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Novelty worn off.

(48 Posts)
rubylady Mon 10-Apr-17 13:35:25

Darling son surprised me on Friday by turning up when he said he wasn't going to make it that day, full of hugs, smiles, kindness, presents and genuinly pleased to see me and be home.

48 hours later he was scratching at the door, desperate to spend time with his friends and go into Manchester, an obviously big city so different from his Aberystwyth lifestyle, and spend some time in the hustle and bustle. He says he might not be back until late.

Lovely, nice bath, chat on here, watch a bit of tele, have a nap, ignore the bombsite he has created and breathe. grin

How long does it take when you all have visitors/family visit for the novelty of them to wear off a bit?

Starlady Mon 10-Apr-17 13:44:17

Depends on if and how much they disrupt my home and my routines. Can be anywhere from one day to three.

I have one very energetic but clumsy cousin who comes in like a whirlwind, always manages to break something (unintentionally, of course), etc. Love her dearly and could spend hours, even days with her. But at my house? No. A day is enough (less, if I'm lucky).

Starlady Mon 10-Apr-17 13:47:43

Also, I think when our ac grow up, move out, get married, etc., some of their ways change and so do ours. So it's hard to fit our lives back in together, kwim?

Great that ds came to visit you, but I hope he doesn't stay too long, lol!

SueDonim Mon 10-Apr-17 13:51:05

I think the old saw about guests being like fish - they both start to go off after three days - is very true! grin

ninathenana Mon 10-Apr-17 14:25:24

It was lovely to have D living back at home (with SO) for the planned 7-10 days as she'd been 500 miles away up until then. When the 7-10 turned into 14 days I was getting frustrated. It was eventually 4 months !!!
I was thinking just go now, pleeease.

hildajenniJ Mon 10-Apr-17 14:52:28

When DD came back from university, she came to a different house in a different town as we'd moved when she was away. She stayed with us for about a month, which was enough for both of us. We were all pleased when she found a house to buy with her boyfriend ( now her DH).

cornergran Mon 10-Apr-17 14:57:09

We had a gap between the sale of our last home and completion on this. We spoke about the very short term furnished rentals available in the area, intended for business people away from home, for us and the many boxes of 'stuff' too important to go into store. Our younger son and his partner said, 'no, come and stay with us'. They seemed to cope, but I still wonder how it really was. We did our best to stay out of their way!

whitewave Mon 10-Apr-17 14:59:34

Lovely to see them arrive and good to see them go, even if it is tinged with a bit of sadness.

Norah Mon 10-Apr-17 15:01:35

Fish and three days, yes, three days is more than plenty.

Christinefrance Mon 10-Apr-17 15:11:21

It's true, once our grown children move out life changes for all of us. A week is generally long enough all round. We live in a very rural area so after a few walks some people find it boring.
It's good for us all to be independent though I wouldn't want to be with family all the time, and they certainly wouldn't want to be with me. grin

Anya Mon 10-Apr-17 15:17:55

I missed mine so much when they both started Uni (at the same time - a double whammy) but though it was great when they came home it was also great when they went back too!

You get used to it...gradually loosening the bond. I'd hate to have them back home permanently now, especially now they're 44 & 45 hmm

rubylady Mon 10-Apr-17 23:12:07

Well, he's come back, gave me the pizza he had left for my tea (very nice it was) and has promptly fell asleep whilst moaning that the new bed is uncomfortable ?. It's been great seeing him sleeping, lol, not much conversation. He's out tomorrow and Wednesday, I'm just a glorified hotel!

I have found online, a dog friendly cafe not too far away so, when my shingles dries up, me and my doggie will be off there, especially if DS is still here. ?

Pamaga Tue 11-Apr-17 09:39:26

I had both my two living with me again after University for a short time and it was not easy. Living with one of them seemed to be ok (first my son lived with me, later he got a flat and my daughter and I lived together) but with both seemed pretty fraught. However, I must admit to being flattered that they liked me enough to return to the fold. I did take rent from them both although I secretly saved it and then gave the lump sum of savings to them to help with their mortgages. They still live nearby and I see them and my grandson regularly which I really enjoy.

RobtheFox Tue 11-Apr-17 09:41:57

The overstaying guests had just gone at last, dancing around the kitchen singing "They've gone! They've gone!"

Then a voice said, "The front door was still open and I think we left a bag behind......"

ooops!

