Support for Grans cut-out of AC&GC lives

Flump I didn't use a solicitor, and before you say it, yes I did need one. I did all the paper work myself, but in court you need a barrister to talk the talk for you. I went 3 times; first they didn't show, second they contested & had a barrister, third I was not given the permission to go to court for a visitation order, even given an official paper to say so!,
and your right, there's no going back after court

Yogagirl, I haven't been on here long so wasn't around when you went to court. Did the solicitor give you any advice? I always worry that legal people just encourage upsets as it is a money maker for them. You would hope an experienced professional would guide you. I can see how going to court would make it all more difficult to come back from.

Alexa sorry to hear about your uncaring GD, some GC when hitting their late teens are just too busy for grandma, but later on they come back. Yes your right about the Asian families being more attentive to their family lines, I envy them too.

Celebgran I too wish I had never reacted as I did, in my case going to court, worse decision of my life, but a grieving brain does not work the same as a normal one, my brain has now settled, so I now cannot believe I went down that road, just not my style

I agree with Maddy re the flight to Oz Smileless. I remember my H on walking past a travel agents window, full of the delights of Xmas in Oz, he said to me shall we go, 6 weeks in Oz for Xmas would be great but I said no, as we hadn't been back living in UK for that many years, so I didn't want yet another Xmas overseas without my family; mum & dad and sister & brother etc. not to mention that long, long flight!

Maddy how wonderful to be going to Florida with your S&GS, you will have an unforgettable time there. We went years back, my H set the alarm every day, to get us all up and out, so's not to miss any of the day, and he was right to do that as it was sooo expensive for the Disney tickets and sooo much to see! The food portions in the restaurants were like mountains So sad that your D's reaction is spoiling your dream.

PS I was talking to a young Sikh woman yesterday and envied her genuine extended family . She travels all the way to Punjab so that her children can experience their extended family and the place of their origin.

My son's partner innocently presumed that my grown up granddaughter and I knew each other. Son's partner in a conversation expected me to join her in discussion about my granddaughter. My son interrupted quietly to say that his mum did not really have anything to do with his daughter. Son is sorry about this but what can he do? I don't know why my granddaughter is standoffish. All my grands seem not to be aware I exist, and I don't know why.

There is nothing I can do if the younger people in my 'family' choose to exclude me. I am 86 and have more interesting things to think about than what I have no control over.

Hello again everyone, just been catching up with your posts. I'm like you celeb and flump , I absolutely cannot leave things, I must know, so I ask questions, but DH prefers to leave things, not to ask. He wouldn't even look at a photo of the new baby when daughter was behaving so terribly, but I just had to see. I think men are usually more inclined to leave things be, but not always of course, as smileless shows.

I understand why you prefer your son to come here smileless, it's such a very long flight to Australia. I've never been, but the idea of the flight puts me off.

Just want to say thank you to you all, I've received such wonderful, caring support on here, and even though my situation has improved, you thought it would didn't you yogagirl I'm very grateful and thankful for the kindness I've received.

celeb how are you now? You are several weeks into your medicine and have been improving, but you should hopefully be feeling a lot better now. Depression is a terrible illness, it takes away all joy and motivation, but when you realise you're feeling better, and finding pleasure in some small things again, it feels so good.

Our son has asked us to go to Florida with him and his partner and little one in the summer. We've agreed to go, looking forward to seeing his little face in Disney, but we are so afraid to tell our daughter. But it has to be done, and soon, and we have to hope she takes it well.

sparkly I have a lot of ironing, would you like it

CelebMr. S. is more like you and I'm more like
Mr. C. When I've suggested that he "leave it" and he's decided to go ahead and make contact, he's always regretted it as it never ends well, just opens the door to more hurtful messages.

123flump I think men find it easier to close their mind to certain problems, my dh certainly can,
One of his favourite expressions is "leave it" which I do find tad annoying?.

Ironically he is often right sometimes best course of action is nothing and to my dying day I regret responding to derogatory texts from my daughter.

Hindsight is such a wonderful thing.

However new year and let's try be positive I have rejoined my monthly membership for acquacsie and swimming and badminton, not done 3rd yet but will ask surgeon on 26th when I see him.

Yes celebgran opposites can balance each other can't they. My husband can close his mind to things, I just can't. I think with me it dates to quite early childhood when a very loved relative disappeared. He was eventually declared dead, it was quickly realised he was due to circumstances I won't go into but no body ever found. His poor mother, I don't know how she survived it.

I think someone disappearing like that with no "closure" as people say now was very damaging.

Aaah Celeb, you and Yogagirl know me so well.

Opposites and all that 123flump?

My husband would be like smilless I am glutton for punishment and want to try find out things even though it hurts me.

My last counsellor last winter said it really didn't help me trying find out information best let it go. Easier said than done.

I don't have that heartache of my ds seeing our grandkids, I also know how much he loved our oldest and have seen him very upset over being cut out,
Sad thing is I don't think our daughter wanted to lose him, but he made choice to suport us, it's not easy for anyone in this awful situation.

Smileless I would bombard our son with questions if he was in contact but can understand how you trying protect yourself from further heartache,❤️?

I can understand you preferring him to come here but it is nice that you've been, you can picture him in his new environment.

