Unsociable partner

That fact that her partner is a bit of an arse wouldn't make any difference to my friendship with her. It sounds as if she could do with good friends. I wouldn't be bothered about not being invited to his birthday do.

I think it would depend on why she doesn't come to yours. Do you suspect that it is because her husband doesn't like her to go out.
If you enjoy her company and she also supports you when you need it the the friendship is between the two of you and there is no need for you to socialise with her husband. (doesn't sound like you are missing much)

I can identify with your friend - it's why I clicked on this thread! My DH isn't sociable either. Please carry on being a good friend to your friend. She has probably lost many friends in the past thanks to her DH's personality. If she's like me, her friends are probably very important to her as well. Keep up the good work!

Your friend probably feels dreadful about you not getting an invite but best if you leave it I think. If the is such a dreadful husband to her then it's possible you did not get invited because he did not want you there. Controlling behaviour it seems. Just carry on as usual with your friend it sounds as if she needs one .

She's your friend and you are hers. I'm not sure why you want to involve the men at all. My husband had a number of friends, tied in with work and his hobby, that I didn't particularly like. He wasn't all that keen on some of mine. As long as we didn't try to mixi it together it worked fine.
Just enjoy your friendship. No need for it to be a foursome!

Thanks for your replies. I agree to a degree about just having the friendship between her and myself, that's fine. I am not into coupley stuff anyway, however I find it very odd that I I know all her family, get invited to certain stuff but not others.

I don't care for him at all, I would not have gone to the do. I just find it upsetting that I'm
Ok for some stuff but not for others.

She has enough people in her life to support her, she doesn't really need me.

Just to add..everyone thinks he's a great bloke..if only they knew

This thread sounds very familiar I m sure I ve commented on one very similar not long ago or am I dreaming

GB Have you thought that your friends OH knows you can see through him and that you know what a miserable person he is,I'd ignore him and keep your friendship with your friend as it is,its his loss.

I find it is quite common that wives socialise with their own and their husbands' friends and their partners but husbands are less comfortable socialising with their wives' friends and partners.

It doesn't really bother me. I meet up with my own friends (minus their partners generally) on a regular basis and my husband meets up with his friends (minus their partners) occasionally. I count my husband's friends and their partners as being my friends too, though I'm fairly sure that if we were not together they would maintain their friendship with him but not me.

I don't think your friend means to be unkind or impolite. She was probably in an awkward position since it was his birthday. If you don't like him you can bet your life he doesn't like you either so presumably you wouldn't be a chosen guest. You were probably saved from a not very enjoyable evening - and anyway you said you wouldn't have gone - perhaps your friend realised this.

My feeling is that you shouldn't let this spoil your friendship.

I think you had a lucky escape not being invited to his birthday bash, imagine what his mates must be like????

You don't need to be friends with the couple, they are still individual people, don't let him being a bore spoil a good friendship.

Eloethan speaks sense. Enjoy the friendship with her, lots of husbands can cause problems like this, and she probably is put in awkward positions by him. I'd be glad just to be away from him. Why not meet sometimes at a really nice cafe for time out for her

I feel for your friend, I've never been able to invite friends to my home since ill health made my DH (never very welcoming to my friends) extremely short tempered and rude.
Please stick with your friend! I was honest with my friends and they have been a wonderful understanding support to me through difficult times. I couldn't manage without them.

I agree with MissAdventure, spot on. I couldn't give a monkey's about his birthday, if he is as you say...not very nice. But don't lose a friendship over the fact that she doesn't invite you to dinner...in the scheme of things it doesn't matter as long as you enjoy yourself when you are with her.

You are right Bluebelle we have been here before but I guess this is quite a common problem, if it is a problem. I have friendships where I have been the one going to their house and also at various times when someone prefers to come to me, just carry on meeting up and leave the men out of it, there are all kinds of friendship. As for not being asked to the party, well it would have been interesting to have a look at his friends but otherwise wouldn't worry about it. See thread about those who dread being asked to parties!

My husband has a widowed cousin who lives alone and has a friendship group she meets almost every day for coffee in the same supermarket café. The situation you describe happens within that group of friends. My relative never invites people into her flat as she's ashamed of her lack of tidiness and tendency to hoard, yet she will accept any invitation to visit any of the other friends. At the same time, there are others within that circle who are like her and wouldn't even give their home phone number or address to any one of them because of particular circumstances at home, i.e., a difficult spouse, poor surroundings. The friendship seems to be the important thing and if it is sustained outside the home then stick with it.

Gordonbennett Upset/perplexed and wondering why
There has to be a problem behind closed doors
Any chance of inviting her over on some pretence ie that you want her advice This should give you an idea of the situation.

I only see my friend every 4-6 wks due to distance although we text nearly every day.
I haven't seen her husband for about 3 yrs and even when she lived local we never got together as a foursome. Her H is nice enough but it's her and I that are friends.

The important question is, does she go to other friends house that are her friends and not her husband's. ? If yes, I would wonder why she doesn't come to yours. If no, then it is not personal.

As for the his birthday party, not sure why he would invite you as you are his wife's friend not his.

Surely you wouldn't have wanted to go to his party? So no loss there! Your friend probably had no say in the matter.

Be phlegmatic about the party.
Actually, I'd be quite relieved not to have been invited if his mates are all like him.

I just want to add that I have recently left my husband after 40 years, he controlled every aspect of my life. I think I was the one whose friends were saying "why does she do ... or why weren't we invited to ...." You never know what is going on in a marriage no matter how it looks from the outside - my advice is be there for your friend, let the rest float by, I don't know if your friend's marriage is anything like mine but if it is just a little - she needs you and maybe just can't tell you - I know I couldn't tell anyone until 19th July 2017 date I freed myself.

Couldn't agree more with ''Thirdinline'. It sounds as if she has a controlling husband. My father was exactly the same with my mother and her friends. He even used to tell my mothers friends to go home if they came to the house to visit. Your friend needs you!

As others have said, leave out the husband and just arrange things with your friend. Go out for lunch, or a walk or invite her around for coffee instead of dinner to each other's houses.

I would not feel unduly concerned about the lack of an invite to his party, he can invite who he likes to his own event.

Some husbands/partners are just like that and there's no point wasting your time wondering why. Just accept and move on, creating happy times for you. x