IngeJones Tue 11-Apr-17 09:46:42

Haha Rubylady - your son being around has given you shingles? :D

Bennan Tue 11-Apr-17 09:52:49

DS came back to live with us two years ago as his marriage headed for the rocks. He is still with us and the only problem I have is when he turns on the cold tap when I'm in the shower -I get scalded!! I have mentioned it to him quite forcefully and when it happened yesterday I was really mad! Fortunately, I discovered it was DH who turned on the tap, not him before I had a chance to explode. Could have been a disaster as he's still rather fragile emotionally. Phew!

Dharmacat Tue 11-Apr-17 09:56:42

Yes - 3-5 days is more than enough - for everyone! We are in a very rural area of France and, unless visitors arrive by car or hire at the airport, it necessitates us meeting them at the airport (1.5 or 2 hours drive each way depending which airport) .
If they are without a car we drive them around all the local places of interest during their stay. It does become rather exhausting after a few days, especially as we try to cook unusual meals - French cuisine.
However we love to entertain and most people realise our situation and hire a car during their succeeding visits - yes, they keep coming back! Long may it continue.
Similarly I find staying with friends/relatives wears thin after 3/5 days.

Yorkshiregel Tue 11-Apr-17 10:06:35

Living in Aberystwyth I expect he wanted some bright lights and the young company of his friends. These youngsters cram a lot in to their lives, they seem to be busy every minute of the day. Surely after 48 hrs he is entitled to a bit of a change? It doesn't mean he doesn't care about you, he just wants a bit of fun. I have 3 sons. They all lead active lives and cannot sit still for a minute. Watching tv is boring for them. Give him some slack and keep the peace, then he will come back again and again.

Willow500 Tue 11-Apr-17 10:07:21

Bet you're loving having him home Ruby - for a short while grin My youngest son left home at 16 then came back intermittently over a 3 year period. At one point he brought the band's new guitarist with him who stayed for 4 months - even after said son had moved out again. He was a lovely lad but eventually my husband had to tell him it was time to go. Now 20 odd years later youngest son lives in NZ and is coming home for Christmas with his wife and two small children - they are staying 6 weeks. Whilst we're overjoyed they're making the trip we're also rather dreading the constant noise and upheaval it will cause to our rather quiet dull lives. We will need a holiday when it's over shock. I'm reminded of my FIL who once went to bed when neighbours were visiting saying shut the door on your way out!! grin

Angela1961 Tue 11-Apr-17 10:10:42

I agree - but quite rightly our grown children find their own ' norm ' of being and the world would be boring if we were all the same. I live 300 miles away from my daughter and she has two very young children. We live in a 2 bed bungalow which from moving into has very much been work in progress and any visitors really can be 1 person at a time and on a camp bed to boot ! Therefore she has never visited me. Due to serious health problems this past year sadly I haven't been to hers but am due to visit ( a week ) just after Easter . I have to sleep on the sofa and find they go to bed very late so I'm stuck until then, her husband has to get up for work just after 6a.m. so I'm also up early. I love catching up but also getting home back to normality and I guess I'm the fish !

Carol54 Tue 11-Apr-17 10:11:43

We have 7 adult children and when the ones who live furthest away come for a planned 3 or 4 day visit all their siblings and nephews and nieces come too. They don't want to chat to me just each other. DH escapes to the kitchen to "wash up" and I just sit and listen. Good fun but very tireing

Yorkshiregel Tue 11-Apr-17 10:11:43

We have been on lots of holidays to France, Cyprus and Italy etc. We have taken one family with us and stayed a fortnight. No problems at all, and fun for everybody. Mainly because we didn't all go everywhere together, we went to different places and then we had something to talk about when we all got back to base. Sometimes we had a nice relaxing day round a pool for a change so a chance to recharge the batteries. Little 2yr/1yr old GS loved being in what they call 'The Holiday House'! We did things for them and things for us, and they went off with Mum and Dad together. Brilliant time had by all!

Yorkshiregel Tue 11-Apr-17 10:17:03

Just wanted to add that the other two families have had their turn too and we alternate families each year so they can do their own thing too. We love it. Cannot keep up when they want to go on bike rides, or hill climbing, but we are there ready to feed them when they come back. Don't like camping much though unless we have a caravan. Better than being lonely as I know some pensioners are so we count our blessings.

ValC Tue 11-Apr-17 10:22:32

My daughter lives in Wales and while I will stay with her if I am babysitting, I much prefer to hire a caravan if I am staying for any length of time, that way we can spend the days together then at night we all get to do our own thing, this makes me far more comfortable.

Gangan1 Tue 11-Apr-17 10:27:05

I haven't seen one son for nearly three years. I would love him to visit. The up side is I'm flying to see him next week.