Feeling used by son and his partner who live with us

Agree with others, but know it isn't easy, try to sort it out because it is not going to get better.

I m with everyone else on this but I do appreciate how hard it is to turn your own child out it's so easy on paper but when love and nurturing comes into it not as easy as it sounds but I think you and your husband should stand on this together

You have answered your own question actually as you say when you asked when they were moving they said when you ask us so there's your answer I think they need a date or else they will just plod on

Have your holiday then have a united front ( you and husband together) give them a date to be off and stick to it put the house up for sale and enjoy your retirement x

I think you need to speak to them after your holiday and set out a firm date by which they must have sorted out alternative accommodation. Point out that it was only meant to be a temporary arrangement and now you wish to sell the property.

It is time for them to fend for themselves - if they can afford holidays in Portugal and Indonesia they can afford to pay a proper rent. It also isn't fair that your other son struggles on without asking for help while two people who appear to be financially able are expecting you to subsidise their living expenses.

Simply tell them ( sweetly) that much as you love them you will be putting the house up for sale, so would they please look for somewhere to rent.
You have done your parenting, time for them to grow up and move out.

Give them their marching orders and get advice from the Citizen's Advice Bureau (CAB) about what you should do if they don't go.

Better still, do what Phoenix suggests.

eddiecat78 The holiday was booked a good while ago before things got like this. The room they use needs a lot of decorating and would reduce the price if not done. We need to get someone in to do it.

Ive just told Lucy we will be taking about it when we've had the holiday. She seems more receptive. I think once the holiday is over hubby will have to say something as well.

If a sensible conversation isn't possible, then wait until they go on holiday to Portugal, find a local storage company, put all their stuff there and change the locks!

Sorry to sound unsympathetic but why on earth are you going on holiday with them when they are already driving you mad? And why on earth did you miss out on a house you really wanted just because they are living with you at the moment. Put your house on the market, start looking for a place for just the 2 of you and tell them you plan to move as soon as possible and they have to find a place of their own.
Would a bit more of the silent treatment be any worse than what you are experiencing on a daily basis?

Time for a for sale notice to be in the garden when she comes home from work! Seriously do they pay for their keep in a realistic way? I doesn't sound like it if they can afford to pay for several expensive holidays. Maybe have a real discussion about money and explain you want to downsize whilst you're still well enou.gh to benefit from it. I don't know how old she is but at your sons age I'd been completely, independent financially for 8 years. Time to think of yourselves

You know you're going to have to lay it on the line, and it may not go down well.
Maybe set a definite date for them to move out by? Even if its a long way in advance, it'll give you something to look forward to!