Need to get this off my chest!

Some of whats been going on is surely down to very new gd being short of sleep may have thrown up problems they didn't know they had and married life may not be back on track. Have gd as much as you can and make the most of it it soon passes! Hopefully if a new home is on the cards things will settle down. Christmas just fell at the wrong time.

I agree with so much advice on here, do try to just be quietly in the background & babysit when you can. Let them sort their own problems out. I don't think new Mums always realise what a struggle it is doing Christmas for the Family with the addition of a new baby.

I was lucky that I hosted Christmas for first two years after eldest DGS was born relieving the stress on my S-D & SiL. Her DM & S-F also stayed Christmas Day with them to help out

Alcohol doesn't really help (been there....)

Moving house is one of the most stressful events in life. Having a baby is another. Hosting Christmas for a large number on top of all that - it must all have been too much for them. A cheerful baby is a good sign though!

We all go through tough times. Re the increased contact recently, give him the benefit of the doubt for now and give him a hug when you see him. He will talk if he wants to, and more easily if you just give him the space.

I am worried about the alcohol situation, especially with a baby
It was christmas day, with the pressure of both mothers there and a new baby and a row and a possible move…. (.. and breath!)

I'ld hardly say you caught her on a typical day, it's a massive leap to now be "worried about the alcohol situation.

I can see why your son is brushing you off, why don't you want to help unless he dishes the "dirt" on his marriage? - now you actually sound nice and I don't think that's what you're trying to do, but that is what your actions are saying.

We should all be vigilant about young children where alcohol is involved. To be drunk in charge of a child can be viewed at worst as a criminal offence and at the least as negligence if someone has had so much to drink they are not totally capable of caring for a child. Being unable to respond to any emergency, being unable to drive (it's no excuse in law that you needed to get to a hospital), being unsteady when carrying a baby and possibly falling over - or worse - downstairs. I had to have very stern words with my daughter and her husband who were completely incapable after a night out. I was told to butt out but I threatened no babysitting ever unless I stayed overnight or had the baby at my house if they were going out drinking. Having a baby means growing up!

Hang on a minute now, the childs father was there too, and unless he was unable to respond to an emergency or the needs of the child, the mother was not in any way neglecting or putting the child at risk by being drunk on that one day.

If she was drunk on a tuesday afternoon when she was alone with the baby.. that would be a major concern.

being unable to drive (it's no excuse in law that you needed to get to a hospital)

That is complete rubbish.
Being unable to call a taxi if the child needs out of hours doctor - yes
Being unable to drive? err no. Not every parent has a car or a licence and they are not breaking the law.

Sounds to me like they had had a disagreement before you arrived. You can always tell. There is a distinct atmosphere which is hard to miss. Being extra polite, or worse snapping at each other is one sign.

I would hazard a guess that they were going through a difficult time. Maybe that is sorted, maybe not yet, but it does look as though they are trying if they went ahead and bought the house.

Like your son says, he needs a bit of thinking/me time. Nothing to do with you or how they feel about you, just something they have to sort out between themselves

On the positive side you will get to see more of your GD so why not celebrate that and make the most of it

We had bad news over Christmas too. My nephew and his wife have split. For the second time, which will probably end in divorce now. Count your blessings.

ps. About the alcohol. Surely you are allowed a drink or two over the Christmas Day aren't you? Unless it is a regular thing for your dil to have one too many I wouldn't worry. GD was gurgling on the sofa didn't you say? If she was clean and well fed and happy I would not worry.

Notanan: you have misunderstood my point. Driving whilst under the influence is an offence under any circumstances not being unable to drive per se. In any case I was speaking generally and not specifically about the original scenario. I consider it rather rude to describe a comment as 'rubbish'. We are all entitled to an opinion whether or not you agree with it. Much nicer to just say 'I disagree' don't you think?

You weren't stating it as opinion Nana, you were stating it as a legal fact, and you were wrong, that's not a matter of opinion.

(p.s. I didn't misunderstand you, you were just wrong. If you can't drive a car due to some alcohol but can safely access emergency help / care for a child if needed by other means (taxi, neighbour etc), no legal offense has occured there.

They've possibly not had a proper drink since your grandchild was born, and maybe just had a bit too much on that day.
All you can do is keep an eye (very discreetly) and hopefully it'll be clear it was just a "blip"

Well, the question now seems to be, does dil regularly drink a lot or was this just because of the holiday? If it's an ongoing problem, ds needs to take action. Otherwise, no big deal.

I am new to this site,joined a while ago but never posted anything or looked at site. I understand completely, I have had terrible 4 1/2 yrs husband passed away,daughter not speaking to me, not allowed to see grandaughter now turned 1.
But I am through it all and can now see the way I dealt with everything, so wrongly. I pushed my daughter further away, not realising at the time.
I now realise where I went wrong and the things that I said and did wrong. I can wait now and hope that she will talk to me one day and that I will see my gd.

I think that you handled the day very well, but I just wanted to say, although you do seem a very level headed and lovely person, not like I was, that maybe you could tell your soon (text Mes) you love him and that if he needs you, you will always be the there for him.
Sorry, but I would not want anyone to repeat my mistakes.
I am now in a great place and feel very positive.

linj53
I doubt if the OP will see your post. It was last January.