Do not want to move

I moved halfway between family and friends at one time and it didn't work for me. Both places seemed too far away. They were quite distant - the north-east and south Wales - and I just felt out of place in the middle, betwixt and between. I think it's better to settle on one and be prepared to travel to visit the other.

I am reluctant to suggest any half way house because you get all the upheaval and none of the solution. It would be a wrench to leave all your friends.....not sure how it would work renting either, one of you has to make huge sacrifices. If you husband refuses to try renting to see how it works for you then you are at an impasse.

Presumably you have friends in Spain maybe you could spend more time there, but as you get old you face the risk of being stranded up north if your husband dies before you with no one you have known for years around to support you.

This is a tough one. I wish you good luck.

I can't recommending renting enough. We sold our house and rented near to two of our children and their families, just over an hours drive away from our original home but for many reasons it wasn't for us so we relocated back to a nicer part our own area. When we go to visit the family I feel nothing but relief that we didn't make a permanent move to be near them and so glad we had the chance to try before we committed to buying.

Don't move to Newcastle if you hate the cold , it's nearly always cold. I was born here but hate the weather here. I would move if I didn't have family here, though I do have a daughter in the South who wouldn't move back here. Surely out has to be a joint decision unless you perhaps want out of the relationship. Hope you can resolve things. X

It should definately be a joint decision, we moved three years ago, I didnt want to as it is too isolated for me, but I had no choice, I hated it in the beginning, mainly because I had no choice, but I have to admit, I am beginning to get used to things and fortunately I adapt easily, so Flamenco, give it a go,and the North really isnt a bad place to live.

If you are really unhappy about moving north and leaving your friends behind and your partner is adamant, could you stay, let your partner live in the north for half the year and live together in Spain for the other half?

I'm a southerner and moved north from London with my husband to his hometown in North Yorkshire...11 years ago. I have been fine, but I do still miss my friends and the numerous activities in London. Sometimes I get frustrated because I can't get something as simple as an avocado where I live, unless I drive 14 miles to get it! Its 21 miles to an M&S, hence I visit London frequently so I have the best of both worlds. I could never make a clean break from my home.

Half way is neither one nor the other. Neither of you are where you want to be half way.

As you get older making friends is not so easy as you will find if you read any of the threads on loneliness.

Making friends when abroad is sometimes easier because there are other expats in the same position looking to make friends.

If you jointly own your home, then just refuse to sign the sale. Obviously your husband is use to "What he says goes" so it will surprise him when you make a stand.

Another option, spend more time in Spain but with the £ beiing so weak that might be difficult plus more than 6 months you might have to be resident.

Flamenco Are you earth?
You sound like me with a dislike even fear? of being uprooted.This has become more noticeable since I retired.Old age!
I did have a job which involved travel but then this was usually a few days at a time. I was always eager to get 'home'
I enjoy holidays but am never sorry to get back to my 'roots' and the familiar.
I can understand your apprehension of that which will be unfamiliar. This is an issue you and husband need to
seriously consider.

In January, Flamenco had been with partner for eight years, now, in June, been with partner for ten years

I*m sorry, but WHERE does your DH want to move to? For me the far North is Thurso or perhaps Oban, or Aberdeen.

And why is your hubby adamant that you are moving? He must realize you dislike the idea.

Are you willing to risk divorce over this?

I wasn't when my DH dropped a bombshell two years ago, and now I am very glad I gave his "mad" idea of selling up, buying a motor boat, sailing canals and rivers in Europe for a couple of years and ending up in the opposite end of the country to where we set out from, living in a house and with the boat in the nearest habour for holiday use.

So I really hope you will give the move a try. The thought of Spain worries me too; is Brexit going to make it impossible for you to go on living there part of the year? - I understand why you want to live there, I would too, but can't as we would have to pay income tax both in Spain and here in Denmark, as the Danish government woke up to the fact a few years ago that they were losing too much revenue if OAPs lived in Spain and were only taxed there.

Has your DH tried to make the idea attractive to you?
Ask him about renting as a way of getting you used to the idea. Or do you really not want to get used to it?

Neither of you should be being 'adamant' about this.

Flamenco...I don,t know what the answer is but you have all my sympathy. I was born and brought up in the north of England , lived for several years in the Midlands before moving to the south coast. I so love it down here as the climate is so much better and for more than 20 years this has become home. However we now need to move to a different type of property to suit our needs. Cost is playing a big factor for us ...but the fact that we may have to think of moving out of an area that we love is depressing. Our families are as far north as Scotland and far south as Devon so all saying come and live near to us is not an option. I understand your dilemma, and as someone else suggested perhaps renting is the way for you. If your home in Spain is a permanent one can you think about having say 9 months there and just renting for around 3 months here....that would not sound so daunting. Good luck with this ,hope it works out well for you in the end.

