Hubby Gone off Physical Relationship

Forgot to add I think when you get older Kindness can go a long way, I would be happy with that, but he doesn’t even know the meaning of that, to him that would being soft and he doesn’t do soft

So true

I made the decision to become sole carer to my parents many years ago. I moved to near my parents. I had been in a marriage with an impotent man for years. I had DCs from my previous marriage. So I spent nearly 20 years being a dutiful single mother, sole carer and working part time.
Now years later parents have passed away and DCs are adults with homes and children of their own. I was alone DCs were too involve to visit and I was only invited when something was needed.
Eventually I met someone, thankfully a very kind and understanding person. I am struggling to cope after all these celibate years. It was even difficult to cuddle at first. I hope this will all come right in the long run.

Sex has never been my ' thing' ( is that it?!) but I have been married, widowed, embarked on several relationships until settling with a wonderful man 15 years ago. I was a therapist in a very natural remedy for some years. Sex lives , from the little I have seen do seem to dwindle as time goes on, but there is a rarer few for who it becomes more important. Some couples cope, or find a way- cuddling , kissing, supportive relationships, but I did see that it's very hard if you have strong sex drive and your needs are being denied, harder than if the drive goes into hiding. I also found that 'use it or lose it' can apply. I am no help here Nanaplenty, I know, but it seems a common thing- it's how you cope with it, and that's the complexities of our personalities and our needs wants and desires.One possibly helpful thing I observed was that those who found an absorbing hobby or played a sport seemed to channel some of their sexual energy away (ttestosterone?). But that's not possible for lots.
Sorry, I hope you find a way, the frustration must be soul eating.

I refer to my previous post on page 4. When my husband died, it was him I missed more than the sex, though during 10 years of widowhood I have continued to use masturbation to relieve any sexual tensions which still arise. Never had the urge to 'find another man'. However, I have now unexpectedly met a man who I fell for at first sight - quite a shock to me! If the best I get from this is a friendship, it will be more than gold.

Good luck greengage!

Greengage I can totally relate. I met my DH at the age of 12. After 3 DC he passed away at age 31( I was 29).left me with 3 little ones. Lost as a lamb I was but just lived for my DC. Went out for lunch four years later with my SIL. Last thing on my mind was men .... but..... met my DH in 2000 were married in 2002 and we have been soulmates ever since. Just go with the flow. Don't put a label on it and if it's meant to be you'll be happy once again . Good luck Chuck !

My second husband and I were celibate for 20 years by his choice. I just had to adjust and cried myself to sleep many times. I had a one night stand with a younger man at the age of 60 and that was the end of my marriage as my husband couldn't forgive me. I am now with someone 10 years younger and he wants sex but i just can't get my motor going any more. I suppose i suppressed it for so many years...is there a female viagra out there?

Yes Smurf 52 female Viagra has been out for at least five years. See your gp and good luck .

Aged 60 and looking back on my sex life I would describe it as follows: lost virginity to my first boyfriend, a nice experience, we were together for a year, |I went on the pill before we we ever did it, the pill had just become free then. Went on to have a few wild years in London. Met husband-to-be, got married, our sex life was wonderful at first, we were both young. Had children, sex life deteriorated as husband still had high sex drive but I just couldn´t feel relaxed with young children and later teenagers around the house, quite a few tense moments there. After children left, my sex drive increased whereas husband´s decreased so we were about the same. Now, I´d be happy to have sex more often, but we still manage a couple of times a month, so I am not complaining. Kissing and cuddling and other forms of affection are more important than sex anyway. I think that it is important to maintain physical contact, even if only on the sofa in front of the television.

Tell him to put up or push off.
You love him dearly - but he obviously doesn't love you as much or he'd have taken the viagra or gone to counselling. He's being a selfish husband - and treating you as if your natural and normal drive is the problem. That's NOT how you treat someone you care about.
You don't have to carry out the threat to split, but I would suggest you consider genuinely leaving him. You know you will have decades of this misery to endure otherwise.
Hugs to you. Please let us know how you get on.

Is this a chicken and egg situation?
Could it be that some of these relationships being discussed had been subtly deteriorating long before the sexual side became a problem for the couple? Or could it be the other way round.
Maybe people do need to think hard about this part of their relationship particularly before trying to decide what to do about it.
Mind you I am sure that in general women are much more likely to talk about such situations than men ever would.

Wish they had a like button on here, some of these comments are really good, and I would like to let them know that I totally agree with them

My first marriage was not a happy one from my point of view. DH soon lost interest, think we managed it twice on honeymoon. It would be another three years before he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. At the same time I found i was pregnant which was almost a miracle in itself. I stayed for 22 long years. Most of it celibate. Tried to pay attention to wedding vows but eventually at aged 46, on the verge of a breakdown because of sheer misery, no social life, living with constant negativity and criticism I left him and divorced him at 48.

I wanted no other husband although I dated a bit which was ok. On a social occasion i got chatting with my now husband. We dated, and dated.....got serious but I wanted to be very careful. We had a great physical relationship also which was a revelation to me. After 6 years I moved in with him and rented out my house. Got married a year later. Married now 12 happy years and still intimate. Both mid/late 60s and although not just as active we'd be sure of about every ten days. Medication has shown it's side effects but as mentioned earlier, there are ways and means. We are ready to gently show each other what works and neither of us are left unsatisfied.

I'm happy to say he is also kind and I wish I'd known that life could be good. Duty had kept me like a prisoner through my 20s, 30s, and 40s. I

I am so sorry that so many people feel unloved and worthless. There really can be a happier life.

Nanny Tee, Female Viagra, tell me more. What is it and do most GPS recommend it ? Any other ideas for getting in the mood? I am wary of having a glass of wine because of my balance.

Well loopy loo. When it was just myself that list libido I was given them by my GP. No side effects. They were pretty new at the time. Took them once I think. Decided sharing a bath,massaging each others shoulders and back totally relaxed. That did the trick for us .

PS . Didn't actually list my libido

NannyTee mumofmadboys What you don't know is that I am in my 70s - it is very strange to feel like a love-sick randy teenager as this stage of my life, but it has definitely put a spring in my step!!

Age is just a number. It's how you feel yourself.

Lack of sex would wound my soul. He needs to get a physical and blue tablet or let you go, to my opinion.