I can understand your husband's point of view, I would want to hear about them but it isn't really fair of him to force this on you. We all deal with things in our own way. I think if it was happening to us I would be like your husband and my husband would be like you. Maybe it means we have well balanced relationships?

We've been to Aus. twice flump and have no immediate plans to return. We'd rather DS came here, we'd pay for his flights which is cheaper than both of us going over there and wouldn't have to deal with the horrendous flight.

Thanks Celeband Yogagirl. It is painful knowing that DS has spent time with our GC. I suppose DS would tell us if there was anything wrong flump but I never ask. Mr. S. asked this time but it opens the door to those painful and difficult conversations that I no longer have the desire or the strength to deal with.

It makes me , not that Mr. S. asks because of course that's up to him, but he can't keep it to himself so ends up telling me even though he knows I don't want to know. He'd even seen a photo of our eldest that DS showed him. Thank goodness he didn't give me a detailed description. Maybe because I didn't ask for one.

Sparkly we've chatted on pm, so I'll not repeat, didn't want to appear uncaring on here, re your health problems. xx

I couldn't bear it if my ND was seeing my estD & GC, it would be so painful! But that doesn't equate to my being happy she is cut out also, as I know how much it hurts her

Thanks smilless and my heart goes out to you not sure how I would cope if ds saw my ed.
Like you I would have to but it would tear me apart although I think I would be pleased someone was in touch.

I still pray that it will come good for you?Indeed all of us.

It is middle Grandaughter 7th today close in age to your eldest Smilelss. It's one w didn't even know was expected an ex school friend of xxx told me when she was 7 months old we didn't even know what sex until she sent Xmas card with name on to godparents, now they been exiled totally also.

The youngest Smilelss we have no idea what birthday dh last spoke to xxx shortly after she was born and that was middle September 2013 so xxx told her dad she was up all night with one or the other. That time she pleased with her husband for her dad see children to no avail??.

Oh smilless bad enough my ds off afghanastin again on 18th but at least hope see him few times this year without his constant support I would crumble,
It's damn hard your ds so far away.
However if he has good prospects in oz then he has to carry on. Who knows what future holds?
Keep strong and positive!
Big hugs from me and can't wait till we link up again. Xx

Smileless have you any plans to go to Australia? Might be a good experience for you. Maybe you have already been, I've not been on here long so excuse me if you have done the trip already.

It must be difficult when your son is visiting his brother but it must be a comfort to know the children are well. I hope things go well in 2018.

That is very sad Celeb. We're thankful of course that DS is in contact with and sees his brother but it's unbelievably difficult when he's here and staying with us, and comes home at the end of a day having spent the entire day with his nephews, our GC.

I noticed from your post on another thread Celeb that it's your youngest GC's bday today; it was our eldest GC's bday yesterday; he was 6.

Oooh Sparkly you really should go and see you GP. There are some nasty bugs and viruses going around at the moment and 3 weeks is a long time to let something go untreated.

Thanks Starlady but DS has no plans to move back to UK for the foreseeable future and I think he's right. They went to Aus. because of his estranged wife and I think it's important that he try and make a go of his life over there and see if he can be happy, rather than making a hasty decision to jack it all in.

Of course, we've no idea when we'll be seeing him again, in the flesh so to speak. If we're lucky it could be Christmas, if not who knows.

As said before s I law cut out ed godparents and she has no contact with anyone in her family sadly
Her brother is just to upset to ever even discuss her despite me okeadi g with him to try contact her
He did in first place and write to her when his dad was Ill
She never cared enough to respond so I can't blame him
Very sad tho

Sparklygran have u seen Dr? 3 weeks is too long be poorly.

When we are low and stressed our immune system suffers and also our body cells don't repair as easily.

I am not good at taking my own advice but finding some time to relax light candle put soothing music on helps me

Old wife's tales often turn out to be true!

Imo, Sparkly, anything to do with the lungs is about a germ in the respiratory system. But I'm not a doctor. Is your friend? Unless she's a doctor or nurse, I would just brush off her comment as an old wives' tale,

Sorry about your chest infection though. Hope you feel better soon.

I try not to know about other family members visiting my estDS DiL and DGC. I hope that doesnt sound cold, its just a self protection thing. My brother and lovely SiL visit my estDS once a year, but my DB would never hurt me with it, unless I asked directly.
I have had a chest infection for nearly 3 weeks, a friend tells me anything to do with the lungs is about grief, so maybe if thats right, it does affect me.

Just had first entertaining friends round for dinner sine my operation! Was bit nervous but keep it simple and they are very good company used work with lady few years ago.

Another milestone!

Yoga I don't have that worry ed doesn't see anyone in her family or old friends from where we live sad really

Smilesles so glad visit went well hope u not too down now

Thanks, celeb! Glad you had a good time with your friends!

Smileless, it's also good to hear about your lovely visit with ds! Like Yoga, I'm hoping he'll decide to move back closer to home now.

Yoga, maybe bil doesn't tell you when he plans to see estd because he's afraid it will hurt you? He might not realize you would like to hear about his visit.

If a visit ever materializes, that is. It doesn't look as if it's going to. Imo, he would be a fool to make plans with her again after she stood him up 3 times!