Difficult situation with family member...

Other than talk to his social worker I'm not sure what else you can do. If he's legally capable of making decisions then he has to make his choices good or bad.

I'm really sorry this is happening. It must be terrible for you.

I agree with VQ, gettingonabit.
The social worker will be bound by confidentiality not to discuss your cousin with you, however she probably welcomes your input as it will give her a better insight into your cousin's situation.

I think all you can do is ask her to let you know if her opinion of your cousin's capacity changes - and if you are not already listed as your cousin's next of kin, ask him to consider doing this, as that might make it easier for the SW to discuss things with you.

Sadly this is not an uncommon situation, if you are worried that your cousin is vulnerable with this couple, try and talk to him when he is in a receptive mood, not easy to do when you are at a distance.
My Mum who had Altzehimers was scammed out of a lot of money by a someone who she thought was helping her. When confronted by family this person disappeared and the money was never recovered. When we went with Mum to the bank and building society they encouraged her to have a second signature on all transactions as they gave examples where people had been taken to draw out money by unscrupulous fraudsters when only one signature was required.
Could you talk to this couple and find out a bit more about them, sometimes local grapevines are a useful source of information as well, perhaps make them aware that there are family members around who care what happens.

Sadly, the priority of being cared about, wanted and needed is more important to him than being potentially conned.

Hopefully a social worker on here can give you some more advice.

As the SW won't be able to discuss this with you would it be worth finding an independant listening ear to get advice from I think it's a very common problem it's so difficult as you don't want to take your cousins friends away from him but by the same token you obviously feel you need to do something I think the next of kin advice that Jane gave is good

My aunt lost all her money, leaving her penniless to a befriending carer My uncle left her £16,000 on his death she had a very limited lifestyle and apart from a tiny amount of food ( she was the size of a sparrow) spent nothing, and her pension more than covered her needs she died a few short years after him with not a penny She had looked on the carer as the daughter she never had We had huge difficulty as the carer had given her name as next of kin although my dad my aunts next of kin along with my mum visited her every week without fail we only found that out when she was in hospital near the end of her life my dad asked the charge nurse some questions and was told they could only discuss it with the next of kin My Dad was gob smacked very hurt and angry he was very elderly by that time and it threw him completely We got that bit changed but it was all too late We took legal advice afterwards but because my aunt was of sound mind albeit frail and the carer said everything she'd had had been presents there was nothing we could do and she got away with it We did report her to the agency she worked for but last I heard she was with another agency

I think Bluebelle's story highlights the need to sort out who is your cousin's next of kin. Are there any relatives other than yourself, who could be named as his NOK? I appreciate it must be hard for you if you suspect this couple and his other friends are exploiting him, but it is surely part of his social worker's job to be on the look out for this sort of thing as it must be quite common in older people who have some difficulties. Talking with the SW will be the best thing, but I'm not sure if a SW can ban anyone from seeing your cousin. A very hard situation for yiu

You, not yiu. Pressed the wrong button.

I would definitely discuss it with the social worker, as others have suggested, but you may get some helpful advice from an organisation called Action on Elder Abuse. Sounds like you have cause for concern, and they may be able to support you to protect your cousin. Good luck.

Hi. Very difficult situation. SW would not be able to discuss situation with anyone unless given permission (possibly written permission) by your cousin. Might be worth asking SW if checks could be carried out on his "friends" to see if anything is known about them in view of his mental health problems. If your cousin mentions them stealing again you could suggest that he considers putting in a CCT system as he seems to like technology. In case they are withdrawing money from his bank account you might like to ask for an appointment with his bank manager to mention your concerns - but the bank would not be able to discuss any withdrawals with you. Good luck.

