Unwanted on Voyage.

I do not have a constant open house!
I said Mine was a open house... as in past tense and that is how it was even though I had a full time job until I had to retire.
I also do not/have not visited family or friends without contacting them first.

First of all can I say how lucky you are that your daughters want to spend time together! Mine don't but I have 3sisters and we are all close so I feel they are missing out on so much.
My youngest DD drops in here anytime but I would never drop in on her. She and husband often eat here, I think we have had 2 meals in their house in 7 years. It is easier here but even so!
I want to say that at some point your DDs will grow up and understand how to be kinder to you. Mine is 41 and I am waiting for it to happen. In the meantime learn by your ''' mistake''', then forget it. They love you really.?

honestly ,I think you're taking this in a way it probably wasn't meant.I often spent time with my sister to discuss my mum ,if she had turned up in the middle of it we'd have been annoyed too.or there were times when we had health issues we didn't want mum to know about and would prefer to talk about them together .Just accept thats how it is and move on.If your husband wanted to see the GS would it not have been better to ask him to your home ? You were having visitors anyway so one extra doesn't make much difference .

Oh, isn't hindsight wonderful, melanie? I often think if I could live my life backwards there are some moments that would be different. I am sure it all felt very difficult but maybe it wasn't really a significant family gathering? Don't give yourself such a hard time.

It was a muddle and is best left alone now. It seems you believed your husband had checked it was ok to visit the adventurer, maybe it was with him but it seems it was a surprise to his Mum. We all can react 'oddly' when surprised. In our case one daughter in law is happy for anyone to drop in no matter who else is there, the other likes to be asked first, especially if 'her' family is there.

I suspect the more you think about this the bigger it will get. Put it behind you and don't dwell on it. You were able to say goodbye to the adventurer, time for you to let this go now. Why not invite them all to your home for a short visit and re-establish a relaxed atmosphere but don't mention your upset. Sometimes least said soonest mended.

We're all different and have different relationships with our children. Our DD lives about a 15 minute drive away from us but if we want to go over, we always text or ring first to make sure it's OK. They have busy lives. They do however come here unannounced, which is fine too.

Sympathy Melanie you wouldn't think that Mum and Dad had to make an appointment would you?

May I suggest that you may not have all the facts. Maybe one of the sisters has a problem she wishes to discuss with the other?

What is going on may not be about you but something else entirely. Children never tell their parents everything.

Try not to dwell on it. x

Love this site - so reassuring that many of us feel the same about family situations. I feel strange when my children meet up and only tell me afterwards but then feel glad they all get on so well

Storm in a tea cup, please don't over think it and upset yourself. My dad was a 'turner up' and sometimes it was inconvenient.........I would give the world if he was still here and could turn up today.but there were times he stressed me out with his visits.

Doesn't mean they don't love you just the same .......just wasn't the right moment for them.

Hi Melanie. I'm sorry you are hurting but if you don't want the responses you've got here don't post. There are not many who don't think you got it wrong. It really does seem all about you and your feelings. You are NOT then only person involved in all this. What did your husband say when you told him you were upset? You are very lucky to have such a loving extended family. You are lucky to be included at all. Enjoy them and shut up or risk alienating everyone with your unreasonable gripe. Harsh? Yes. Your husband should have told you. Doesn't mean anyone loves you less. X

Melanie - first of all this was NOT a family gathering of significance to which you should have been invited. Your daughter chose to spend quality time with each of the important people in her life - you (mum), then one sister, and then another sister. This is absolutely clear that she had planned some special time with each one - essentially you gatecrashed her arrangements. My daughter lives just 6 mins walk away from me and we see each other at least every other day - we are very close emotionally. However, I wouldn't dream of dropping round without first establishing that it was convenient - I respect the fact that she has a life of her own and often has friends and the mothers of my grandchildrens' friends who may be playing there. Their conversation is precisely that - theirs, and it's obvious that this is what your two daughters wanted - their own private conversation. I think you are being overly sensitive - you were first on your daughter's list so be grateful and more understanding.

It seems these days that "open house" is"nt the norm like it used to be years ago when many people were glad to have an unexpected visitor and a welcome cup of tea. Everything has to be arranged in advance...a sign of the times now. Don"t take it heart Melanie be glad your daughter's get on well with each other and be happy for them.

One of the joys of my life is that my grown up kids get on well together. As long as I get my regular chances to see my grandchildren I am delighted if the middle generation have visits without me there. I think back to when I was their ages and how nice it was to have get togethers without mother trying to make sense of our conversations and getting peeved if every last thing wasn't explained to her.

Nellie, your bit about your mum needing everything explained to her made me laugh. I fear I have turned into someone similar! My two children have a mutual hobby and I know they have to make great efforts not to talk endlessly about it when I am there. It's like a foreign language when they get going!

Eglantine I have to stop myself asking questions. They are all lovely and don't make me feel bad but their conversation flows and I don't like to keep interrupting to ask what is this or that, especially since my hearing isn't brilliant. Unlike my mother I don't feel the need to be the centre of everyone's attention at least. Incidentally even my grandchildren are more excited to see their cousins than to see their grandma and that seems normal to me too.

Misunderstandings and miscommunication all around, Melanie, that's all. Might have been avoided with a phone call to eldest daughter though.

As you say, now you know.

We always text before going to DD's (2 minutes drive) but she pops in anytime. And that's fine. Every family is different. I don't think any hurt was meant OP, maybe one of your daughters has a problem she didn't want to worry you with. Please put it behind you and have lovely times with them again, collectively or individually. And be grateful they're so close, you had a hand in that!

Try and turn it round and think what a lovely thing it is they all get on together, so many don't. Do they talk about mum and dad between themselves, I am sure they do - we did. It seems she actually worked out the day pretty well because she didn't want to upset anybody and made sure she saw you all, o'h dear. Honestly don't take it to heart,

I love both my DD's and their families, (1 lives 20 mins away & the other 2 hours). I want to be with them all the time I can, but they don't want to be with me all the time, I think that's perfectly normal (started when they were teenagers). We often all get together at DH & my home, but they both & their families also meet without me and DH. I'm happy they are so friendly and have each other. Recommend always ringing before popping round. This is how life is- we just have to get over it.

Do not worry about it. It will blow over. I don't just drop in on my sons I always ring them first.
However, time heals and things will be back to normal for you.

I have always had open house for friends and family and most of my friends are the same. Visitors have to accept me as they find me but many is the time I have "stretched a meal" to include extra people. I love having people round . In OP situation I would have wanted to say goodbye to my grandson too but maybe would not have stayed long. I often pop in on DD, if passing , but if she has visitors I only stay a few minutes.

To be honest Melanie as soon as I felt an 'atmosphere' I'd have said "Oh well we just popped in to say goodbye to ---- we'll be off now" and left it at that. I would not have wanted to find out what had been the problem. As has already been said "Least said soonest mended" ( btw my darling mum's favourite saying).

Youngest daughter obviously wanted a confidential chat. Who knows what about. I know you are mum but they are young women with who knows what problems. I have 3 daughters and I'm not included in everything. I know what you mean about being upset though. You obviously valued being with them all. I wouldn't 'dig' anything out to be honest. How about just asking the younger if 'sorry if i seem prying but are you OK as felt she wanted quiet chat with Mary'. Could be finanacial, marital and don't want you worrying.

PS It is possible to report any responses anyone finds offensive. I have reported some extremely bitter, intolerant and highly judgemental comments. No one can possibly make judgements without full story. Thin just being a listening ear and giving reassurance is enough.