Continued support and fun aspects too of rebuilding lives after estrangement can't believe 4 years and we still here to offer help, friendship and support.

Yogagirl, that would be my advice too, to anyone newly cut off, not to chase them. How I wish, in the early days that I had listened to my own parents, family and well meaning friends to just "leave her be" that it would fizzle out and us going back, begging, grovelling, pleading was making it worse. It was. It did. I can see that now.

How terribly sad Dorothy that loving gifts & cards sent to your beloved daughter and grandchildren have a response of police action, in the bin or returned, what a world we live in today For you Dorothy

I can see it clearly now too Dorothy but at the time..wasn't possible

Don't be too hard on yourself Dorothy, you did what you believed to be the right thing to do. Our DS, family and friends spent the first year telling us not to worry, it'll get sorted out, he'll be back just give him time and space.

They were wrong of course but who'd have thought we'd still be estranged 4.5 years later. That's as difficult to comprehend as the estrangement itself.

What I find even worse than these people posting, purely to heap more distress on already painful situations, is the blind, dogmatic way in which their opinions are delivered. They are quite obviously quoting from literature written for monetary gain, and "statistics" gleaned from the internet. The absolute "one size fits all" delusion of people unable/unwilling to accept other solutions. It is impossible to reason with such ill informed blinkered people.

Finally, in my experience, those who blindly refuse to see and accept the blatant pain and suffering laid bare on these threads, are totally lacking in compassion and human kindness. They really are to be pitied.

Yogagirl, of course it hurt back then and took me some years to accept what I perceived to be the loving actions of a parent and grandparent, our daughter perceived to be annoyance.

My parents (of the old school) would say had I ever returned a card or gift to them then I'd have never received another !

At each event they'd say "Why are you doing this, setting yourself up for heartache, sending a card, giving her the opportunity to hurt you again ignoring or whatever else ?"

What I can say is that I feel so much more at peace since I stopped the birthdays and Christmas cards and gifts sending, so much more at peace.

Smileless, I just don't think there's any set way is there, I have heard of reconcilliations after a period of space between all parties. I suppose each and everyone of us can just do what feels right for us to do.

Thank you to everyone for your supportive comments. I have a query and I wonder if others have faced similar. We updated our wills last year before this happened and are now wondering what to do. There is provision for the grandchildren, but should we increase the amount for the baby and leave nothing to his parents, leave it as it is, or make other changes. The plan was that there would be money (hopefully) for a house deposit or something meaningful for the three of them.

I should say that my son and his wife have two children, so we are lucky to have them and I am so, so grateful for that. My daughter in law is a wonderful mother.

Maybe I shouldn't answer this, Parklife since I haven't "faced similar." But as someone else said, you and dh are still in the "early days," so I wouldn't make any changes yet.

It might not seem like early days to you, but there are people here who have been estranged from their ac and gc for 4,5, even 8 years or more. What seems long to you may seem to have flown by to ed. So I think you need to give it more time. Give her lots of space and she may yet come back into your life.

And then, what would you do, change your wills back again? I would wait another year or two before making any changes.

A difficult question Parklife, one that quite a few of us have faced. It's a very personal decision and as with all the decisions we make because of our estrangements, there are no rights or wrongs.

I'm glad that you have a good relationship with your son and d.i.l. and are able to be GP's to their children. Our DS and lovely d.i.l. don't have children and it looks like we'll never enjoy the wonderful experience of being GP's.

Smileless, I think what you said about pictures is very wise. If parents don't want egps to copy or share photos of their kids, they shouldn't put them out there. Another option would be to block anyone from seeing them that they were estranged from. True, that is hurtful to egps, too, but I'm just talking about how to keep their pictures private.

If dd co me (I hate to even think about that!) from herself and my gc, I would assume she wouldn't want me to be sharing any pictures of them. But maybe that is because of what Iv read in some of these threads. I might not have thought of it otherwise.

No matter what you do, once something is on the Internet, it's out there. So unless parents ask/tell the gps not to share/copy their children's photos, I don't see how they can expect them to know. We're none of us mindreaders.

