Keeping my depression a secret

Grandma1954 just to reiterate what some others have suggested .... Please speak to your Gp and get a referral to a councillor to help you escape this horrible illness

I personally don't like discussing hugely personal matters with friends yet found group therapy with total strangers extremely beneficial.

Wishing you all the best. Look after yourself x

Can't really add much but do find someone to talk to if you can, you are certainly not alone

Dear Grandma1954 so sorry that your son is estranged and your husband and grandchild both have health problems

This site (see below) has a good article on help and at the end a list of organisations with telephone lines that can be rung. When I was very troubled once I rang the Samaritans on a regular basis calling my self by another name. You do not have to be just about to commit suicide. It was lovely to know at any time of day or night someone would talk to me.

www.supportline.org.uk/problems/depression.php

Thanks for all the comments and private messages. I would like to share my story with you all but don't know if that is acceptable. The starting point is over 40 years ago before we got married so there's an awful lot to tell!! Would it be ok to tell you here?

Grandma1954, I'm sure it would be fine to share your story but just to say that this is an open forum which means it's not private like a closed forum.
If this worries you at all, the best way is to write it as an outline without too much detail that could identify you. Just in case you might be concerned about your own privacy.

Hope you're feeling better. x

I have nothing to add to all the wise advice on here. I guess your underlying problem is that your husband sweeps his feelings under the carpet and thinks you should do the same. Well, as you have said, he still suffers from depression even with that attitude and will oontinue to do so. You have a choice, however - get help via your GP, a private therapist or whatever, there are people out there experienced in what you are going through, and worth consulting.

I have a husband who never expresses feelings, and am not even sure he has any. If it wasn't for me he would never suggest that we arrange to see our grandchildren, he isn't that interested in them. Though he would disagree with me.

It's very hard when you can't share feelings with your husband, so you have to look to other people, and it will be worth it if you do.

Much love and luck XX

Hello All: I am new on this site..
Lots of wonderful comments to you grandma1954 so I would second most all of it!
I am having my own issues with my son and while we are not estranged, watching him make poor choices for himself since he entered college has been very difficult. That was ten years ago!. And I am the great enabler - ha - because when he hits the "bottoms", I am always there. I too, feel that rawness often because you are trying so hard to help, and we love our kids so much, so being stiff-armed by them feels like a slap in the face. Our children can also be selfish without realizing it.
I pray which helps me (am I allowed to say that?), so I'll say a prayer for you if that is ok.
I agree to write down what is on your heart, because I feel it hurts our emotional and physical well-being not to get it out.
What makes you smile? I am alone so sometimes I get myself a little bouquet of flowers because they make me happy. Other times taking myself to the local market on a Saturday morning, or to the art museum or to hear a symphony - do something that brings some happiness inside because you deserve that.

A journal helped me a lot when my catastrophe hit me 6 years ago. Writing down the thoughts spiralling non-stop in my head had a calming effect. Any simple exercise book will do and just get the emotions down. Scribble, underline, circle, capitals, anything to get those awful fears down in writing. If you like drawing you might try just something simple like copying a picture. If my book wasn't always handy I used to panic! Really! If you have counselling, take it with you and when it's hard to speak it will remind you what you need to say.

I had the attention span of a gnat at the time and was prone to panic attacks for the first time in my life. Awful things.

You need a little support group of friends, both real and virtual. Just people who will listen and help you feel more positive. GNetters are very good at that and will always respond. Talking is therapy in itself. Strange how total strangers can help you feel better, but it works.

grandma1954 could you write to your eldest son and ask him if he would like to let bygones be bygones and resume contact with you and your husband. Don't tell him about the illnesses, just say you miss him and would love to see him and his family occasionally - no strings attached and on his terms. He may wish to see you again but doesn't know how. Nothing to lose anyway.

Update. Husband came home from hospital on Friday. He's having a procedure today as out patient. GS blood test came back normal so that's a good start. Been very tearful about everything lately. It's our 40th wedding anniversary next week and it's arranged to go away with DS, DIL and GS as it's also their anniversary. I had been so looking forward to it but have no enthusiasm now and worry that I won't be able to conjure up some "happiness". I go to sleep at night thinking of leaving home and disappearing. Is this normal if you're depressed?

(((Hugs)))