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Should I say anything to my friend?

(62 Posts)
minimo Fri 14-Jul-17 08:42:38

We are very fortunate in having a lot of lovely local friends and last weekend we hosted a bbq with a few people for my DH's birthday. Because I think it's best to keep anonymity I'm going to change their names but my good friend 'Sue' and her husband 'Mike' were there - we see them a lot. Another couple were also there (let's call them Simon and Caroline). Near the end of the evening Caroline and Mike were sitting very close together chatting and for a few moments I saw her hand on his leg. There had been a fair bit of alcohol consumed but I don't drink so was I think more aware than most and there was some definite flirting going on.

I don't think Sue noticed - she certainly didn't say anything but now I don't know what to do. It was at my party so I feel partly not responsible but I don't know....I feel guilty because it happened on my turf. But also, there's nothing to suggest anything went any further but of course we do all see each other quite a lot and I know what I saw. If they have the opportunity when other people aren't around...

Do I warn Sue? She and Caroline aren't particularly close. I don't want to get involved of course but equally I really don't want to see my friend hurt. I think I'd want a friend to let me know if she saw something similar? Would you? Been stewing all week sad

sarahellenwhitney Fri 14-Jul-17 13:33:46

Say nothing and you know nothing. Do you?
Were you not too busy making sure all glasses were filled and every one enjoying themselves?

Maidmarion Fri 14-Jul-17 13:31:34

I hardly think that if they ARE having an affair they would be broadcasting it at your party! As others have said let it go...!

Teddy123 Fri 14-Jul-17 13:25:15

There's always the possibility you may be right. However, right or wrong, none of your business.
Anyway, what's wrong with a bit of flirting. Flirting doesn't constitute a full blown affair ......
Don't give it another thought ...

JanaNana Fri 14-Jul-17 12:19:45

Think the alcohol has gone to her head ....maybe loosened her inibitions a bit. Don"t invite the same couples at the same time to any other gatherings you have. Don"t mention it to any of them either. It could cause trouble or embarrassment all round.

Craftycat Fri 14-Jul-17 12:19:42

I don't think there is anything wrong with a bit off flirting at parties as long as everyone goes home with their own spouse.
If I felt my husband was going a bit far I'd just go & sit next to him. Maybe his wife gave him hell when they got home.
Keep well out of it.

Desdemona Fri 14-Jul-17 12:01:29

I totally agree with everyone else that it would be a mistake to say anything, the "flirting" was almost certainly just drink fuelled - and it is absolutely not your fault that this took place at your party - they are adults aren't they? (Albeit intoxicated ones!)

adaunas Fri 14-Jul-17 11:57:27

Stay out of it. If he's prone to do that when he's had a few his wife will already know and won't be happy that someone else has noticed it. You might find yourself being asked why you were watching her husband.

Mapleleaf Fri 14-Jul-17 11:52:50

Best to keep quiet at this stage. It's probably nothing at all.

glammanana Fri 14-Jul-17 11:41:11

Just remember that once you open up a can of worms they cannot be put back in again,as stated it would be very strange if the wife was not aware of her hubby's close conversation with the said lady of interest we wives do tend to know everything that is going on at parties.

Tessa101 Fri 14-Jul-17 11:35:26

Don't blow it up out of perportion, nothing wrong with being tactile. It will cause friction between you all, trust me been there and my friend never spoke to me again.

pinkjj27 Fri 14-Jul-17 11:27:04

I am not sure I agree flirting is harmless but from my own experience I would probably not get involved at this stage. I once found out my best friend’s husband was having an affair with a much younger friend of a friend. I told my friend and my life was ripped apart. I not only lost her but all our so-called friends turned on me and I mean turned on me. I was called names, I was labelled as a trouble maker, I was accused of being jealous and making things up. Their kids were not allowed to play with mine. The husband went for me. It was even suggested I had made it up so I could steal her husband. I had only told my friend but she told every one even post stuff on social media. I nearly had a break down over it.
It turned out that my friend had known about it but had turned a blind eye. He left her for the other women when she became pregnant a while later.
My friend wrote to me and said “you should have let me deal with it in my own time if I had of confided in you that would have been the time to tell me.” I never wanted to hurt anyone but that’s the way it was perceived. At the time I just thought if it were me I would want to know. I thought I was supporting my friend.
My friend contacted me last year asking if we could put it behind us and that she had forgiven me !! I had been so badly hurt and lost the whole network that I have just walked away now. So, my advice is say nothing if you need advice or to confide in anyone share it with your husband I wish I had confided in mine.

W11girl Fri 14-Jul-17 11:22:57

I agree with others, stay out of it. You won't be thanked for it. It may have been a completely innocent drink fuelled flirt.

Eskay10 Fri 14-Jul-17 10:14:20

If you noticed it, I'm sure his wife did too. There's not much goes on at a party that a spouse is not aware of.

Jalima1108 Fri 14-Jul-17 10:10:36

Anya lol!

Am I too old to flirt? Probably, unless there are any septuagenarians out there who are up to a bit of repartee innocent knee-touching. hmm

Yes, keep out of it, as tanith says 'they shoot the messenger don't they?'.

grandMattie Fri 14-Jul-17 10:05:36

Personally, I would keep well out. Not worth losing either friend due to alcoholic flirt.
If things develop, I might feel differently, but say "I wondered if something like that was happening"!
No, least said, better done.

harrysgran Fri 14-Jul-17 09:55:43

Keep out of it you will probably be the one who ends up in the bad books I would keep my thoughts to myself

ethelwulf Fri 14-Jul-17 09:52:31

Don't even know why you're raising this one. You're making all sorts of assumptions, and even if there was some mild, alcohol-induced flirting, it's actually none of your business. Keep well out of it..

Everthankful Fri 14-Jul-17 09:51:50

Oops, replied to,the wrong thread, ? sorry

Lynnebo Fri 14-Jul-17 09:50:54

I remember once a guy I was chatting to in the office getting up and leaving suddenly and someone pointed out I had my hand on his knee! I hadn't realised he would take it any other way than me being me - not flirting at all! I was horrified but never found myself able to explain it to him without making it into a thing ....
It could have been perfectly innocent. Please don't stir x

Everthankful Fri 14-Jul-17 09:50:39

What a cheek! Best to nip this in the bud now. I often buy school items and uniform clothes for granddaughter but it is by no means taken for granted and gratefully accepted when I do. Also, are these kind of shoes allowed as part of the uniform?

Lewlew Fri 14-Jul-17 09:47:30

I hate when this happens... I was hit on by the host of his wife's landmark birthday of all times! So while I think it's stupid drink driven juvenile behaviour... they are not worth the aggro. If there's something going on for real, it will show itself. Hopefully not at yours next time! Not your fault or your responsibility.

annsixty Fri 14-Jul-17 09:47:10

I had a friend who flirted a lot with me and I flirted back. It became a joke so much that at the wedding reception for his son he introduced me to the bride's mother as "my other wife". No harm in it at all.I was close to him until he died.
If there is anything wrong with your friends it is nothing to do with you.

Pamaga Fri 14-Jul-17 09:41:53

Stay out of it. It is none of your business.

Nanabilly Fri 14-Jul-17 09:41:46

Keep out of it but take note in the future if you have to . They may have been having a heart to heart ,talking about some thing dad that was happening in their lives of some sorry they have ,they may have just been talking something they saw on the tv which moved them , so many different scenarios it could have been.
You would probably end up with 4 fewer friends if you said anything.

kittylester Fri 14-Jul-17 09:40:02

Hand on leg shock Ignore it!