Smileless, what if you went completely "radio silence?" By that I don't just mean not sending cards and gifts to es, but how about if you stopped sending them to the gc now too? Could you and Mr.S bear to stop? Do you think that might prompt some kind of (positive) reaction? On top of having moved away, maybe the silence ironically we send a strong message?

I have been reading these threads for some time now and do not post because thankfully I am not estranged from my grandchildren although since they have been born it has not all been plain sailing is it ever I wouldn't comment on various posters situations because they are all different and it is not place to do so,what does come across though is how upsetting and life changing this is for you and how much these forums mean to you. Like NanaandGrampy have posted it is very sad that some posters just seem to want to put the boot in (so to speak ) especially on this thread as the title itself contains the word support and it sad that one poster has felt the need to stop posting, I hope you all continue to help each other and that perhaps one day your situations can resolve themselves just to say keep on helping each other

Oh wait, Smileless, I see you don't send the gc gifts, only cards. But maybe you should try stopping even those? Is there any reason to believe their parents give your cards to them, anyway? I don't mean to be hurtful, I'm just wondering if it would be worth stopping even that?

Starlady, sending the cards is the only GP thing that we can do and it's not something I could stop doing and I'm not sure Mr. S. would want to either.

Even though I know they wont receive them we feel it's important to send them. We always buy 2, one is sent and the other goes into their memory box. Even if it's when we're no longer here, I want them to know that we loved them and never forgot that we had GC; I've left the memory box to them in my will.

In a way I wish I could still hope, believe that one day we'll get a positive message from our ES but I don't anymore.

Smileless2012 you are welcome

Dorothy16 I did the same recently and stopped sending cards, presents and loving emails - all of which had been going unanswered.

In as far as any of us estranged relatives, mothers and grandparents can feel better, I do. It won't work for everyone but for me flogging the dead horse of hope was affecting me in ways I didn't realise.

We all try and do our best - I think - to not annoy our dear estranged ones any further, but we are only human?

its freezing here, time for a nice warm cuppa, anyone want one?

Starlady Forgive me if wrong but didn't U use tonpost as wendysue?

Thanks so much ladies for all Pms and I will answer them

It's difficult time for us and worst thing is the people who post under so. MAny different names and such vile things gransnet have responded well this time to ban certain poster and. Remove posts but it is an awful by product of internet that it encourages anonymous trolls.

Sad to read new posts but so glad thread is continuing to support i will keep ?
reading.

Have to comment smilelss can Understand your need to send cards, as your U know we do and gifts also well vouchers now,
I don't keep memory box but do photograph each one and put on blog for our oldest little Grandaughter so she will know we always cared, even if the cards and presents were binned. Interesting that it bought peace to Dorothy can I ask how long you have been Estranged?

Horrendous to see posts by the dreaded bibbity shame she can't read the title believe someone did say on here not worthy or reply

However yogagirl ??sorry all stress of your sharing lovely photos with us.
I had to laugh at the BC posts.

Well I think of several of you as friends lucklegs of course that means you also, and yes we must all try meet up like smilelss and I are,

God bless and enjoy weekend,

Dh taking me to see swan lake tomorrow just,hope I am ok.
Have had stop taking new tablet as was stopping me ? sleeping,

Gosh long post for a retired poster!

Glad to see you really emerge Celeb.

Re pictures, mum and dad should just tweak FB settings to block their already CO parents from seeing GC. Easy Peasy.

Parklife 1 be careful of putting things like will changes on here,I am very more guarded since one or two posters have uncertain origins

All i will say is we thought long and hard but been eight years for us and we have changed wills twice. We want to ensure those that loved and cared for us while we alive are remembered.

We feel more at peace now.

Parklife1, Your remaining son might find it quite spiteful if your will removes his sister. Maybe you don't care how you are remembered, but a nasty will won't serve you well.

LOL. Cross posted about wills.

Unhelpful posts aren't serving you well either DaisyDog but it's not stopping you.

I will add that I doubt any estranged child gives a rat's behind about their estranged parents will. EPs do seem more often the daughters' parents. Daughters expect little from parents or their wills.