My husband has been having an affair.

Annapops that's so lovely to hear. I don't think I'll ever trust anyone really. All the months of lies and trying to tell me it was my fault. I've become cynical I suppose. I'm so happy for you the ending is beautiful ❤

Good on you girl Deni1965. Coming up to fifteen years ago I was on a Greek island with my now ex. I was painfully wondering why I felt so unhappy, neglected and unloved. Work had been so hard that year and I was so very much looking forward to that holiday and spending time with the man I loved. Of course that was all onesided. I think my ex must have felt the week was such an endurance, although he was able drink copious amounts of beer to soothe the experience and top up his tan for his lady love (I am convinced he told her it was a lads holiday as that is what I was told when he took off to Spain with her). Well, now here I am, on another Greek island with my husband of four years. I feel loved, happy, fulfilled and enjoying a life I could never have dreamed of. I wish the same for you Deni. X

Hi
Thought I would update. It's been 6 months. He moved out February - and the house which is mine was placed legally in a trust before we married. I talk to him some days but am much stronger and have a good social life with friends. I'm unsure if I will sell or rent a room, but at least life is peaceful. It's dad, because aspects of my ex I still love deeply. But I'm not blinkered and no longer trust him. I've lost his family in this process which has been very hard too. But I'm doing well so far.
It's been a very hard 6 months, some days I didn't know how id cope with all the lies and deceit.
But it's his story. Not mine. All my friends say I have the light back in my eyes. And I think I do x

Denil963 you posted a thread about this last month, as things are the same it’s time to get your solicitor involved before your husband goes to his and tries to get his hands on the house.

paddyann you appear to be contradicting yourself in posts you are sending. Here you say that you love your kids honest, but your husband is most important in your life. In the post you sent me you say you wouldn't want to know your husband if he didn't want a relationship with his/your kids....ever so slightly confused about your views.

Been there......my ex is now happily married and I am unhappily single. It's 20 years now...I wish I had the confidence to go 'dating' ...had one or two offers but not interested. Too late now, so just living my life with the kids and grandkids....sometimes I think I am too dependent on them for my happiness....well, I keep giving them money left, right and centre, for 2 reasons....don't want the taxman to get it....I have enough to see me through...I don't have extravagant needs. Also, my ex spends every penny of his money, so I know they won't have anything from him. Maybe, I carry a bit of guilt for not making a success of the marriage...takes two to tango and all that.

Hi ,Im going through the same thing at the moment . Mine cheated on me two years ago after 43 years of marriage . Its sad because we have Grandkids and as you can understand my whole life has been centred around him and my family . The trust has gone and so the marriage is over although we continue to live in the same house . He doesnt understand why I cant trust him anymore . I wish he would go so I can start over but we jointly own the house and both want to be near our children and grandchildren whom we babbysit for . Its to costly for us to split the house and live in same area .

My first husband cheated on me with a neighbour. I divorced him as I could no longer trust him: the betrayal was too great. I could not forgive him for the way he had used our young daughter in the lies (another story). He went on to do to another woman exactly what he had done to me - not only having an affair but clearing the bank account. I learned later that he had been having affairs all through our married life (13 years).
I married again, a wonderful man with whom I had over thirty years of happiness, until he died nearly two years ago.
You need to think very carefully whether you would ever trust your husband again. Could you live with that doubt? I know how hard it is now but, you really need to think about what is best for you. Take your time, weigh up the options and take advice, preferably from a disinterested party. Good luck!

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So sorry to hear of your situation. I can sympathise as I am going through something similar myself.

Denil, what do you want. x

So sorry to read this. A similar thing happened to me. My husband of almost 24 years at the time joined a dating site for married people looking for an extramarital affair. Despite many promises, he didn’t change and, in Dec 2016, having bought a brand new house together in a completely new area, he left me for some woman he’d known for about 5 minutes. I divorced him. Heard recently that he married her not long after the decree absolute was granted. Third marriage for him (he’d been divorced for two years when I met him). Getting rid of him was the best thing I’ve ever done. You must look after yourself and your own needs. Get a good solicitor. I learned the hard way that leopards don’t change their spots, but onwards and upwards! I wish you all the best.

I married my first Husband at 17. Had 3 kids at age of 23. He decided to cheat on me with a 17 yr old . Told me he was going fishing with his mate. I never ever forgot that. I forgave, but because I couldn't forget,it was over for me. I just lived for my DC after that. Don't lose your self worth chuck. It doesn't do you any good. Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Denil dig deep and find the strong woman you are.

