I'm not sure how much more I can take

I had a long time friend of more than twenty years who started bragging about how much property she owned, what she'd get from her (still living) mother's estate and so on and on and on and...

The final straw came when she wanted me to call her by a new name she had chosen for herself.

It came to head one evening at the pub when she couldn't wait to tell me that her mother had signed over the house to her. She was gleaming and performed that little shake of the head you sometimes see when people gloat. I told her straight that I was the last person she needed to impress after all those years and that I would not be calling her by the new name.

We ended our friendship because I just didn't have the patience with her escalating narcisstic ways. Sad, but it is what it is and to be honest I don't miss her. x

Yes, it bored me to distraction....I eased myself away from the person...haven't seen her for months...strangely I'm not missing her....she hasn't phoned either!

I have a friend like that. She has children and grandchildren and I get every detail. Also long stories about extended family and friends I don't even know. I dread the phone calls because it's all,about her.

I think letting the lard out is a brilliant expression. With old age I think we start to realise we are as important as a grain of sand in the great scheme of things and we try to feel more significant by talking. Being on your own can give you verbal diarrhoea. I do remember coming up north not knowing a soul bar two preschoolers with DH working all hours all week and I think that when someone spoke to me I embarrassed myself because I was so desperate to talk.

I have a friend I see less and less frequently as she talks at me instead of to me. Once she was sitting with the kitchen clock behind her and I saw it move on a whole hour before she drew breath. I find it wearing, dull and intimidating. She recounts events in 'real time' as if they were happening second by second and seems to have no ability or desire to report and precis.

It is a shame as this woman is bright and well travelled. Her emails are well written and interesting and she is neither mealy mouthed nor a virtue signaller which I value in this silly, hypocritical age. It is just the verbal onslaught which does for me!

There should be a rule: after a minute, it is the other person's turn. Dylan Moran, the comedian had a wonderful sketch in which he was riffing about conversation with another chap in a pub. He said, 'When the glass goes up to the other man's face that's your turn to speak.' Just so.

I think there are a lot of people like this. Totally self absorbed, however I don't think they suddenly or even slowly become this way. I truly believe that's how they have always been. We just start to notice it more and more over time or if someone else points it out to us we gradually realise that it's true

It can be exhausting but apart from discontinuing the friendship its a case of grin and bear it.

I misread this as 'gin and bear it'. It could be an answer

I used to work with someone like this, whatever I tried to discuss she would trump and tell me long stories of something she had done... but always bigger and better and far far far longer than I! So much so I would forget how her story started by the time she had finished. I don't think she meant any harm or realised how she took over the conversation talking about herself. I quite miss her now we have retired!

Very rude to do this. IF you really, really like her, and this is a new thing - possibly excuse it. If not - why are you friends - she is using time you could be enjoying.

But I do not understand why the sudden change in her character after 40 years?? maybe you should delve deeper and ask her if she is ok and has anything in her world changed because it does not make sense

But is this purely a matter of something we do as we grow older? Monica mentions it in connection with being single, which made me remember that I was very bad at talking only of myself and my concerns at one point when I was single, living alone and lacking people to really talk to on a daily basis. Fortunately, I had a strong minded friend who very kindly pointed out this trait when we were alone together. That gave me the chance to realise what I was doing and make myself stop it.

I have always been grateful to her, because it is not an attractive habit. It might be a good thing to point out to friends who are doing this that they have developed a bad habit. None of us likes having our faults pointed out to us, but usually once the first hurt reaction wears off, we can, if we feel the criticism was justified, do something to change ourselves, but we can't correct bad habits we are not aware of having, can we?

2 possible solutions:
1. Sit in total silence, don't say a thing and see how long she takes to notice !! Then you could tactfully say that this is how your meet ups tend to go.
2. Revert back to your school days, put your hand up and ask permission to speak ! That's what my Dad used to do with my Mum !!

I have a friend (DH's cousins wife) who is only a month younger than me (We're both 71). They live abroad, and we saw them last about two years ago. Coincidentally, they happen to be in town right now and phoned in this morning because they want to see us this weekend.

Their last visit, they came to stay with us for a few days. During that time, she talked incessantly and interrupted constantly. I couldn't complete a thought or sentence before she jumped in yet again. Nonetheless, we go back a long time and have known them both for almost as long as I know my own DH (more than 50 years).

I am already prepared on what to expect, so I intend to make the best of it and try to manage with kindness. I've even considered the possibility that she's gotten worse, as I suspect it could be some kind of dementia.

I also believe that true friendship should be for the most part, unconditional. As annoying as she is now, it wouldn't be fair to blame her or to shun them both after all these years for something she obviously can't control.

I have a friend exactly like this. Can't just be an age thing as she's been like this as long as I've known her, 54 years. I just shut up and let her ramble on about her and her family and all their problems. Don't think she even remembers my sons names or anything about them. I've given up trying to engage in a conversation with her now. Good thing is she has decided she wants nothing more to do with me as I failed to reply to a text she sent me (which I didn't receive due to no signal) as she has lots of other friends. Well, good luck to them lol! Peace at last!

I suppose most of us can be guilty of hogging the conversation at times but when it is everytime it is draining.

Like [Charleygirl] I have a friend who had free call time but only in half an hour stretches. She would ring and ask the niceties and then go on to her news/problems. This would maybe last until about 28 minutes and she would say time is almost up but I will call you right back and disconnect before you could say yay or nay. This went on for years, although she could be a listener too at times, before she changed telephone suppliers without free foreign call time. It was just the same every time I rang her. Now I just keep to email as I feel I am in charge of my time that way. I can either reply straight back or leave it to the next day.

Maybe some people reading this will blush!

Hmmm, well it does set me thinking a bit.

Maybe some very lonely people will feel they now cannot share with their friends fluttERBY123.

Even better, perhaps they will now think about if they are boring people to death by endless monologues.I think that lonely people do talk a lot, when they get the chance, but if they didn't, and allowed more give and take in the conversations, they may not be lonely, as more invitations to coffee and chat would come their way.

Well let's hope you are never the lonely one lemongrove or, if your are, there are more thoughtful people around than you.

Annodomini- I’m thinking about it as I write. I remember a teen comic item on how to keep friends which said one question/ chance for your friend for every thing you want to tell. It did say that the rule needn’t be consecutive but I never forgot even though it’s sometimes hard. When I meet one acquaintance I have who never lets me speak I sometimes butt in with “Oh before I forget, I must just tell you . . .” So I get at least one comment in. She is probably on here complaining about me.

I'm staying overnight in a hotel. I just went down to reception to get more milk and there was a long queue. At the head of the queue was an elderly lady regaling the receptionist with tales of her grandchildren. She would turn occasionally, look at the queue and then just continue until eventually someone said 'Give us a go love."
She stepped to one side but she didn't stop talking!

Yes, GracesGran.
I sometimes think I am guilty of this, but only get verbal diarrhoea with my family, who soon tell me to stop talking.
Not normally with friends. But it's because there is nobody to talk to for much of the time.
I imagine there are a lot of people on here who live on their own, and have nobody to talk to for much of the time that others take family or husband/wife for granted.
Having television/radio on in the background is no substitute.

I wonder why, eglantine, someone in the queue didn't talk to the woman and distract her, so the rest could get their keys/milk/whatever. Were they all being British?

Think we need to be aware that we're doing it though. There have been times when I think Im even boring myself! When I was thinking about moving house a few years ago (first time I had made that decision by myself) I just had to talk about it. I gave myself a 10 minute limit though when I met with friends. At least I think I did!