Giving money instead of gift/gift card.

Abbey, if you Google ' Toilet Twinning' , you will find the information that you need. If you do go ahead, you get a photo of the twinned toilet.

You are quite right, I do resent them. I resent them for not realising that their brother was more in need of help than they are...... at least one complains of her ill health, the other of her poor finances (which caused the rift with DH as he believes she pocketed the money from his fathers will and then said there was nothing - her husband and his aunt were executors). His brother has a deteriorating neurological condition and I have been told this afternoon that his sister who he lived with has put him in a home, so Lord alone knows whats going on there. All of them are widowed.

I am far younger than any of them and still work. I resent it because really, its my money that pays for the gifts not my husbands pension and he has made it clear to me that he will not "keep" me and allow me to retire.

I did try the GP for my husband but got nowhere. However, I can cope with him mostly ..... it will be me who has to drop the gifts through the door of his sister (they wont answer if I knock). I dont feel like making the detour out to them. Its 20 miles.

So, lots of things, yes.

I am seriously thinking of converting the money into gifts for WWF (I do like animals) and putting the certificates in the post to them. I also, like the idea of a toilet as a gift in a devloping country gift - is there one?

You can buy a nice sponsred toilet in Rwanda or some such places and send them the receipt.....they deserve a nice lav for Christmas.

You are so much nicer than me I would not bother at all. Surely a card would suffice?

I've bought a cludgee for Christmas for friends who have everything and just like a laugh and some poor soul without facilities would be very pleased.

By the way, my husband doesn't go out of the house since he was in voluntarily retired, in Abbey's 4 th post is the most concerning part of her posts. I agree with the others Medical help is needed here and her OH's depression most likely has contributed to the situation. This is not just a family spat, this appears to be a very unhappy man.

If you really want to send a gift (and I must admit that I wouldn't) why not order a Christmas plant or flowers to be delivered? I'm sure they would be appreciated.

Didn't quite answer the question:

Message on card:

'Hope you have a very happy Christmas and New Year! It would be lovely to hear from you'.

I buy for my side of the family, OH buys for his. There are so many it would be too much for one person, so this works for us.

Same here I am afraid. If you do not have other contact with them don't give a present, send a card.

I do give money in a card for nephews and nieces but they do keep in touch and even send chocolate or biscuits at Christmas.

I think those cards where you write your own messages are great for Christmas. Say Happy Christmas and pop in a £+Note. It saves the hassle of going to the dedicated voucher stores which is annoying if there is not one near to you or on the internet. Gardening vouchers in particular are difficult for me.

I agree with other posters, they would only get a card from me, no message no apologies.
By the way my son's wife makes him get all cards and all presents for me and his sister. And we aren't estranged.

We never see DH's family unless there is a family funeral so I do not spend a second thinking about gifts for them, I send a card at Christmas. I think family counselling is way over the top for a family spat.

well said teddy123. So sad to think that someone is doing something they don't want to, like sending gifts to ungracious unliked people. Make a stand Abbey if only for your own self esteem and dignity.

Why on earth do you feel the need to give them anything? They are estranged from your OH. You never see them. Honestly I'd send a note saying you were cutting down on presents for adults and would no longer be sending any to them. If they're offended, so what? It sounds like it's no loss to you.

That should say...I watched.....

I arched a savvy shoppers program yesterday and the only people who benefit from gift cards are the shops as they wont give change, have cut off dates and all other forms of conditions. Cash is better.....albeit I prefer to give a proper present.

Thanks FarNorth xx

I agree with you, Teddy123.

There is far more to this than the gift problem.

This is the strangest post ever.
For whatever reasons, you appear to be estranged from this side of your 'family', your OH is ok with this situation and yet you explain he has a strong sense of 'family'. Your OH doesn't leave home etc. You don't think your in laws like you. And so it goes on.

I feel you're trapped in a terribly sad situation and yet you seem to be concerned about gifts which frankly seems to be the least of your problems.

I would make a New Years resolution to speak to your Gp to see if he can organise some family counselling for you and your husband.

I'm sure other posters might think I'm being overly harsh .... But truly this has got to be the most worrying post I've ever read

I hope you find the strength to turn your life around so that you can live in harmony with your family ...

Abbey has said, vouchers for things they often don't want.

Some people don't have enough to worry about if this the burning question of the day! Tell him to do it himself

I agree with FarNorth. Give to charity, but in the form of a goat, sheep, books or whatever. That way, you feel you have done something towards your SiLs but you don't actually give them anything.
You don't say what sort of thing you get from them, if nothing, I would return the compliment!!!

I agree with Janet. OH needs a trip to the doctors. This problem may be due to his depression and his behaviour towards them as a result causing the rift.

Presents are a minor problem compared to your husband's unhappiness and finding help for him.

Sounds like OH may have depression which is making him even more crotchety, perhaps trip to Dr's and explanation to estranged family with pleasure for truce? Depends on desired outcome.
Agree with Rosina and have done that this year without a second thought......why was I wasting my time and effort for such an ungrateful bunch?

I Would just say to DH you are not doing the gifts due to circumstances and if he wants to send them something, then It over to him to sort it. Don't give it another thought, you probably you have enough to do thinking about food over the Christmas period. Far more important.

There are lots of charity donation type gifts for around £25. Here is a link to oxfam unwrapped but there are many others :

www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped?pscid=ps_ggl_Unwrapped2016_BAU&gclid=Cj0KEQiA-MPCBRCZ0q23tPGm6_8BEiQAgw_bAmxFshNmqPB0xAfocdMvYNr0-Fhrq_U1BoG-yshjzQQaAvaJ8P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=CKrL5Iq-89ACFbMV0wodshMGQw

We have started giving gift tokens or cash to our DGC and I usually just put on the card:

"We hope you enjoy choosing something nice with this."
I prefer them to be able to do that instead of me wasting money on something they may not like or want.

I agree with janeainsworth and everybody else who wonders why you are still sending these people presents even thouogh you have no real contact with them.
I no longer send presents to my DH's sister's adult daughters as they never acknowledged them and we have very little contact. Really I only give presents to my own close family and my sister and her family - though I've given her children money rather than gifts for years and years. Everybody else has to make do with a Christmas card!