Confused

But it has to be remembered I’m a die-hard cynic when it comes to the male of our species .

Maybe the arrival of Christmas will indicate whether he wants you to meet his family or to spend more time with you.

As he's been a widower for 11 years, he may be used to being on his own by now and out of practice in talking about his feelings.

I agree with Apricity that I wouldn't cook for him too often unless the hospitality is returned or he may start taking you and your company for granted.

Do your own thing as well as spending time with him, meet other people and let him know you are doing this and see if he reacts with disappointment or indifference.

As others have said, you probably need time to get over your divorce. There's no rush in trying to find a replacement male in your life.

Keep it like that. Best of both worlds. The attention of a man and companion to do things with, but retaining all your autonomy and independence!

All sounds really lovely Startingover16. I think the rule book has gone out of the window with relationships in favour of whatever suits both of you, particularly for mature people with a marriage/partnership behind them. Having said that I really would take your time. I do think there is a bit of a danger you might get into something too quickly on the rebound. I had a friend who got divorced, found someone on internet dating a few months later and went to China with him on holiday, raving about how lovely it was to be appreciated after all these years. Found herself the other side of the world with a complete stranger and it all ended in tears (she wasnt his only lady friend). Two years on she has met someone else via the same route and its going swimmingly, however, she is taking it very, very slow. I am sure this isnt likely with your chap, but I had dinner with her and the first date and I wouldnt have predicted his behaviour at all.

My mother had been widowed for almost 30 years when she met someone who had lost his wife fairly recently. They had a lovely loving relationship until she died a couple of years later. If they had waited they might have had much less time together.

It sounds to me as if you are both taking things slowly right now, which sounds right to me. I would let things develop at their own pace right now.

If or when you feel he is beginning to look for more, you might feel you need to tell him that you are not yet ready for a new and more serious relationship, but my advice is not to mention that now.

I think it would be nice to sense a 'slow burn' happening. It doesn't sound like it has, so far. I'm all for taking things very, very slowly, but I would like to think of it as holding back unbridled passion, or at least fancying the pants off each other.

Once again, many thanks for all your support - and I'll certainly keep you posted!
One of you asked about my marriage. Yes, the writing had been on the cards for a few years. My ex-husband was a liar and a cheat and his behaviour had become totally unreasonable; he had several affairs over the last few years (well, those I found out about) and even in the case of non-adulterous affairs, he went behind my back a number of times. In the end, and in a new place where we were supposed to be making a 'fresh start', he met yet another woman and moved in with her not long after they met. That was the day I decided to get rid of him once and for all. I heard the other day that they're now married - ink on DA hardly dry!
So yes, I'm determined to enjoy every moment of this new chapter of my life and see what happens! Nice to think one still 'has it' after 60!!

Gosh your post mirrors my life
And am to dating a widower
It’s been one of the loviest 11months but I’m enjoying the best of both worlds being single and independent and being courted and romanced
Always enjoy the now and the future will be whatever you want it to be

Just take it slowly. Enjoy having a special friend but don't get in too deep too quick.

Startingover16. Can only agree with all other posts. Don't think too far ahead!

I was widowed young and missed having that special someone in my life but was unable to think I could ever want to have someone live with me again! (complicated story as my marriage had lots of problems in it too)

When I met someone after ten years...I was standoffish and cold. I enjoyed his company BUT..... was terrified of what he really wanted. I could be a pain...I know that. He was so different from my DH to the point that my love for him felt different. I think it was because I didn't lust after him if am honest. I just liked his company.

But HE persevered with me and we have been married now 8 years! He is a fabulous husband and step father and grandfather to my offspring.

As others have said just continue to enjoy his company and see where it takes you. Don't feel pressurised into anything but don't be afraid of your feelings either.

Good luck and look forward to hearing more......

After almost 10 years of widowhood, not wanting or desiring another man in my life, I met a newly widowed gentleman. I fell for him at first sight which was a complete and utter shock to me - the last thing I expected at my age (70). We got along immediately and meet occasionally. It seems he cares for me too, but only time will tell. I would rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all.

Just take things slowly and see where it leads, he may be just as apprehensive as you. You could test the water at the right time by saying how fond you are becoming of him, or how much you enjoy his company etc and see what response you get, good luck ....

It's not clear whether you want more from this is or not. He may well be happy if you do want it to be a more committed sort of thing. So my question is - does HE have any idea how you want things to progress?

