Arriving unannounced

Some people require "hosting". I'ld be very annoyed if those kinda people visited either unannounced or if they just informed via text on the way rather than asked

For other people I have a (not literal) open door policy and love when they pop in unexpectedly

For me it really depends on whether the visitor is hard work or not, or if I can just get on with making the packed lunches while we chat.

I suspect that how close your family live now and have lived in the past makes a difference. I think when family members live, or have lived close together they are accustomed to calling in casually, but if you have no experience of living near your family, and I have never lived near other family memebers, not even in childhood, family visits have always been pre-arranged.

For us, this is a generation thing. When I was a lass, we were always calling in uninvited to both sets of grandparents, and vice versa. BUt with my grown up kids and grandchildren, it's just not done, without making prior arrangements. Fine. We all reach our own way of doing things.

That is the second time you have done that Megs 36 and nobody IS criticising
So stop trying to stir things up.

I do believe its people preferences about visits I usually drop a quick text to ask if they are in just as I would really expect. That from them .even though I do enjoy an unexpected visit .

Paddy ann - what a wonderful attitude and a wonderful open heart you have. People like you are so few and far between and need to be cherished by all who know you - you could teach the rest of us a good few lessons! Don't ever change ....

grannylyn haha at least you got a sandwich.

Read back some posts; as I say everyone is entitled to an opinion without criticism.

Oh Yogagirl, I'm so sorry - I wish it could happen again for you. Never say never ...

Oh dear Jimmy If you have GC, you need to tread very carefully with your D.i.l

Hubby and I have to text before arriving at our sons. His wife sometimes works at home and we don't want to disturb her. Hubby doesn't get "working at home" and wants to interrupt her.

DIL doesn't like me and prefers to not see me if she can help it. (That's another story). So we always try to call when she is at work.

NannaM I returned home from work once, only to find my now estranged daughter in doors with the little ones in the bath! What a fantastic surprise that was, I laughed so much it was heaven! I wish every day for that same scenario to happen now

Polly so sorry to hear this has lead to estrangement with your DD , get in there and get it sorted a.s.a.p; 'nip it in the bud', otherwise you may end up like me 4.5yrs estranged from my DD&DGC

NannaM so sorry for your estrangement too

Paddyann, would you like to adopt a 62 year old?! Sounds lovely! The problem arises when one half of a married couple is one thing and the other half is the other. I've always been a texter/phoner in advance but mostly just to make sure they were in. I've only ever been made to feel unwelcome in my DD and soon-to-be-ex SIL's house by said SIL. Even after arranging to come, even when coming to look after DGD when he needed me. His parents were to be welcomed at any time they chose to drop in and with as many other family members as they wanted to bring. His mother ruled the roost, made the rules and that was that. As I say he's soon to be ex ...

Recently I turned up as invited, they seemed to be surprised to see me, and no dinner cooking, after a bit of awkward chat my granddaughter whispered ' I think they forgot you were coming Granny'
Many laughs all round and I got a cheese sandwich!!
Passed into annals of family history.
DIL was so embarrassed as she has a well deserved rep for efficiency!!!

How lovely Silver
OMG! Lupatria really made me laugh mind
Great saying Lupin about the ton of salmon

My NiceD & I both have keys to each others homes, my D knows she could just pop in to get something if I wasn't in, or sit and have a cuppa to wait for me to get home, no problem.

I have three children all grown up with thier own families I would never just drop in always text or call first I know they all live busy lives with partners, Children work commitments etc so it may not always be convenient to stop just for me, although mostly the reply will be come over. All three of my children have keys to my house and I have always told them this is still their home and I do not have a problem with them coming over even when I'm not there.

We always make prior arrangements. I hate anyone dropping in unannounced to me, so try never to do it to others.
Even close family. But I appreciate we are all different.
What suits some don't suit others.

We often drop in unannounced at our DS & DDiL's house, as they do with us.
Everyone knows that if it's not convenient, we'll just say so, and the visitors will leave immediately. We would never dream of walking in using our keys, unless it had been particularly requested that we do.
However, as they live less than 300 yards from us, (or 60 yards as the crow flies) it's not a problem.
As we look after our DGS three days a week, we often buy ’big toys' which live at either house, so we all have keys to both houses, to enable us to pop in and get stuff whenever we want.
We would never go 'nosing about' in their house, and we know they'd never do so in ours either.
We're lucky in that we have a very, very close relationship with our DS, and DDiL is very 'family minded' too, but lives an hours drive from her parents, so is very much 'ours'!
I really feel for people who are estranged from their children, I don't know how I'd cope, probably wouldn't!

Dear Polly - despite my original post I think it's a huge pity for your DD to have upset you. You sound like the best kind of Mum and I hope you can sort it out amicably. Sending you a warm hug!

I think you need to arrange a time to sit down with your daughter and sort it out. We would never dream of going round to any of ours unannounced. It isn't fair on them.

I think you need to listen to what your daughter has to say and discuss it, not argue. It's her home and privacy. Life is too short to stay estranged

My sons always ring when they are 5 mins away, to tell me to get the kettle on and they arrive just as it boils. I love it!

I don't have a key for DD's house although she has one for mine, for emergencies. We always arrange visits as we live 20 mins away from each other, I'm often out & so is DD, DGS is 7 & has usual commitments. Even if I had a key I would not just walk in, when they come to mine they always knock & call out before coming in, my door is always unlocked

DD1 lives in NYC. No chance of her "dropping in". Wish it was different! When she lived here, she could and did come to mine any time, I'm her mom! Sad thing is, DD2 is estranged, I would love her to drop in.
I would never visit either of them without calling or texting first, though.

Once came home from holiday to find house looking untidy. Agreed it was either burglars or DD2 staying. Luckily it was the latter, and we didn't mind a bit. She had decamped to ours, leaving her DH to cope with replacement windows. We all have keys to each others houses - very useful, both DD's have locked themselves out. Don't tend to call in unannounced, but it wouldn't be frowned upon by any of us. Everyone has their own code of behaviour.