My husband has been having an affair.

denil963 I am so sorry you must be so hurt. I don't know what else to say but get some advice today and take care. best wishes

I would find it hard to ever trust him again, it must be devastating. He lied to you and the other woman as well, saying he was single and promising marriage, and she has now had an abortion? Poor woman.

I suggest a separation for a year, work out the finances with a solicitor or other professional help. Do not let him move back and do not burn your boats regarding the house. It sounds like a male menopause thing and he would have to work hard to prove he was worth fighting for if you were to consider getting back together. Don’t make any decisions in the heat of the moment. If you meet him do it over coffee somewhere. My heart goes out to you.

.....and a massive liar, to two women.

... and a drinker

Several grans think that trust is all-important. I'd rather say that there are degrees of trust. All of us have feet of clay including your beloved. Marriages vary among companionate, passionate, stormy, calm, pragmatic, financial, socially convenient, and so on. It's a mistake to be too romantic.

On the face of it Denil seems to be more level headed than her spouse who seems to have lost the plot. However even in this day and age the woman is more vulnerable than the man and Denil needs to protect herself . This may or may not include accepting that her spouse has been and may be again a silly ass or an old goat.

You need to sit down and think everything thru about the history of your marriage warts and all.
As he been unfaithful before, unfortunately if he is that type of man doesn't change.
Do you want to continue in a marriage where he can lie to you so easily.
Think about what your needs are.
You can get advice about 30 minutes free with a solicitor check out the ones which offer this service.
Take your time, consider the financial implication of a separation and/or divorce and how that would leave you.
You are in shock at the moment DON'T TAKE DRUGS or start drinking to excess it will make you feel worse.
See your GP and if necessary ask him to arrange for you to talk all this thru with someone.
Do you have a close friend you can confide in.
Make yourself busy go walking don't give up there is light at the end of the tunnel.
At the moment it will be like living in a fog but eventually you will know what to do and be able to move forward.
Best of Luck and think positive about the future.

He didn't leave because my daughter was here. I went to Portugal end of Sept to help his mum clear their sold house and he moved in with his dad to care for him. He is self employed so had to move the office - then he was under pressure with campaigns and his drinking started back up. That's when it went downhill.

Thank you for all the advice. I'm totally worn out. Annsixty she's 38! And total opposite of me ..... I'm 54. My grand daughter is not his - he's my 2nd marriage. He has no children. I suspect because she is pregnant it will appeal to him. I just feel so devastated by the lies.

I have just looked at denil's profile and she is an absolute stunner.
Her H must be mad to look elsewhere with a lovely wife and a new GC.I have

Denil. Please do some serious soul searching before you even think of taking him back. Could you ever do that to him? He's thought the grass was greener on the other side. Show him love. Don't be that door mat. You havnt gone anywhere. It's his loss. totally understand what you're going through .

I'm not worried I'm not on that many sites

I think it was a mistake him moving out to accommodate your daughter, can understand why you wanted to help them, but it couldn't have worked, would never have considered my husband leaving his own home. So perhaps it is best to get good legal advice and an amicable settlement, you can both start again and be happy.

Aggie that made me smile - the "long leash" and "reeled in".

I could have kicked OH out but decided he was worth fighting for , long leash gradually reeled in and we have survived 50 +years

There has been a lot of deceit involved here and I agree with loopyloo he has used the issue with your daughter as an escape route.
Time to look at protecting yourself and your future I think. I wish you well.

You are still young. He has seriously abused your trust. Think of yourself now.

I think I would get the locks changed. Yes I think he is keeping you as an insurance in case it breaks up with the other woman. But how could you ever trust him again?
I think it was a good excuse for him to move out that your daughter was there and to blame you in some way.
But it's your life and I wish you all the best.

craicon not at all but I do think it takes TWO to make a marriage work and if her husband felt pushed aside she has to redress the balance.I've been married 43 years and we always say we're a great TEAM ...surely they should have worked together on the family issue if thats whats caused the rift .If not then I apologise for picking it up wrong

This is from the forum terms and conditions:

"Please be aware this is a public forum and your postings are open for all to see. Please note that Gransnet has non-exclusive copyright in all submissions to Gransnet, and reserves the right to edit and re-publish these in print form".

No Denil you can't. When you post on here, how the information is subsequently used is controlled by Gransnet. But you can request a deletion.

Can I not delete myself

Sorry - crossed posts there with Grannyknot

Denil1963 contact GNHQ and ask for your profile to be taken down
Perhaps ask for the whole thread to be deleted by reporting your own post before this can be shared

I am so sorry to read of your situation some good advice offered already

You'd have to write to HQ and request that it not be shared - just hit the report button on one of your posts on this thread, report it for "Other" and complete the form.

Or you could delete your profile of course.

How do I make sure it isn't shared?