Keeping my depression a secret

Grandma1954, my heart goes out to you, I know how heartbreaking it can be when one of your children refuses to engage or speak to you, please take heart it happened to me with my eldest daughter and now my middle daughter, and I spiralled into a depression. Slowly things are getting better so please do not give up hope, I would send your son a letter explaining how you feel and that you would like to be in touch again. It won't do any harm and may just be the one thing that helps sort out things between the pair of you. I wish you all the very best and send you loads of hugs and best wishes for you and your husband and GS's health and happiness.

grandma54 I can't add to the posts above except to say that your feelings are probably natural sadness rather depression. About the rotten things that can happen to you in life which we weren't brought up to expect.
Those who we love most can hurt us most.
As others have said, writing it down can help.

I hope it has helped you by just writing it down and if you feel you have no one to turn to have you thought of keeping a diary I have a notebook and when I am feeling down I write about it in it and it does help me feel a bit better.

Please talk about it openly. When I was in the grip of this horrible illness, I made a decision that I would not pretend or cover it up; that if friends were real friends they would try to understand, even if it was outside their experience. And to acquaintances I was also totally open, on the principle that if we hide it, it becomes something that should be hidden.

Everyone was understanding and it was truly amazing how many people had been through the same thing and were glad that they could finally admit this.

I can understand that at the moment your OH is not well enough to receive this information - but hopefully there are some family members or friends who might be able to listen to how you are feeling. And talking to the GP makes a lot of sense too.

There are many people on Gransnet who have similarly suffered and many who have to deal with estrangement - I hope very much that knowing that you are not alone, that people understand and care will help to ease your distress.

Do keep sharing it with us - I know that when I was so ill, the Gransnet "team" helped me to stay afloat.

Take care.

Grandma1954,

Feel for you, nothing hurts like being estranged from one of your children. You don't get over it,must do day by day. Underneath I am so sad about my daughter, no one or anything else, however good can make up for that loss. When I read and hear about others living with this, the sensible me wants to say, if you have honestly tried all you can to reconcile you have no later alternative but to accept it and concentrate on what you do have. You have another son and grandchild and a husband, lots more than most have, the old saying, what can't be cured must be endured, easy to say I know but for your sanity you have to. Please try.

My heart goes out to you, grandma 1954! Your eldest son has obviously left a deep void in your life. It doesn't help that dh (dear husband) is now in the hospital and gs isn't doing so well either. (((Hugs)))

Are either your or dh in treatment for your depression? Imo, you BOTH should be. It's admirable to get yourself to "get on with life," but professional help may be in order. I agree that talking with other grans and writing out your feelings can help, too, so I hope you keep talking to us.

You seem to find the co (cut off) perplexing and that may add to your distress. But if you defended younger son or tried to get them to reconcile, that may be why the older one went nc (no contact) with you and dh also. It's so normal for parents to try to bring their ac (adult children) back together when there has been a rift. But some people co any family member who gets in the middle. I hope that takes the mystery out of it and maybe makes it a tiny bit easier to bear.

Like cornergran, I hope you keep in touch.

Grandma1954, I have a secret support group. We're all in the same boat. Pm if you like, You're not alone xxx

annie is right grandma1954, please don't suppress the sadness. If you have a friend you can trust please do talk to them, if not why not tell your doctor, just telling someone else can help. The support available through the NHS is patchy, but you may live in an area with a good service, why not find out? Yes, please keep talking here. I know it is a virtual world but there are many Grans here who have had a similar experience and there is support for you. Writing things down can help, not just here but in general. If there are things you would like to say to your eldest son then why not write what you would like him to hear. Not to send to him but just to express it. Then let the writing go in a way that feels appropriate, you could let it float away in a stream, lock it away, send it out to sea, tear it up and let the wind take it. Anything that feels right to you. I'm so sorry you are so unhappy. There are many worries at the moment. It sounds as if together they are overwhelming your ability to cope. It's understandable. Please do take support wherever you can. I hope your husband gets stronger very soon and your grandsons leg pain has a simple explanation. Please let us know how things go.

Do talk to someone, a close friend or relative, someone you can trust , you can open up here too, important that you don't keep all that sadness within yourself . I have always been quite strong but I have shared something so painful here and received such kindness . Avoid start that you wrote things down X