ex daughter in law is remarrying -why do I feel excluded?

It is hard that the relationship between your ds and dil did not work out and will enter a new phase when she marries again.

But I'm not really sure where the problem lies. In what way do you feel left out in regard to the dgcs? You say you get on well with her so hopefully that relationship exdil and dgcs will continue even if it changes. Or did you want to be at the wedding? Or are you struggling now the divorce is obviously final?

I have to admit to sneaking along to the church to see my grandaughter as Bridesmaid at her dads second wedding and my lovely grandson as bestman.We too stayed friends with him after the marriage failed ,it was the most amicable divorce in history...after the initial shock and hurt at his cheating on my daughter.They get on well as friends and she even gave him a job so he was around for their children after school .I didn't think he would mind me being there but I wasn't sure how his new wife would react .Mind you my OH ..his ex FIL took their wedding photographs too.The children did look beautiful...and so grown up so I was glad I saw them ,but glad I didn't let the bride see me too as I felt it mmight have made her feel uncomfortable

It must feel odd, MrsTomo, for your gc to be in/at a major event where you're not included. Now that ds and dil are divorced, you'll need time to adjust to the fact that not every large occasion in their lives will have to do with you. (((Hugs)))

? to all of you, it must be hard, it's something you never think of happening.. Hopefully you will still play a part in their lives, that there will be a happy ever after.

I am not sure why you would necessarily expect to BE included.
It is great that you get on well with her and the contact with your DGC remains good, but this is HER day and her new husband's.
By all means wish them well but you do not belong there so go out and have a nice day doing something else.

I am included in almost all family occasions involving my ex DiL and her partner and their 2 children. They came the day after my recent birthday with presents, cards and flowers.
Partners parents sent me a present.
However if they married, that would be a step too far, I would be reminded too much of what could/should have been, which is a united family.

Recently DGD asked mum if daddy would be coming to the wedding planned with new partner.
She seemed slightly surprised but not disappointed when mum said he wouldn't. New partner is adored by the children whereas father is a thoroughly unpleasant 'cold fish'.
Mum simply explained that only friends are invited to weddings and since mummy and daddy are no longer friends then daddy isn't being invited.
Shrugged her shoulders and skipped away - seemed to be 'no big deal'.
DD (who's adopted) and family recently attended the wedding of her 'birth brother' and although I've met and like the young man, the idea of attending the event didn't cross my mind despite the full participation of my family.
Just not always appropriate.

Thank you for your comments. I know I should not have expected to have been invited and I truly wish her well. Will just keep busy today!

I think it's lovely you get on well and I'm sure you'll enjoy seeing some photos and asking the dgc about the day.

Good on you, Tomo!

Yes, it's funny how these odd feelings suddenly hit us! I think it's the jumble of emotions around this occasion. Wise of you to keep busy, then let gcs know how pleased you are to hear about their day.

Think of your DS. Would he give you his blessing to attend the wedding of his x wife?

It is just one day, and it is the couples day so let them be as uncomplicated as duits them. There really is no reason for you to be there, you will see lots of photos and hear all about it from the children, its not an exclusion, for the people involved its a fresh start.

A friend of mine had to stand aside while her former SIL chose one of his two children to be bridesmaid as the other one wasn't 'pretty enough' for the new wife's tastes, now that was an exclusion!!!

Weddings can be pricey now, there will be other friends of theirs not on the list, take yourself off out for the day and be happy for them all.

I adored my ex DIL we were best friends we were loving grandparents to her two children from a previous relationship, our son behaved badly so we 100% supported her, when he remarried her oldest daughter aged 24 started to distance herself from us as she couldn't understand how we could have contact with his new wife , but we saw her mother all the time, she met a new man we were so happy for her, but it soon became obvious he didn't want us around and I understood this so we stopped visiting the house to see our youngest DGD who at now 17 we have a wonderful relationship with.....as our exDIL prepared for their wedding, I noticed we didn't have as much contact, her son who we had always been Nanny and Grandad to was in the Caribbean serving with the Royal Navy, he would call us from abroad he was a wonderful grandson but when he came home he cut us dead along with our exDIL ,she won't even speak to me about our DG ,that was a year ago , in my 64 yrs I have never been so hurt by anybody I was devastated, it has left me bitter and I trust nobody, my advice to you is to back away, stay friendly for your DGC unfortunately your exDIL has a new life , don't let them hurt you the way I have been hurt

My DSLs daughter was bridesmaid when he married my DD. His ex and her husband were guests at the wedding

What a world where so many marriages break up only to move on to partners number two or three without a blink.
One thing is for sure by the end of the 21C, silver and gold let alone a diamond wedding celebration will be
a thing of the past and these congratulation cards superfluous to requirement.

radicalnan the groom should have said either you have both my daughters as bridesmaids or neither. Appalling. Doesn't bode well for future relationship with the two girls and could cause friction between the sisters. Says a lot about what sort of person the bride is. Nasty piece of work.

Difficult situation. My friend's DD split from her husband and both now have new partners. Ex SIL now has another child who is of course the half sibling to his first family. My friend looks after this child with the others on a regular basis as mum has gone back to work. It all seems a little complicated to me but seems to work!

sarahellenwhitney I so agree with you, it's so common for children to not be living with both parents these days, it's to easy to walk away, I resented my son badly for leaving his wife..... although it's worked out for them all, the only ones that seem to be struggling is us and my DGD who has both parents remarried and hating each other, tragic

Yes well done MrsTomo...i an still friends with my daughter's ex but i would never expect to b invited to his wedding.

MrsTomo I can understand you feeling hurt. It's possible your ex-daughter in law would have liked to have invited you but thought it might be seen as a bit odd by her husband-to-be, and a bit awkward for you.

I'd send a nice card wishing her all the best, so she knows. U being op n minded and not taking sides. I'd also say you ll always love your grandchildren and it would be nice for hem and for u if you could still keep in tech. Say ur be happy to meet up somewhere for lunch or t , and that u wouldn't interfere or
R take sides, that it's just for the grandchildren. Say I'd be happy that there will be three sets grandparents, and wait for a reply. Good luck

Like mags idea, but think I might separate the two - just send her good wishes now and then, in about a month or so, a note or email about hoping to keep in touch with the grands. Otherwise, it might look as if you just sent the "nice card" so you could get in the point about the gc.

Maybe you don't have to be so careful since you get along well, anyhow. But I would separate the 2 thoughts, anyhow.