Reluctant dancer

Can you have a quiet word with your teacher? She could teach him that a good dancer is one who makes their partner look/feel good. On Strictly, the professionals can do much more than their partners, but their target is to make their partner look good. Or is it possible togo at a different time?

I would be inclined to tell him that ballroom dancing just is,nt for you and find another hobby/pastime of your own that you actually enjoy doing. I think you both need the same enthusiasm for doing this, and the dance steps are going to become even more complicated the more he learns! It does sound like an endurance test for you going with him dancing so have the conversation sooner rather than later.

Gordonbennett
Is there any thing else you two enjoy together other than dancing?

Oh ditch his dancing and go line dancing with some girls and have some fun
I ve got two left feet and it would be hell for me so can quite see where you re coming from
Let him do the obsessive stuff you have fun

There's always a compromise, tell him you're not happy about the way he is with you when dancing, it should be a good experience for both of you not just for him. Then decide whether you want to continue or not and consider carefully the reasons for continuing, for his happiness and your relationship, or for yourself.

I think step 1 should be to tell him you just don't enjoy dancing with him, step 2 find a dance activity to go to without him, step 3 have a serious think about whether you enjoy being with him when you're not dancing. Step 4 decide what you will do after taking step 3. Personally I would step away from him!

I don't think the dancing is the problem with the OH but the symptom.

I wonder what your long term plans are? When you retire will you do more activities together? Possibly live together?

His behaviour is selfish and uncaring. Can you be sure that it is, and only ever would be, confined to dancing? If so, would you happy for him to have another partner who meets his standard?

He tells me I CAN dance but don’t put in any effort to learn. Maybe I don’t because I don’t like dancing with him, and THAT is the real problem here.

He would go dancing every day, which is great if that’s your thing. It’s not mine. I wouldn’t stop him as life is too short to not do what you love. However, dancing is quite intimate, and I imagine that could be quite damaging to a relationship. There’s nothing I can do about that though, it’s his life.

I’ve told him I won’t be going again, said it a zillion times before but this time I mean it. I’ve really had enough now.

GB does he tell you how he gets on with the other partners is he happy as to how they perform or not and would he dare criticise either of them, I think not somehow.
I would be worried about the time when you retire and this man may be around you a bit more with his unflattering comments,something I would really think about .

GB If you want to dance but not with him, you could try Ceroc. You don't have to go with a partner and you dance with different people.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P7Igr81DEg

I wonder if he feels a bit inferior because he has retired and you are still working so he likes to put you down a bit.
It's all about dancing together and what works as a couple.

Janeainsworth's video of Ceroc looks fun. Why not try that or some other, less 'twosome focussed' dance class?
Hobbies should be enjoyable and you're getting nothing out of the present relationship.
I'd ditch him if he continued to whittle away my confidence and made the outings unpleasant.
Why not ask your dance teacher for her honest opinion about your partnership as far as dance goes?
I wouldn't waste any more time trying to alter his perception of himself and his relentless pursuit of perfection.
He'll never be Victor Fung.
Good luck and have fun.

I know what I would do. I would ditch dancing with him once I week and find myself a dance teacher who is prepared to teach me, at my pace. Then when I felt more confident, I would start to go with him again and show him how good I was. Then I'd dump him because no-one should be made to feel like you obviously do. Good luck.

Dancing should be fun. As you learn more slowly than your partner, and he cannot accept that, I don't think he is the right dance companion for you. find someone else.

Don't try the folk dancing! The only time I went to a Folk Dance club was purgatory. It was full of very earnest folk, who tutted every time you put a foot out of place. My friend and I got the giggles, and were met with stony silence. We never went back. I think it was Sir Thomas Beecham who said "One should try everything except incest and folk dancing" 'Nuff said!

"One should try everything except incest and folk dancing" 'Nuff said!

Love this

Sadly dancing isn’t fun. I’ve tried, left for a while, tried again, he got better and backed off a bit, but it’s far from enjoyable. It makes me feel very inadequate, and I don’t have much self esteem to begin with.

glamma I doubt very much he would criticise anyone else. They are all a higher dance standard than him anyway, I don’t see these people to ask their opinions, but I guess if you’re a higher standard there won’t be any criticism would there?

I watch the clock whenever we go dancing, I can’t wait for it to be over, doesn’t bode well does it

He sounds quite obsessional and controlling - not good qualities to have in a partner!

I would be waltzing away.

Hmm - you don’t actually say what you like about this man .... and by the way MoJive is much more fun than ballroom ?

Another possible thing to check out is branches of the Royal Scottish Country Dance Society near you. There are branches all over the world. Some branches have classes for different levels. You dance with a different person for every dance and it is very social.

He isn’t a bad bloke, but he can be ‘pushy’ where I feel I’m doing things for his sake, even though I don’t want to, hence the dancing.

I have called him controlling at times, which he vehemently denies. I’m a tough cookie so he doesn’t get away with much. However, the dancing is obsessional and I’m doing it for him not me, I’d be happy to do that if he made it enjoyable but he doesn’t.

I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable feeling the way I do, as I said before, most women would love their partners to go dancing, I dread it

Life a too short to do things you don’t enjoy. Yes, we have to make an effort for partners, however, when it becomes like your situation, honesty is the best way forward ?

GordonBennett I don't think you'll find a queue of women lining up to spend their leisure time getting 'told off' for not dancing properly. Go one more time and tread on his toes!

Don't go!! Why on earth would you. It sounds horrible.

Constant grumbling about your abilities Gordonbennet or criticism to you which seems overwhelming and undermining, is a thing in a relationship that its best to avoid.

A relationship should sometimes or even mostly, make you feel good about yourself. Rational, asked for feedback is part of a positive loving relationship, along with kindness when perhaps we prove not to be good at everything, all the time.