Really really sad

I would let it go,don't cause family tension and risk becoming estranged over something which in the scheme of things is quite trivial.You have grandchildren that love you,let it go.

Good advice Day6.

I can understand how this hurts you.

Even though it was 20 years ago, she is 'the other woman' who in effect broke up your marriage. I wouldn't have warmed to her in 20 years either.

And yes, they are YOUR children, not hers who have given you grandchildren so for them to call her Nana too is bound to affect you.

However, they are children and you cannot poison their minds to her, and if you take off and move away you really do cut off your nose to spite your face. If you move away, you'll lose out on seeing more of your children and grandchildren.

I think you have to play 'the better woman' (for want of a better phrase) in this situation. Children don't discriminate and you cannot ask them not to love their Grandad and other Nana. You cannot dictate to your children either, even though you are in a sensitive situation.

If it is any consolation, little children tend to use the same name for all their grandmothers until they are about five and can differentiate btwn the women concerned.

Just enjoy your grandchildren. You cannot control the situation. I do understand how you feel and it's hard but you have to be the grown up in all this and just enjoy the children while they are young. You'll create divisions if you make demands. They love you just as much as their other Nana.

Wow am with mawbroon on this not being allowed to see my only 3 Grandaughters wouldn't care what they called me!

Please don't overreact to this enjoy what you have, sorry for your ex husbands betrayal though?

Glad you're feeling a bit better, crazy. Hopefully everything will come right for you.

maw

You sound much calmer and more rational crazyH I imagine your OP was a cri de coeur.
Don’t do anything rash.

Well, that was horrible crazyH and disloyal.

I hope you can come to some decision and that it doesn't involve anything too drastic like moving away. Your DGS obviously loves you and he doesn't understand.

Love some of the comments here ..... "knitting needles at dawn", Cell Block H.....brought on a chuckle. I do agree, I should get over the "affair", but without going into detail, it was hell, and this woman played a big part in it.....she was our friend.
Forgot to mention, I did tell the family how I felt. They had to know ....I am their mother....it's not going to change anything, but .....
I am keeping out of their way at the moment and so are they. I want a few days to sit back and think.
You have certainly helped . Mawbroom, thanks for reminding me, that there are many GP here who are estranged from their AC and don't see their GC .... it's so sad ....yesterday I felt I just wanted to go away but today I feel better. Thankyou again for the advice and the chuckles xx

I think so, it was a while ago now.

Tegan2 I am so sorry that you went through that.

I do think, though, that the OP would make herself more unhappy in the long run by cutting herself off from her family over this.

PS try bereavement for being ripped apart.

Fair enough tegan but life can only go in one direction - forwards

I don’t think you should over worry, it is just a name. I understand that the history of the affair is hurtful, but I really don’t think your children meant to be disloyal.

Children have a way of distinguishing between GPS and will most likely come up with nick-name for you. Our children had Nanny-with-the-cat and Nanny-with-the-Dog.

I hope you don’t mind me adding a light-hearted note but after the dog died my mum got a new nick-name. She had remarried and became Nanny-with-the-Roy.

Is nina1959 the same Nina who on another thread has referred to researching estrangement and publishing a book about it?

You don't feel jealousy when your husband has an affair. You feel as if you are being ripped apart. Can I just ask people on this forum who have not gone through a marriage break up to understand that. I never understood until it happened to me .

I just said on another thread that DH had knocked over my glass of this evening so I only had one sip.
Perhaps I need to open another bottle
I'm fine, thanks, GN does help you to develop a thicker skin!

I've been called some things, but old?
Really!

Have one of these and some of these

Hope you’re not feeling too bruised jalima

Gosh, that's a lot of anger there. I hope the OP doesn't let it set her off on an unwise, damaging path.

Maw

Chin up crazyH and I hope some of the suggestions re names will be helpful to you.

Call me naïve, but this seems a straightforward enough question (the clue is in the uestion mark) to me.

What do you ladies think ?

And it seems quite a lot of us share the opinion that for her own sake, OP should perhaps look at how she is dealing with something which happened 20 years ago and not make herself even unhappier by threatening to move away.

Getting crowded in this cell?

Wow

Don't bother replying. I'm signing out.

Message deleted by Gransnet.

Absolutely MissAdventure.

The thing that comes through is an overriding jealousy which the OP has not come to terms with after 20 years. I'm sure the rest of the family would be astonished as they probably did not do this deliberately to cause hurt.