Maybe you could discuss with him about making a written arrangement with these two people setting out financial terms i.e. Cleaning for two hrs per week @£10 hr. then pay them by cheque. Can he take some control by putting his money into a locked safe or better into a bank. Maybe a 'hypothetical' story from you about someone you know, could help him to consider his options to keep himself and his finances safe. Perhaps if this couple give him an invoice and only get paid with a cheque (which is obviusly traceable by DSS) then they may be less likely to invent amount of hours worked and overcharging him.

elderabuse.org.uk

I don't know much about this sort of thing, but even if he is of sound mind would this not come under Safeguarding Adults? Action on Elder Abuse will be able to advise.

I don't think the SW can interfere here but perhaps some of our GN SWs can clarify.

I know a couple who took advantage of an elderly alcoholic. They convinced her to sell them her house at a knock-down price. The idea was she'd have some cash in the bank and she could rent it from them at an agree low rent and so stay in her own home for the rest of her life. They also convinced her to use her banked money to upgrade the house. As they were her 'friends' she trusted them completely and had nothing put in writing re this agreement.

Between that and her drinking she inevitably used up all her funding, couldn't pay the rent and was evicted. Her 'friends' ended up with the house, completely renovated and she was condemned to move to social housing where she died a few months later.

Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and advice.

hilltop the couple are local, and I'm known to them, so I'm surprised they are trying to take advantage. Of course, I could be completely wrong about them and they are completely genuine people, with my cousin's best interests at heart.

The social worker has her concerns too, and has insisted my cousin get a safe for his money. He's done this, and I know the combination. He has absolutely no need to withdraw and keep cash in the house, however.

Thanks for the tip about being named next of kin. I hadn't thought of that as I assumed this would be taken as a given. The SW is aware of me, and has met me. I understand the confidentiality issue too, so it must be difficult for the SW too, knowing my cousin's vulnerability and being unable to discuss it with me.

Another thought that's suddenly occurred to me is that he may be suffering from some form of dementia. He's quite canny with money in the sense that he doesn't spend a great deal, but on the other hand he doesn't seem able to relate his spending to his bank statements, for example. I'm wondering whether it would be useful to have a proper assessment carried out.

ankers I think you're right about his need to feel wanted.

I've also been considering getting Power of Attorney but I'm assuming I'd need his permission for that too?

Sorry-hadn't seen the latest replies!

Yes you would need his agreement to have P of A and I think being next of kin too.It's a myth that belong a close (the closest) relative automatically confers this.Regarding P of A the person has to be 'of soundmind'when it's done so I'd be careful of voicing concerns about dementia until you have got this in place ,if he agrees .There are two-one for Health and Wellbeing one for Managing your affairs (I can't remember the exact names)

There is not much you can do. We live quite far away from my in laws who live on a very valuable plot. They have a so called friend. She is an absolutely horrible person who is married to a much younger man herself. She has no pension and has successfully alienated her husband's children. When we had to go and live with them because of a crisis, we realised the extent of her worming her way into their life.
My MIL loves her and won't hear a word against her. When I arrived my MIL said the 'good friend' had offered to take the deeds of the farm to her solicitor, or her solicitor could come to the farm.
During our stay we had to leave for four days as we had booked flights. We got care in and organised friends, whilst we were away. 'Good Friend' spent the four days trying to persuade my MIL that she didn't need us. She also put her name down as next of kin to my FIL when he went into hospital, despite his wife and children. I told my FIL but he is besotted as well. The woman is beautiful to look at.
I saw a solicitor, but was told as my MIL was of sound mind there was nothing that they could do.
My friend has just lost £500,000 as her brother was groomed by a much younger married woman.
It should be a crime recognised in law. I think it may be in other countries.

Social workers can be as much of a hindrance as a help so proceed with caution. Do contact the 'action against elder abuse' people and if the right moment arises talk to your cousin, if he has a CPN maybe they can assist. A power of attorney can be about money or welfare in the future, he may be amenable to that when he thinks about it, we all have to consider it no matter what our state of health. Maybe you can talk to him about your own arrangements?

Vulnerable people often have access to benefits and are easy pickings, for the seemingly kind vultures, that can take advantage, it is one of the most difficult areas to achieve some satisfaction on, as he would have to want it (unless he were sectioned) and if social services become involved they can be pretty draconian in their actions.

