Now retired, my husband wants us to travel - I will miss Grandchildren!

Does the poor SIL want you to go on holiday ?

I wouldn't even consider being away from my grandson for more than a fortnight, an my husband knows better than to even suggest any longer! ( he would probably struggle too! )'

Travel and enjoy it while you can. Keep in touch with emails and photos. You will treasure those travels when you are older and perhaps cannot travel. I was also sad to leave young grandchildren when we were posted to Fiji for six months. I learnt so much, met new people and learnt new skills. We have great memories of this time and other travels. Now we cannot do so much and I am so pleased we sought adventure together.

I would suggest waiting till after the baby's first birthday because that first year goes so quickly and they change so much. But really throw yourself into planning the Mexico trip at the same time. Those extra months would give you more time for planning and organisation and you could make it something really special.

I have a lovely friend who is now grandma to four little ones under 5. Her husband's birthday is the week before Christmas and he always likes to go somewhere warm for 2 weeks, usually coming home about the 23rd December. Over the last couple of years my friend has not wanted to go, feeling that she is missing out on their excitement in the build up to Santa coming. When they returned a few weeks ago she told him that she didn't want to go in December anymore. She is more than happy to go on any date he chooses between January to November but just not December. Initially, he thought it was unreasonable, he likes going away for his birthday but she explained that they don't go away for hers either. He now accepts what she's saying and they are booking again shortly. There has to be a compromise in everything. Of course you must go but can it be planned for when not much is likely to be happening. You say your granddaughter is 7 months so I'm assuming you would like to be here for her first birthday in approximately may. Most likely she will have taken her first steps by then but err on the side of caution and add an extra couple of months on, taking you to July. Of course you will want to be here for Christmas but that still gives you august, September, October and November. I'm sure your husband would be happy to make it a slightly shorter break if he can see you are trying

Good post Barmy.
I'd just like to point out on behalf of all grandparents who don't live geographically close to their grandchildren, that it is perfectly possible for both the GPs and the GDCs to survive a few months' separation emotionally unscathed and have a rewarding and fulfilling relationship with the GDCs when you do see them.

maggiemaybe, (your post 10:15:35) I didn't see the previous comment about OP being a big girl now. I did see several about compromise and I remarked somewhere that compromise by both partners looked like a good idea to me. I was not arguing with anything you said and, being less than perfect, I do miss stuff.

Go and enjoy your travels. We did just that for 4 months, I use to WRITE letters to the gc with little drawings on and they loved it (age 7 downwards) also collected the stamps, also sent colourful postcards. You are only going for a few months, not a life time and you will enjoy them all the more when you get back. It will also give your daughter a realility check about looking after her family and standing on her own two feet., after all she has choosen her lifestyle. you are very lucky that you still have your husband and that you both feel fit enough to travel. Many people would love to be in your shoes, so start thinking of him.

I'm with thatbags all the way with this one. You can't live your life through your grandchildren, poor hubby I think his feelings are being ignored. You can bring them nice presents back from your adventures.

Why not go for 2 months then come back for a couple of months then go for another 2 months.

Then of course there is the blunt, but very true post from willsmadnam. Heed her advice I would think.

I think you need to compromise. Either go for shorter periods together or OH can go on his own. I frequently backpack all over the world on my own so there is no reason why he can't. However I suspect he would rather have you to himself for a while - and why not I say!! Good luck with your decisions

I agree about the long periods away I enjoy my everyday activites-language class, choir walking etc -and wouldn't want to disrupt for too long .it's ever so nice to go travelling but its also nice to come home .....

May I say to those posters who prefer the company of their grandcildren, or a family holiday, over a week/month or two away with their partner ..'you need to take a long, hard look at your relationship'. Was he just there to provide you with children and grandchildren, and having done that, has no further use?

I understand how you feel because I miss my grandchildren when we go away.

Witz

Marmight, your acquaintance was perhaps an extreme case!

I don't want to do everything my oh wants to, or go everywhere he goes, but that doesn't mean we never do things together, or go away for a week or two together, and enjoy it.

And neither does he want to do everything I do.
He goes to yoga and French conversation classes - I have piano lessons and spend a lot of time practising.
In Feb he is going for a week on a residential French course in the south of France with my brother and SiL.
I will not be joining them, because a) it means staying in someone's house, and nowadays I draw the line at staying in the house of anyone I don't know really well. (I need to be able to make myself cups of tea at 3 am if I feel like it!)
And b) my French is miles better than his anyway!

Shall enjoy a nice peaceful week on my own, playing a lot of piano and probably eating a lot of fish fingers rather than cooking Proper Meals.

Go. Life is short, you don't know what is round the corner. Your daughter can perfectly well cope without you and you will soon enough be home to take up the Granny reins again. I have an acquaintance, the sister of a friend, who refused to go away or do anything with her husband after his early retirement, even for a week, because she was 'needed' by her daughter and gc's. She saw them every day, cleaned the house, fetched from school and eventually the inevitable happened. Much as he loves the gc he wanted to spend time with his wife and experience new places so he took off on holidays on his own,to walk, which is his passion and found a walking partner. They are now separated and the walking partner is now more than that. The gc are growing up and fairly soon she will not be needed so much. I see a lonely life ahead for her. A bit of give and take and compromise goes a long way. Grandparents are not indispensable and have their own lives to lead! I would do anything to have my husband back so we could fulfil our planned adventures ....

Dogs, the OP was asking for your opinion and does not deserve your condemnation.By all means give your opinion which is what we want to hear but I think it is wrong to criticise people you have no knowledge of.

I couldn't agree more with your first paragraph Witzend !

How can anyone "enjoy themselves" if part of them wishes they weren't there. Handmadedogs ?

I have a problem going away for 2 weeks holiday. I can't wait to get home. I know how you feel.

Dogsweaters, I think that was uncalled for.
Loving your grandchildren and wanting to maintain a close relationship with them, especially when they're little, is not the same as being obsessed.

And I don't see that it's selfish of the OP not to want to do the same as her husband.
I don't know why it's so often assumed that husbands and wives HAVE to do everything together, and that there's something wrong if you don't.

However it's possible that I feel differently, since my dh travelled a lot for work, and was often away for extended periods, so it's never been a case of us being joined at the hip. I know there are couples who have never spent a night apart during decades of marriage, so they are bound to find it harder to be apart.

Opposite way round for me. DH was keen to do childcare, pickup and drop off school run 5 days s week, so in the end I carried on working part time mostly because I loved the job, but partly because it drove me crazy being tied to school hours. That didn't go down too well, and neither did my reasoning.

Could you not go with him for part of the time?

My dh is more keen on long haul travel than I am now. We have done quite a lot in the past but I used to have much itchier feet!
Twice now I have accompanied him for a couple of weeks, while he's gone further/stayed longer.
It's not been a problem for us at all.
Nowadays a couple of weeks away is plenty for me.

The question has not arisen since we had grandchildren - both of ours were born in the past 21 months - and we usually see them at least once a week. I would really hate it now if we were not able to see them for a long time, quite apart from the fact of helping my dd with them. So from that POV too I don't think you are BU at all.

Incidentally my sister and her Dh went and spent 3 months in Australia after they retired. While they mostly enjoyed it, my sister said it was far too long and quite a while before the end she was dying to get home.

I think the op is being very selfish towards her husband, just go and enjoy yourself. Sounds as though you need your GC more probably than they need you.Some people are obsessed about their GC and seem to have nothing else going on in their lives.