Gransnet forums

Relationships

Daughters with children vs daughters without

(30 Posts)
TinyPot Sat 09-Sep-17 23:23:10

Do you think you have a stronger relationship with your daughter/s when/if they've had children of their own?

If you have 2+ daughters and one/some of them have children and one/some of them don't, do you find that you see or talk to the ones with children more? Or that you're closer to them?

tiredoldwoman Sun 10-Sep-17 08:27:32

I've got 2 daughters , the eldest has 4 children, the younger has none ( yet) . I think the ratio of contact is heavy on the large family side ! They need help with practical stuff -
babysitting ,'Granny, come and see' things , trouser hemming , money lending etc . My younger daughter's needs are different but I try to keep them all happy .

ginny Sun 10-Sep-17 08:30:36

I have 3 daughters. 2 have children . I am lucky to be able to spend time with each of them. Each has interests that I share with them. I probably see the youngest more at the moment as she is currently a SAHM. We all
Meet up as a family regularly.

valeriej43 Sun 10-Sep-17 09:16:06

I have only 1 daughter. She has no children. Never wanted any. But we are very close

Sheilasue Sun 10-Sep-17 09:36:24

Only have one daughter, she never wanted children, she has a career she has split from her partner and although she has met some one else they live in their own homes.
We are very very close, she lives just round the corner to us and she has our gd her niece every other weekend.
Which helps us, and they do lots of things together.

grannygranby Sun 10-Sep-17 09:38:12

like valeriej43 I have one daughter with no children. We see each other every day for dog walks. (I have a grand dog!). We are very close.

spallam Sun 10-Sep-17 09:39:31

I have 3 daughters, 2 of whom have one child each. I think their understanding of me has developed since they had their children. My youngest daughter's partner does not want any more children ( he has 2 grown-up children from a previous marriage). She has a dog instead. I am lucky to have very good relationships with all of my daughters and try to see them all as much as possible.

harrigran Sun 10-Sep-17 09:58:41

I have one DD, married but without children, I see her a few times a year. I follow her travels on FB and generally know where she is. We get on fine when we do see each other, we just have different lives.

dragonfly46 Sun 10-Sep-17 10:06:44

I am much closer to my DD who has no children than my son who has one and one on the way!

TriciaF Sun 10-Sep-17 10:14:01

I have a daughter and a step-daughter (she lived with us from age 4 to 17.) My relationship with SD was always a bit 'prickly', but after she'd had a child now aged 21 we get on much better.
My own daughter never had children - I'm surprised to see so many on here in the same boat. We've always been very close.

TellNo1Ok Sun 10-Sep-17 10:15:14

We have twin girls and one daughter was unable to have children... this was of great sadness for us all but she stood straight and eventually was able to move on with her life ...as we all had to... and she needed the support of us all .. dreams change...

do i have a stronger relationship with my daughter who has children? ... no.

i think i have different relationships with both of the "girls" and with our grandchildren... all relationships are different and changing : dynamic is the phrase i think i want! Driven by ALL our needs and wants at that time...

(Grandchildren now growing and we are all enjoying watching them mature or not!)

TriciaF Sun 10-Sep-17 10:15:28

ps Good question, by the way TinyPot.

Irenelily Sun 10-Sep-17 10:20:55

I have 3 daughters (and 1 son) apart from my eldest daughter, all have 2 children. Now I am older I think I am closest to my eldest daughter, although I have close relationships with the other two but different. Perhaps that's the key - responding to the personalities. With the daughters who have children, I feel a kinship - we have experienced motherhood - but they have close relationships with their children - and are busy too! My eldest said she never wanted children but met her husband when older and now thinks it would have been different if they had met earlier. She is very caring towards all the family including her disabled stepdad - she is a fantastic auntie!

meandashy Sun 10-Sep-17 10:26:44

I can't speak for me as I have one child, a daughter, with a daughter, who I raised for the last four years. Our relationship is difficult to say the least especially now the wee one is back living with her.
I am the youngest of 3 kids, 2 girls and my brother (the eldest). Our relationships with our mum hasnt been based on whether we've had children (although mine certainly improved when I had my daughter) but rather on how my siblings see my mum as a person. Not the same way I do that's for sure! They spend very little time in her company for that reason. Not that they don't love her but that they find her draining. Sad really 😢

catwoman Sun 10-Sep-17 10:52:20

I have 7 grandchildren ranging from 24 to 2. Even have one great Grandchild with another one on the way but I loved the comment of having a 'grandog'. I have one of those as well. Love them all x

Marnie Sun 10-Sep-17 11:21:05

Only one daughter almost 40 no children. Three long term relationships since she was 18 but on her own now. Lives other end of country virtually no contact for six years but when I was ill a few months ago she visited but her visit was all about her dad. One son with two children who we don't see. Must have been a terrible mother.

icanhandthemback Sun 10-Sep-17 11:35:28

When my no. 1 daughter had a child, it completely changed our relationship. I went from being somebody who knew nothing to someone who was expected to be the font of all knowledge when it came to rashes, a child's progress, discipline, etc. It made me chuckle really and I love our new relationship.
No.2 daughter and I had a good relationship all the way through which didn't change once she had children. However, she is the one who was happy to move away whilst No. 1 daughter would rather not. It's funny how they turn out.

grandMattie Sun 10-Sep-17 12:06:38

No idea. Having children seems to have soured my relationship with my own mother; although she became very close to my two sisters.
With my DD, we don't get on especially well [not badly, I hasten to add] with SiL and they live far from us. As her ILs live almost next door, they see much more of them and DD seems to forget we exist most of the time.
On the other hand, my two DSs are in constant and loving contact.
So my experience, is that I really don't know.

paddyann Sun 10-Sep-17 12:06:48

I have one daughter who has three children ,we've always been very close and either see or speak to each other every day ,my son is exactly the same has one child and we see or speak every day .I think its just how they were raise ,,I saw my mother every day ,lived with her until I married and visited on my way home from work every day after I was married .

SunnySusie Sun 10-Sep-17 12:15:33

I have one daughter in her 30s. She has a career and a partner, but they dont live together. She has no children and doesnt want any. I too am quite surprised at the number of people on this post with daughters who have no children and actually quite cheered up by it. I have been quite concerned about her decision, although I recognise it is entirely up to her (and her partner) so I dont say much. Its fine now, but I do wonder if they will miss out in the longer term by not experiencing all the amazing things that happen as children grow up and also the comfort they bring when you are older. My daughter and I are very close and I really value that relationship.

Ellie Anne Sun 10-Sep-17 14:29:32

I have one daughter late thirties who has never wanted children. Had 2 relationships in her university days but I don't think she's had any since. As she lives a long way away I don't know for sure. She's had problems with her mental health for many years and that can make our relationship difficult, I love her to bits but can't always help her.

Ellie Anne Sun 10-Sep-17 14:35:10

Oh Marnie please don't think that. There are so many reasons why things happen as they do and we often have no control of them. My family are a mixed bag but not the keeping in touch every day sort. I'm sure you did everything you could for yours .

WendyS Sun 10-Sep-17 14:57:02

My daughters and sons have children. I don't feel closer to the daughters with children.

Christinefrance Sun 10-Sep-17 15:23:17

I have one daughter with children and one without, I have quite different relationships with them, I can relate to the children and their issues and with my other daughter we have career choices in common. No right or wrong just different.

luluaugust Sun 10-Sep-17 16:18:30

I have two daughters, for some years only one had children but I think we all got on well just the conversation was about different things and the amount of support needed differed. Now both have children but one lives further away, so love them all but have to deal with them in different ways.