy was it. He was so chuffed!

I just love people who instead of sharing the reduced cost of something,whether it be a meal or a hotel stay,equally between everyone,nabs the free place for themselves! No YANBU.

Looking ahead, should becomes the accepted norm for all family occasions/birthdays it will prove very expensive indeed.

should this become

Why not just ask her how much the cost would be for her individually, not including her husband/partner of course, as it's not his birthday, then the eight of you fund it as her present, explaining that you've no intention of going yourself. I guess you could always join her for lunch or dinner if it's reasonably accessible to you. A thoughtless, selfish suggestion on her part...

Gosh! £500 is excessive, surely? The hotel gets five grand so your SIL can have a freebie? Not at all a good idea and I should politely decline. Drinks at a hotel are very xpensive too.

Buy her a nice present and make your excuses.

Cheeky! Nice try though.

Thinks it's excessive I don't think for one minute my sisters would agree to this they
Would say get on your bike I would never ask them

I wonder if this weekend in a nce hotel is £500 per couple because it includes two evening meals and not just the accomodation possibly covering the Saturday night as well which is often more expensive.If so I can see why it comes to that amount because in. A select country hotel it could be £150 a room a night easily plus two three course meals at £50 per head is not unusual,just look at hotels on trip adviser etc.
Yes of course travel lodge etc are cheaper but you wouldn't want to stay in them for a 60th.would you!!?
Fully inclusive holiday and flight for under 500 for a week are probably out od season or pretty basic I'd imagine.Here we're talking about a decent country hotel in the uk which is always dearer anyway than abroad.
I recently had my 60th in a country hotel,invited group of friends plus family,small group.My husband and I stayed two nights then on the second night were joined as a surprise by the others for dinner and they all stayed in the same hotel.We paid for their meal and wine,they paid their Sunday nights accomodation which was on offer for £60 which was a Sunday offer.Nobody objected,one flew from Zurich for it but my daughter told them months in advance what the situation was and what they were asked to pay for.
Finally why are people celebrating 65 ,you can't even get the state pension at that age anymore!

This is something I have some experience of. I had a big birthday (ending in 0)at the beginning of December and on the day the party/meal was from 12.00 - 4.00 paid for by my partner and I. The previous evening many friends and family stayed at the local Novotel paid for by themselves but a bargain at £49.00 per night (on a Saturday) and enjoyed a meal at a local Italian restaurant where main courses started at £8.95 again paid for by themselves. So a lovely weekend was had by all, most of whom didn't need to pay more than £90 -£100 per couple which covered food, drink and accommodation.

To keep the peace I am going along with this madness under protest. The group will be six sisters five with five husbands the sixth sister is the one who organises it and gets it free. I am not happy about it, birthday girl is as tight as a drum and would not give you a cold let alone anything else.

Remember doing skiing trips with someone who would organise for at least ten or something and then she and her family would go free. Also bagged best room. In a way,didn't mind as she had hassle of doing organising, but think your sis in law is bang out of order. I would suddenly discover terribly important I had to do that weekend.

Yes. Very cheeky and unreasonable.

she is taking the mick

Are the others just going along to keep the peace? If so, it sounds like there needs to be a discussion with the six-sister. Why are all of you rolling over and playing cowed puppies for the tightwad?