When you say 'far north' where do you mean? We in Northumberland (England's most northern county) sweltered along with the rest of the country last week. My water butt has twice run dry. We are not heathen barbarians, you know! We're quite civilised. We have shopping malls, universities, public transport, ancient monuments, castles, beautiful beaches, the list goes on. ? The west of Scotland has the gulf stream, which brings pleasant weather. The roads in Scotland are better than in England and the scenery is stunning. Just watch out for the wild haggis!

We also have airports! My flight from Newcastle to Bristol, to visit my daughter, is just 50 minutes in the air...

In January, Flamenco had been with partner for eight years, now, in June, been with partner for ten years
Juggernaut have you not noticed how time flies as you get older?

It all depends what relatives he has up North. He has lived in the South all these years for you to be near a brother and your friends, but if he has children or parents in Newcastle then he has been making a big sacrifice on your behalf. Is it your turn to reciprocate? The other option is to go your own way and downsize..

I come from the South but visit a son in Newcastle, it is a great place for the arts, a lovely quayside, lots of interesting places on the coast nearby. Northumberland is a lovely county (in the summer). In the winter you can go to Spain or Australia.

I think you will like yourself more once you give in with a good grace - but having done so, make the best of it, don't forever complain about.

You have to do what's best for you.

I left the Isle of Man 33 years ago because my husband wanted to work in the West Country. I have regretted it every single day since. Mainly because he did not ASK me if I wanted to move - and I did not.

I cannot afford to go back to the place I love but it does not stop me looking at cottages there on a daily basis.

Our marriage is long over, and I am sure taking me away from the place I loved and the people and lifestyle I loved was the main cause.

Be careful and do what you want because his attitude could also indicate other underlying problems with him. Good Luck.

Shouldn't he be taking your feelings into account as well. I would definately dig my heels in because the resentment will eat you up inside.

Add comment | Report | Private message flamenco Fri 06-Jan-17 10:43:35
Am I being unreasonable? My partner of eight years has decided we should move to his home town Newcastle. When I first met him I said that I couldn't live up there, he agreed it was very cold and he didn't want to go there either, until now! I have said I don't want to go. My daughters live in Australia my son outside Manchester. My brother cousin old friends all live in the South, I know nobody up there, and I really don't like it and can find no positives. We have a tiny place in Spain and live there for some weeks of the year. We are no longer young and the thought of moving so far north scares me quite a lot

Has this not been resolved? I should have thought that to live a shorter distance from your DS in Manchester (and grandchildren?) would have been a factor. And if you spend six months of the year in Spain anyway that is even further away from your friends in the South.
I wondered what you mean by far north though in your first post, Wick, Thurso?
For some people Yorkshire might seem "far north", but when I lived in the south of Scotland, "doon Sooth" could be anywhere south of and including Newcastle.
It's hardly polar bear country!

When we were first married and thinking of moving I told my husband I would never move further north than East Anglia, I too am very much a Southerner and would not be happy living in the north. At the present we live in a village in Cambridgeshire but we are soon moving to Kent.I love Canterbury, so I am happy with that decision.
I have family in Spain and we go there quite often too. I think your husband is being very unfair.

We have also thought of moving but if we do we will rent out our house for year and then rent in the area we are thinking of going to. Suggest you do the same

Recently joined. I moved to Yorkshire for 20 years. Rented out the London house to test the waters, then sold it.BUT needed to come back - (I live alone now). HUGE downsize! Wish I'd rented out the London house and rented in the north too. I miss Yorkshire and Northumberland, they are so beautiful - and it looks as if you can avoid the winters by going to Spain. Make new friends by joining U3A - most of my original London friends have now sadly died but I have a good social network. I can understand the doubts, but give it a trial run

The title of the thread you have chosen is Do not want to move ....... then you have answered your own question If not wanting to move is stronger than your ten (or eight) year love then DONT move, if your love of your man is stronger than your personal feelings of community, friends, family and comfort zone then move

Only you can decide, no one else can help you with this, it is your decision alone and only you know which will win ....if you had this dilemma six months ago and it's still not resolved your husband is being very patient perhaps you can hang on another six months and he ll forget it altogether or go without you

Flamenco I had this situation after i married my second husband, we had a lovely bungalow, and he wanted to move into a village, not too far away,but the house was horrible, it had no bathroom, and a downstairs toilet, but a large garden where he wanted to build a pigeon loft, and keep pigeons
When he took me to see it i cried, hated it and told him so,
I knew i couldnt be happy there, and the decorations were awful. he didnt care,he spent most of the time with his pigeons, but the main thng was there were very few buses, and i had 6 month old twins,in a double buggy, so had to walk miles to the next small town, i didnt drive,i was like a prisoner, i stuck it for 3 years and left,
I had no friends there and wasnt allowed to see anyone
He was a controlling man, sounds like your husband, he should take your feelings into consideration,or you will end up resenting him,