Unwanted on Voyage.

Hi Melanie, firstly I understand exactly how you feel. I find this 'by invitation only' kind of relationships very difficult as when my children were young, we were always pleased to get a visitor, anytime of day or evening. Obviously, as someone has said, we didn't have social media or phones like they do today. But I think society is becoming so insular, people shutting themselves away in their homes with their 'own' little family. We always had either my mum, my mother in law or sometimes both round for Sunday dinner at least twice a month. My then husbands extended family all met up at Grandma Edie's on a Saturday and high days and holidays were usually spent together. Now I actually dread Xmas because there is always this 'will we be invited or not this year'? When will we be 'allowed' to visit the grandkids and so on. My two daughters and their families are welcome here any time of the night or day, but my youngest has to give her permission before you dare to visit. The eldest one is more welcoming, although I do try and give warning beforehand in case she is busy. I suppose we just have to get used to the fact that society has changed and folk like to live in their own little bubble more.

One thing I will say though, is that I have found some of the comments to the OP quite harsh and even quite insulting. Who are we to tell someone they don't have the right to be upset?

And yes, it is lovely when your kids have such good relationships with each other, but it can sometimes be hurtful if we think we are being excluded in some way.

palliser65 Thank you for your advice. I am very new to GN.

We're the same about Christmas; I spent last winter assuming we would be going to DD's for Christmas, but my son kept saying we could go to his instead; turned out he'd realised we weren't invited and didn't want us to have nowhere to go. We've thought about going away this year but we have an old family friend who has started to visit us the day after Boxing Day and we don't want to disappoint her, especially as it means someone enjoys our company!!

Why on earth didn't your daughter say something to you? My sister did something similar when my parents were alive. She was single and always spent Christmas with them, but in her late 40s she met her husband, and quite reasonably wanted to spend Christmas with him. She didn't think to mention it to me, just told them, very abruptly that she wouldn't be coming. They tried to be sensible and brave about it, but were upset. The moment they mentioned it to me, I invited them to stay, I was very happy to have them because they rarely spent Christmas day with me, although we always spent Boxing day together.

My sister knew I would be delighted to have them, so why she handled the situation is such an unhelpful and upsetting way I will never know.