Does he have a will? if not discuss that with him and then, maybe a solicitor will raise the other issues with him (all fairly normal) that way he would not feel undermined as a person with problems, but rather someone in charge of his own affairs.

The power of attorney thing does require quite a bit of admin for the person with power, so think before you take that on, I know a few people who have regretted it when they have fallen foul of the system.

Being vulnerable is not easily avoided, if you are vulnerable the state can be as formidable a concern to your welfare as any petty thief in the community.

radical I've asked him about a will. Some time ago he claimed he had made one. I believed him, as I had no reason not to. Now I'm not so sure, as he hasn't mentioned it since. I will do so again. As I said upthread, he's quite cagey about information he gives me and can also be quite manipulative.

I've thought about installing some sort of surveillance. I could probably do this without his knowledge, even, but if i WERE to find evidence of wrongdoing I doubt my cousin would want to take matters further anyway. I've discussed this with him in the past when he claimed these "friends" were stealing from him, and he's afraid of repercussions. On the other hand, I have to be mindful of the fact that he could be making the situation up to gain attention. He's capable of some quite manipulative behaviour himself!

Tricky.

Maybe you should try to persuade your relative to grant you, or somebody in your family close to them, power of attorney. My aunt did that with me quite a few years ago before she went into a nursing home. We had considerable trouble with a firm of solicitors who tried to get in the way and charge huge sums of fees (way over £30k). Additionally although I had power of attorney an unscrupulous family friend arrived at her nursing home one day with a pre prepared piece of paper demanding that she sign it (she was 92 and not really with it) appointing him as her personal medical representative. He had my contact points and had never bothered to contact me. After she later died I found obsequious letters from him to my aunt looking for a bequest (which he got!) Somebody else I know also wrote similar letters to another aunt which were of course found after her later death. There are PLENTY of people about seeking to wrest bequests and legacies!

Oh dear. We had a very similar situation with my Dad who became very lonely after my Mother died and fell victim to a very flirty house cleaner.

We hadn't a clue what to do... but it occurred to us that Dad might not be the only lonely old boy in her sights... and that turned out to be true.

We spoke to two people. My Dad's solicitor who has been with the family for ages.... and who said this sort of situation is depressingly common.

And also the local police... who knew the woman... and all her family. They were brilliant.

Very difficult for you. We monitored the situation at arm's length, because we knew if we approached my Dad directly he would be upset.

These people shouldn't get away with what is essentially grooming old people for money... but the hard part is proving what they are up to.

Best of luck anyway.

Agree with Neversaydie about not mentioning suspicion of Dementia if you want to get the two kinds of Lasting Powers of Attorney for i)Finance and Property & ii) Health and Welfare. Also, don't mention it to bank until you get things in place. Best to consult a solicitor who is a member of the Society of Trust & Estate Practitioners (STEP), and Solicitors for the Elderly. I'm in the process of getting LPAs for myself, with my daughters as my Attorneys, so relatively straightforward, and I think everyone should get them, as it's a total nightmare where someone becomes unable to deal with any or some of their affairs without LPAs. Perhaps you could tell your cousin that you have been investigating LPAs for yourself and are consulting a solicitor, and perhaps he would like to do the same? Such a solicitor could give very good advice about your cousin's affairs in general. e.g. putting house or money into a Discretionary Trust. As for the couple of whom you are suspicious, you could be wrong, but even if they are not dodgy, it might be as well to be seen to be a bit more 'on the scene' and taking an interest in your cousin's affairs. Good luck!

With his agreement you may be able to set up a third party mandate for his bank account. This would be cost free and enable you to keep an eye on his account.

Thanks all. Such brilliant suggestions and information. I will definitely look into PoA, and investigate the bank account third party mandate too.

I've got in touch with my local Elder Abuse office too, and await their reply.

Hopefully he'll agree to "let me in" a bit more!