Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

Well I’m a perfect example of having my son estrange himself for what he said was his own fault and nothing we did. He came back into our lives after a year estrangement and then walked back out after six months. Perhaps our lives are revolving doors in some respect as people come and go. But to have a child go in and out of that door is so painful. I am not the person I used to be because of it.

Smileless, I owe you an apology for an exchange of comments elsewhere. Please excuse me for leaving it here. I apologise.

Thank you gummybears.

That's so true Sparkly it's good to find others who are living with estrangement, who truly understand and are prepared to accept that sometimes it has nothing to do with how they raised their AC. That this can happen through no fault of their own.

Everyone I'm sure experiences the revolving door of life Rhinestone. Friends and some family members who come and go but you never expect one of those people to be your own child.

I wonder if any of these EC ever consider that the door only revolves in one direction; out and that if they decide years down the line they've made a mistake, that there's no way back.

Rhinestone we are all sadly changed by estrangement, Smileless it is. Good not to feel alone about having been left alone.

Have a good weekend everyone

I would never close that door and say there is no way back, it would depend on many factors, which we have discussed.
The age of EC, Control etc. If they are truly sorry after how ever many years, who could turn their back, I couldn't. The point is we have all been estranged because they went no contact as they saw no other way of dealing with whatever problems they had. I have told you about my best friend, whom I loved, but she was not a good mil, she turned up unannounced once, after the son and wife had worked all day, once let herself in with the key she had when they went on holiday and had held on to, she went in their cupboards, baked sons favourite chocolate cake, put a meal in the oven and did their ironing. Dil was furious, when son mentioned it his mom, she went ballistic, calling Dil selfish and controlling, friend just saw it as saving them a lot of work. She couldn't see she was in the wrong. War broke out, Dil demanded key back and they were estranged until the day my friend died, who was broken hearted but still maintained she had done nothing wrong. My friends sons marriage eventually broke down, his wife had the children, she used to go round to the house demanding to see her grandchildren, she had a right she said, she cried so many tears... My friend would do anything for everyone, her door was always open, yet she couldn't see the view that Dil found her interfering and opinionated. Couldn't and wouldn't apologise if she was in the right. She would take on any cause and fight to the end and I admired that, still miss her.
I know at times I must have done something wrong, which I was ignorant of, perhaps I too hadn't listened. I tend to back off from confrontation, I am more worried about interfering. We could not have deep conversations, I tried many times to find out where I had gone wrong, it was met either with tight lips, saying nothing or anger telling me to butt out. Which I did, after years of it. I have missed so much like all of you on here. There are reasons for estrangement, as there are reasons for being kept in the dark about those reasons. I think there comes a time, when you let go. Not that you don't care but it is so pointless flogging a dead horse. It will never change until they instigate it. Those of you with partners or another child have something else to focus on. The child that does care and their children, although as grandchildren get older you don't get to see them often anyway. I am just a small part of their lives, but a loved one.

Yes Luckylegs those of us that have another child(ren) who do care are fortunate. It must be terrible for this to happen with an only child or all children.

A lot cooler here today but clear blue sky and. I'm popping round to the girls to help them with some painting. Mr. S. was out last night so they came round to keep me company and treated me to a takeaway and a bottle of.

Enjoy your weekend ladies.

I am becoming increasingly convinced my son has been directly intrumental in turning his children and their mothers against me. For instance, the one who he had completely ignored until he was 18 who had managed to trace me while looking for his father, and who was very talkative and friendly towards me while we were trying to persuade my son to actually contact him, within a week of meeting his father for the first time suddenly stopped contacting me or replying to me and has blanked me ever since. The 4 year old whose mother I had tried very hard to get on with both before and after they split up, every time we were getting on really well she'd tell me that my son told her I said something really insulting about her so she gradually stopped talking to me too - I guess she found it hard to believe he'd just make these things up!! The thing is I couldn't possibly have said anything bad about her to him as he's not spoken to me for ages, but she doesn't believe that.

My daughter (who my son does still see occasionally) has tried asking what the problem with me is on several occasions and he just brushes it off with a "you wouldn't understand" and won't talk about it. This strikes me as a weird reply since they were only 2 years apart in age and grew up together and if she can't understand then no one could! He confides in her about all sorts of other things.

That's awful Readymeals that your son treats you this way and now his own son, your GS especially as it looks as if you were instrumental in bringing them into contact with one another.

Your son sounds like our ES's wife I'm sorry to say. There's simply no way you can deal with a liar and no way of proving that they're lying in situations like this.

