Estrangement / Cut off Mum

I wasn't told we were told our daughter had a new family now

I begged and pleaded to be told what I could do to make it right and apologised for anything I may have done wrong without realising,

However the decision was final and we never got a chance to even discuss it,

Starlady "What does that even mean, "not good enough to be a gran?" What do these young people (the ones who say this) think we need to do/be in order to be "good enough" to be a gran to their children?"

That's what I was wondering. I don't think B0hdi was clear on this man's meaning either.

Maybe there was a back story?

I'm not saying they are right, BTW. I'm just wondering what is in their heads when they say things like this or if they even know.

What does that even mean, "not good enough to be a gran?" What do these young people (the ones who say this) think we need to do/be in order to be "good enough" to be a gran to their children? Celebgran, Bodhi, did they say?

It's not unusual Arabra
It's what I was told that I was t good enough to be a gran it will ring in my ears until I die it still has power to make me cry so I try hard not to dwell on it

Fortunately my twin lets me share his beautiful grandchildren who i am good enough for happy to say.

celebran, you have lots of fun and support on your thread, exactly what you want. I find the comments to B unseemly, that is my point.

Arrabra u ignore as Smilelss says any remarks addressed to yourself yet have the cheek to pester bohdi tree who has probably run a mile after seeing your posts?

b0dhiTree "I am not a good enough person to be a grandmother."

The temerity still bothers me, update?

Smileless - we seem to be leading a parallel life - my ancient cat had to be washed down with a wet flannel (he was not impressed) and I also made shepherds pie from yesterday`s beef - smelt lovely but was so sloppy that I told DH it would be good preparation for when we live in the care home and have no teeth!

Hope your appointment goes well Celeb. Dreams are weird aren't they; if only we could control them and stop ourselves from dreaming the dreams that only serve to make us sad.

I've had a better day today. Kept myself busy; got up to date with my work, did some house work, bathed my cat (yes, you read that correctly)and the shepherds pie I made with the cold beef from yesterdays roast is in the oven and smells lovely.

These periods of sadness are horrible, even though I know they'll pass and I have all of you to lean on.

To make you smile: "A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, 'Mom.' With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands..."

"Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice...even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith."

"PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my grade card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home."

www.gransnet.com/forums/relationships/1233880-Continued-support-and-fun-aspects-too-of-rebuilding-lives-after-estrangement-cant-believe-4-years-and-we-still-here-to-offer-help-friendship-and-support

It's this one sparkly,grandma welcome ! X

celebgran could you DM me where the main thread is, or its title. Thank you.

I hope your trip to the Specialist tomorrow is fruitful.

Smileless ??sorry u been struggling a bit.

I had another dream about my daughter last night. It was v upsetting she was with my late mum who had been seeing her without telling me, ingot v angry and asked why she went t police, it was sad.

I definitely think horrid gloomy weather not helping

Getting quite nervous about appt with back Specialist tomorrow ???

b0dhiTree "I now have a grandson that I am not able to see as this man has told me I am not a good enough person to be a grandmother."

What is dd thinking about this man's nasty statement?

That is a good idea Sparklygran and of course we have our main thread which remains untainted.

Thank you for you kind and supportive post Beth. More than 4 years into out estrangement I still have periods where I find it difficult 'to put one foot in front of the other'. This past week has been a bit of a trial TBH but I know it'll pass eventually.

What would any of us do without our loving and supportive family and friends and the friendships that have been formed on GN.

Sparklygran that's excellent, but our main thread fortunately wasn't hijacked

Off out for lunch peaceful happy Sunday all x

celebgran Yogagirl and Smileless2012

I think we are brave to go on day by day, to speak about being EGP with others, and to expect some respect and compassion is not strange or unreasonable?

Maybe an Estrangement thread should be a different type of thread, password only? GNHQ might consider?

It could still be advertised as a thread with anonymised examples of posts?

I think people are too hurt already and dealing with negative posts is too much, but sharing and finding out you are not alone, is SO important?

Just a thought, just a suggestion

Beth 61. Year U are so right and it has been very distressing ? for those of us going through the nightmare of sadness or estrangement

Why people chose to be so unkind I cannot fathom and totally agree.

I am just catching up with this thread and am a bit perplexed. Firstly, I do hope that BOdhitree is coping with what is a sad situation. Having been through it I sometimes found it hard to put one foot in front of the other and that was with a supportive network of family and friends . I am also struggling with what I can only describe as unhelpful and unkind comments from some posters. Having received only kindness and support on GN when I went through torrid times, I am bewildered as to why some posters are being so unpleasant when responding to a clearly distressed fellow human.

Of course, I meant to say 'not in our unfortunate position'.

I don't suppose B0dhiTree will post on here again Starlady and it's such a shame but totally understandable. A GM reaches out to other GM's on GN in the understandable but sadly mistaken belief that she'll be given some advice on how best to cope and maybe one day recover.

Support is given even though none of us have any advice as such. All we can do is share our own experiences and the small steps we've taken to try and rebuild our lives. Then of course we have the other posters, who delight in 'having a go' at others in pain by turning what's posted into something completely different, taking our words out of context and at times putting words into our mouths.

If we ignore them then yes, eventually they'll get bored and go away but I think they actually, although unintended, sometimes help our cause.

We talk openly and honestly about our estrangements and of course there'll be some who'll think we must have done something to deserve it. Then again, they'll be some who read the nasty reactions to our posts who may think 'there's no need to be so cruel and judge mental '; we often see supportive posts of that nature.

Perhaps seeing the uncalled for nastiness on GN may make others think that the unjustified cutting out of parents and GP's isn't as far fetched as it seems.

Celeb and Yogagirl.

Kindness and empathy is also forthcoming from those not in our fortunate position. As Fairydoll has posted "there but for the grace of God".

Yogagirl well done ? sadly complete waste time what is the expression where there is no sense there is. no feeling ?

Sadly this applies to Arabra

You don't have to have gone through our agony and heartbreak yogagirl to feel compassion for those unfortunate enough to be estranged from loved ones, just as said so many times a basic human decency.

This is lacking in those seeking to score points and add to misery already sadly experienced but only if you take any notice of such ignorance thereby hangs the lesson just try to not waste time so such unfeeling ignorance.

Well said Smileless as always

Araabar If you were ever unfortunate enough to find yourself estranged from your beloveds, through no fault of your own, just the dislike of your D/S's partner, you will have that 'light bulb' moment and then look back on your cruel, thoughtless & uncalled for comments on a thread meant to support Mothers & Grandmothers in their darkest of times & sorrow, and surely hang your head in shame and disbelief at your heartlessness!

for all Mothers 'cut out' of the lives of their beloveds

Yogagirl fairydoll smilelss I am so proud of your U all for attempting to correct the vile posters but please see they getmsome weird kick out of inflaming you?
It really isn't worth your time just be proud that we aren't all so vile and lacking in basic human decency,

Any comments your U make to try and correct them will be twisted it really isn't worth it.

Smilelss ???❤️I know how hard it is.
I thank god for friendship we have found and can't wait for July ?
something wonderful has come out of heartbreak,

We too are unlikely to have more grandchildren but there's always hope on That score!
Even worse for dh and i is the loss of our daughter who we loved so much.
I really have to try not think of it all or I can't cope,
On her birthday the note shenhad written me years ago fell out of a cupboard and it started the flood of tears, I am I. So much back pain today, that I am crying as write this, it must make me more emotional ?That or morphine been off it most week but need something today,

Dh at work but we seeing friends for lunch tomorrow think I overdid retail yesterday so going try rest.

Happy weekend all, ???