shell shocked

Thank you all,you have given me lots of food for thought.He always parked his lorry in a layby at night, if he had to sleep out,so he didn't have to pay.He would cook a tin of stew at night and a small tin of potatoes.He makes a pot of tea and puts one Yorkshire Tbag in and one from the market.He is ill,I took him to the DR last week who said 'I won't beat about the bush,you have a growth in your right lung 7.6cms'.He has to see consultant on the 8th Jan.My husband says they have made a mistake.He had CT scan when he was in hospital a month ago and they showed nothing.

Oh my word sounds like a huge shock and revelation Has he always been careful with money or is this a new phase ?Bathing every three weeks (to my ears who loves my daily shower) sounds totally unacceptable even bathing once a week isn’t enough for me I m afraid and what right has he to tell you when to use the washing machine
Do you love this man.? is my first question
It’s a shame you never saved for your future but you can’t undo what is done but I d start from now putting away what you can as this doesn’t somehow sound as if it bodes well for the rest of your retirement

Thank you all for your comments.I worked in the NHS prior to having my son.I drew the pension.Later I formed myself as an agency and hired myself out to the NHS,never giving a thought to the future and it is absolutely my own fault that I get £200 a month for the last few years that I worked directly for the NHS.

If this is a personality change from how he was before then he could be suffering from early dementia. How very distressing this all must be for you.

How awful behaviour like this I would certainly not tolerate even if it was caused by him being unwell.
Can you not enlist another member of your family to make him see sense or even go and stay with your son and give him a short sharp shock which I think he needs,I am so cross for you.

On second thoughts, perhaps it's time for him to leave, not you, seeing as you've been paying all the household bills all these years....

I assume you get an occupational pension as well as the state pension? If so what is all this about him 'keeping' you? Sounds as if you've been keeping him for years. Perhaps it's time to leave and let him be poverty stricken all by himself.

A first step would be to use the washing machine once a week and not bother to put any of his things in it.
You shouldn’t tolerate this teddy.
If it’s really completely out of the blue, I agree with jane10 he may be unwell.
But if in retrospect, there have been signs of this coming, it’s time for a ‘conversation’ with your OH about how you’re not going to spend the rest of your life in an emotionally abusive relationship.
I imagine that if you worked full time as a senior nurse you have your own pension & could be financially independent.
Good luck.

How awful for you, he is probably feeling guilty for being a burden with his illness and his lack of financial contribution and took it out on you.
That is not to excuse him. In your place I would tell him to leave the house that you have been paying for all these years.
You do not have to put up with this, illness or not.
Right now this minute I would put one small item of clothing in the washing machine and turn it on.

Oh dear. How horrible for you. I'm wondering if he's unwell? It does sound completely unreasonable. Is there anyone else in the family you could discuss his behaviour with?

Easy to say, and obviously a huge step, but how about saying "goodbye"?