His reply that you find weird IMO demonstrates that he has no justification for his behaviour. If the fault were yours and "he confides in her about all sorts of other things" why not about this?

When our ES was attempting to indoctrinate our DS with his lies, I told him that believing a lie doesn't make it the truth, and disbelieving the truth doesn't make it a lie.

It must have been heartbreaking to lose your GS once again after such a short reconciliation. I'm so sorry.

Thank you Smileless, at least I have the comfort of knowing I am not alone in this situation, as this thread demonstrates. And I am fortunate to have my daughter and her gorgeous little boy.

Welcome Readymeals and hopefully all of us have something that is a blessing, besides the estrangment.

Ready meals, what a truly dreadful situation for you. You can shut your door on a thief but not a liar, is a very true saying. Surely both his partners know themselves, that he is a liar! He is hardly likely to change now. I would write a letter to all those affected without bad mouthing your son, just explain all you have ever wanted was a relationship with them, you live and miss them, you gave never said a bad word about them, if you gave anything to say you deal directly with that person, but it has never been necessary. The most important thing is that you don't and won't ever lie or try to manilulate them in any way. You will always be there for them. Then leave it. They must all know the truth really. As for your son, what a sad man he has become, he seems full of bitterness ans cadets people including his own mother so casually. I am so glad you have a lovely daughter and grandson. They are there for you.?

Ps I am sick of this thing changing h for g even a paragraph latter. Sosorrybaboutvthevtypos, I did check as I was going, still they crept in.

It's annoying isn't it Luckylegs, you read your post before posting and as soon as it's on the thread you spot a typo or two.

A good post and good advice for ReadyMeals. I think the letter is a good idea ReadyMeals so maybe you could give it some thought.

Hope you all had a good weekend. We managed another BBQ last night with our girls. Yummy steaksbut I've told them once Mr. S. retires we'll be reduced to one sausage each.

They've said they might buy their own BBQ so for a change, Mr. S. can cook round at theirs.

We have a new addition to our familya 10 week old cockapoo. We went to 'look' yesterday and of course fell in love with her immediately so just had to bring her home.

Our little dog who is such a sweety has taken to her really well. Sharing his toys and running around with her. We've been thinking about getting another dog for ages but being a couple of softies, were worried about upsetting our little boy who is soooo precious.

So now the early mornings and toilet training have begun. She's very good, hasn't done anything yet that hasn't been on her training pad.

Just have to get her to 'go' outside now.

Thank you for the welcome everybody. I have been lurking for a while, just a bit worried at sharing things on a public forum.

My DD, whom I haven't seen for a year, but who keeps in touch by e-mail sporadically, has just taken on a second dog. I wonder if, when we are estranged, we are looking for something else to love and be loved by. A dog's love is like a parent's love - unconditional.

Morning Dolcelatte, you could be right there although we've always had pets. We now have 2 dogs, 1 cat and 2 guinea pigs.

My dearest and oldest friend came to stay a couple of weeks ago and when she saw me fussing over the gpigs she said a psychologist would have field day with me due to my need to have preferably small, warm and furry pets to love.

I believe the alternative name is 'emotional support animals'!

Good one Dolcelatte

Morning, it seems to have gone very quiet on here lately, I hope you are all ok. I would say and enjoying the Springtime but not very springy!

G'Morning all....yes Minty, it's gone rather quiet. I do pop in regularly, to see how everyone is doing and post occasionally. On my low days, I take comfort from the fact I am not alone.
Enjoy your Sunday...might go and do some weeding xx

Hi Minty. We've been busy with our new addition. So cute but a real handful. It's been so long since we had a puppy we'd forgotten what a handful they are.

We seem to be making some headway with toilet training. We've had a couple of bad nights, incessant barking for about 2 hours but thankfully our house is so big we can put her crate in another room so at least we can get some sleep.

Biggest shock for me? Getting up at 6.00amhaven't done that for a few years I can tell you.

Hope you all have a good Sunday[roast chicken]

Hi Smileless
Friends suggested I get a puppy for company, but with my various allergies I decided not to...I suffer from a lung condition so decided not to.
Good luck with your new addition xx

I rather liked the idea of companion/assistant robots like in the TV series "Humans".

Might try that Readymeals ?

Have you thought about a dog that doesn't shed crazyH, a poodle for example. Most allergies are caused by the irritation of shedding fur.

at least companion/assistant robots wouldn't need house training ReadyMeals.