Now you are divorced I have the feeling he may now want to take your friendship further. Are you ready for this?
Can you see this friendship turning into more than being his friend????A kiss on the lips male to female is not something new to you both but he may not see it as you do as just being friendly? Mouth to mouth is intimate
Think carefully, how well do you know him.?
Carry on as you are but don't let yourself be pressured into something you may regret

Enjoy it but take it slowly. If you are ambivalent about the possibility of things moving on to another level it is worth seeing how the friendship developes. It is only if you are sure you don't want it to go further that you need to get this point across carefully. For many years I had a good friend who used to take me to the opera or out to dinner. I was almost certain that he saw me simply as a good friend and dinner companion but would have hated to cause him embarrassment if I had misread the situation. When we were in his car after the opera one evening I mentioned how much I had enjoyed it and how lovely it was to be single and able to suit myself and added that I was sure he felt the same. I never found out whether my assumtion was correct but he agreed and we were friends until his death.

Sorry, believe it or not I can spell but this bloomng tablet adds or omits letters randomly and I don't always proof read thoroughly. ?

More thought-provoking comments, thank you all.
This man knew my ex-husband very briefly, but has not contacted him at all since he left, nor has the ex made any attempt to get in touch with him. To be honest, the way I see it, he didn’t have to become my friend but chose to and has been a constant in my life since my ex-husband went. We’ve actually been texting most of this afternoon and I’ll see him tomorrow for a while. He initiated the texting earlier, by the way. One of you asked if I’m ready to take it further. The truth is, DA is only a few weeks ago and I’m enjoying getting to know myself again (I’ve reverted to my birth surname, which is taking a bit of getting used to, to be honest) and doing things for myself. I really do enjoy his company, though, and yes, I want to take things really slowly and get to know him too, and what he wants from this. There’s no doubting we’ve become good friends, so that’s a really good start! Someone said a kiss on the lips is intimate - yes, it is. I have to say they’re not long kisses, but kisses on the lips they are! I think I’m going to see how dinner goes and how we get on, what we chat about, etc. Just try and gauge the situation really. One thing I do know, though, is that I’m already a lot happier!

My partner of the last 13 years had been a widower for 9years when we met. It was a good few years before we started living together. I agree with the previous poster who said he could be out of practice in emotional stuff. That was certainly the case with my partner.
As I have shared on this site before, my partner never wants to remarry, something which I have slowly come to terms with.
It is very different sharing your life with someone who has been widowed as opposed to divorced. There are absolutely no bad memories to share, if anything there is a pedestal involved if you see what I mean!
Good luck and have a lovely time getting to know each other better.

It sounds just wonderful.
Take your time, enjoy his company and see where it goes. I wouldn't say anything, just relax and enjoy it. Good luck!

I was nearly 61 and DH was 65 when we met in 2006. He'd been on his own for a long time as his toxic first wife had really broken him down. Neither of us was looking for a new relationship - but we got on so well, so many laughs and we really appreciated the joy of having someone congenial to do nice things with. We married in 2009, moved into "our house" in 2010 and continue to enjoy each other's company; we are both each other's favourite companion, and are very happy. So go for it, enjoy it and have a wonderful time.

May I offer a suggestion

Change the dinner date to a safe public place, for a quiet meal
Don't invite him home until you are really, really sure that he is safe

If you would like to take things further, make your intentions plain. In this current age of "sexual harassment" it would really help him to know that you want to have an intimate relationship

Since you are both single, why not suggest that you go away for a weekend in a hotel. Being intimate in a hotel room is probably safer than inviting him home.

Make the timing of your sexual encounters plain, so that if he wants to take a pill he can plan the time. Unless he is exceptionally fit he may struggle to "perform" and may want some assistance, both from a pill and from you. They usually take an hour to work, so impromptu sessions may be disappointing for both of you !

Do not rush anything, enjoy his company and have him around as an aquaintance and just enjoy his company you could play on the stress of you divorce as a reason to take it slowly at first.
If he is a widower he might just be looking for a chief cook and bottle washer to decorate his life. Sorry about my cynicism.

Just go along as you are at present. Time will give you an answer. Enjoy it, he sounds lovely, lucky you.

Do what you feel is right for you. I'm more of a jump in feet first sort of gal myself . But then I don't mind the odd disaster. And we are running out of time