Sadness losing long term friend

I think sometimes our lives just go in a different direction from our friends .We have had friends for 40 years who we always spent a lot of time with ,,but looking back it was usually us who made arrangements ,cooked meals booked tickets etc.Now that life for us is a more complex with a sick daughter and 4 GC that we care for we rarely see those "friends" despite saying pop in anytime .It would appear that unless we are happy to go on with the old routine of running after them then they are happy to let the friendship die.For a while it bothered me ,but I have a lot more to worry about than a couple who think the world should revolve around them .If you can look closely at how your friendship played out you might find a reason why your "friend" has behaved like this,its sad but its not the end of the world.You'll get over it in time and find a new focus in life I'm so sorry about your D I hope you manage to make contact with her and sort the problems .

Lucklegs will try see that on catchup ! Thanks for lovely email I have replied??x

Thanks so much ladies.

I think I have to just let it go and see if maybe she does regret it at some point,

It's dh birthday on 19th shenwas alwasy reliable card pres, but doubt will this year.

I think we had drifted apart, and I said things in anger when we went try offer olive branch before Xmas i.e. Roses, I wasn't felt good and she was quite rude, I had to sit on stairs as she was too busy offer us seat (decoration tree) mmm
Similar her husband kept us standing when we delivered their Xmas gifts.
I guess it's shock after so many years, but her godchildren are everything to her not having kids of her own and I feel losing our daughter her godchild didn't help.
There were other problems years ago I won't say on public forum but we overcame it all,

Still for moment I have to let it go,
Thanks again all of you.

I agree there must be more to it than the meal and wish she could have talked to us properly. It was so rude to leave us standing she knows I can't stand long after my surgery also,

I’m sorry that you are so upset right now celebgran as any breakdown in any relationship is hard to cope with. In my experience these breaks don’t happen overnight and are rarely about one thing. Like marriages, long term friendships need nurturing and care and shouldn’t be taken for granted. Sometimes we plod along doing the same old things, saying the same old stuff as though on automatic pilot without realising that something isn’t right. It sounds like your friend is still very angry but I’d give her some space and perhaps try again in a few months time. Take it gently, you never know, she might miss you too. Good luck

That's a shame celebgran but sometimes there is no going back. You had a long friendship but sounds as if it was not without its problems, new friends don't have the history we have with friends of long standing so it's hard when we lose this.
It happened to me as well and though I tried to keep contact things just faded away.
I hope you feel happier soon

Celeb I have been pondering this one as 30 years ago I walked away from a long term friendship , though I did make clear to my friend why I was doing that. It was hard but necessary for my own sake. She was a very needy person with many problems, and no matter how hard I tried, how much help and advice I gave nothing ever changed and in fact things just got worse. My time was being completely taken up to the detriment of my own healthy state of mind and my family. Then she did something very selfish and thoughtless and for me it was the final straw. I wrote to her and told her that I was moving on, that I was sad it had come to this, repeated some key advice, wished her well ...and struggled for a while to stick to my guns when she sent flowers and cards because in my heart I knew nothing would change! I did contact her to say please move on , repeated my point of view, but she was unable to acknowledge my perspective on anything atall really, so it was impossible for me to consider a rapprochement.
I am not in anyway at all suggesting that your friend feels as I felt or that you have behaved in your friendship as my friend did! Just that maybe it is not one upset over a meal that is at the root of the problem, that seems unlikely after such a long friendship. If you feel there are other things beyond the one incident then an acknowledgment of that in a letter is probably the only thing that just might bring about a reconciliation but in my heart of hearts I don't hold out much hope.

I am so sorry this has happened to you and truly hope that you can move on. I am sorry that your friend has not been brave enough to tell you the reasons for her decision as that helps the moving on process.

On BBC yesterday afternoon' there was a programme called Moving On, about the end of a 40 year friendship. It bears no resemblance to what happened to you Celebregran but showed that sometimes for different reason we become different people. I think perhaps, after trying so hard to make up and being rebuffed, she is not the friend you used to have. It is another rejection after your daughter and I quite understand how you feel, but you must let it go because it will eat away at you.?

Thank you both I sent concilliatory texts but they were ignored,

I wondered about writing but do,wonder sad as it is if she can be so,unkind when she knew I was low time call it a day

Thanks again for responding

If you are really sorry about it and do still wish contact, how about writing to her and saying your sorry you have upset her and you don't want to fall out. If on the other hand you too feel the friendship has run its course then you could leave it. People do change over the years and once close friends can be lost along the way. Sorry you've been upset.

How very sad, I am so sorry. I have not experienced losing a friend of such long standing, so I cannot really say much, just feel for you xx