My first fiancee cheated on me. When I discovered it (his other girlfriend contacted me) I also discovered that he "recycled" some of his stories and told us both the same lies on occasion- mostly looking for sympathy. I was devastated until a friend said to me "When I see a woman devastated by a cheating man, I just think That will never be me ...

Anniepops sounds like my husband -throwing me carrots sticks!

Anniepops - lovely post.

My heart goes out to you as I was in a similar situation to you 13 years ago (minus a baby on the way). For six weeks I was led to believe a separation was all my fault for working too hard at my job, when in truth whenever my ex husband threw a bone, I was always there running. I was eventually to discover myself that my ex was living part time with another woman, and had been doing so for at least five years. Things were about to explode as he had lost his job. The silly man pretended to work away part of the week. At the time I felt I was living in a soap opera. My daughter pulled me from my fog and with her help plus advice from a friend at work, I ventured into a solicitor's office. Talk about head and heart in battle as I was so mixed up and it didn't help that my ex would throw in the odd carrot, telling me how much he missed my voice etc. This was all to try and keep me under his control. It was the worst time of my life but I look back and I am so proud of what I did. Following on from my divorce I met and married the kindest man. I am not used or manipulated and have the emotional and financial security I always craved. I had a really good job and often wondered during my first marriage why we always seemed to be broke and in debt. I totally trusted my ex and believed him to have the same morals, loyalty and family values as me. How wrong I was to be working so hard to maintain his affair, affairs? If I were you Denil I would get to that solicitor and end this marriage and show that man you are not to be disrespected and are a treasure that he has now lost through his own stupidity. I wish you strength and hope for a much happier future. Life will get better, believe me.

He says she made it up.
Is there any chance that's true? Any way of finding out?

I don't suppose the fact that you had family staying caused the problem. He probably pretended they were the reason he wanted to live elsewhere for a while and it was a total windfall for him being handed the excuse! Good thing you stayed loyal to your daughter, because hopefully she will stick by you through this.

Its horrible to see the life you'd planned come crashing down around you.

Denil, I've been where you are now and can empathise with the constant nausea and anxiety. Don't try to eat a meal, stick to nutritious snacks like yoghurt and soup through the day, but do try to eat something.

By keeping the truth from you, your husband is making it more distressing for you. It seems to me that you need to stabilise the situation by taking charge a bit. Begin to make a plan. Assess your financial situation; look at your resources to see what your options are in terms of housing and finances. It may shock him into focusing on the issues.

When your marriage is falling apart it feels very scary and fears of an uncertain future are very real, but do you really want to hang onto this person who hurts and deceives you? Don’t allow fear to make your decisions. He was seeking happiness elsewhere and you are left reeling trying to understand what went so wrong.

For most of us, the key to survival at times like these is to step back, take a deep breath, and regain our composure. Then we can decide what course of action to take. Counselling helps, as a trained professional may help to put things into perspective. Your GP can refer you. Talking to objective family and friends can also help.

Although the process of realization takes a while, it begins to dawn on you that you don't have to go on living with the lies and deceit.

I think if we can accept that we did our best to honour our part of the marriage vows, we will eventually have closure. Without that, we are left to grieve, relive old memories to the point when you feel your head will explode and remain connected to this person who has betrayed you and the vows he made.

You truly deserve better. xx

I think she plans to keep the baby from what she told me.
I met him yesterday for coffee. He denies everything. Won't admit to a thing. Says she made it up.
His parents clearly don't know whatis going on.
I met him when I was nearly 42. I didn't want more children plus he was an alcoholic - my miscarriages were with my 1st husband - this is my 2nd marriage and he always knew I did not want to try again with my history.
I feel constantly sick. Not eating or sleeping and just in a dream

He moved in October and met her in November and by beginning of Jan she is already pregnant. What is he saying about baby? If you had tried for a child together many times and miscarried maybe he thought he wanted a baby at any cost, even if it meant with someone else and risked losing you. He does not sound like a nice person and is obviously devious and untrustworthy. You have not done anything wrong he has. Do not let him break you. Think through could you forgive him or not? He has asked OW to marry him. If no then take control by speaking to solicitor and if you do decide to seek divorce make sure you do it in your own time and on your terms. Take comfort in your own dd and ask her for support at this difficult time.