Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

Hi everyone, I truly hope that the unwanted posts cease from now on. I rarely come on this thread now because whilst I was suffering from rarely being allowed to see my grandchildren last year (I’m sure many of the long lasting posters will remember my anguish) we are no longer out of touch, and our situation is resolved happily, thank goodness. For this reason I have ENORMOUS sympathy for all the grans who are estranged and so occasionally I check in to see how you’re all getting on, usually I don’t offer any comment though. However I have been so annoyed to see how one or two posters have been supporting estrangement that I felt I had to act. I hope no one minds my butting in so bluntly.

I have suffered not seeing my grandchildren, I know how it feels. Hopefully it won’t happen to me again.

‘There but for the grace of God go l’

One or two posters would do well to remember that, it’s very true.

Blessings to all who are estranged.

Smileless I think most of us have thought about Rosa. ”there but for the grace of God”. I am so very angry at the way the long winded know it all idiot dismissed her. I truly hope she is coping somehow. Rosa if you are still reading, PM Smileless or any one of us, if only to let us know you’re managing. We do care, and if you can bring yourself to post again, I promise you will be protected, as well as supported

Gorgeous day here, so I’m taking my kindle in the garden, and not moving! My home and garden have meant the world to me for over fifty years, and given comfort through many losses. Much much happiness too though. Every tree, bush and flower holds a lovely memory.

I’m so sad because my son has taken the first steps to end his marriage. Despite everything, this is the last thing I wanted. It need never have got to this stage, there was enough love to go round. I can’t even feel happy that I might finally get to see my granddaughter, although that will change I guess. I’m just staying in the moment for now, who knows how things will go. Given the previous bitter rejection of me from my daughter-in-law, and her possessive behaviour over the little one, I really can’t see this going amicably.

I do know how very lucky I am to have never lost my sons love and respect, which is why I don’t post a great deal. I don’t want to seem smug. Right now though, I’m just so bloody sad.

Geez I thought you all got rid of the plague but I see it still lurks.
Ignore the plague,skip over the post and if there is no reaction it will leave.

I made some progress I think. Yesterday was our Mother’s Day in the states.I was with my DH, mother, DD and her two children. I did not receive a call from ES and I didn’t cry either nor did I dwell on it. I didn’t have any expectations of hearing from him so I wasn’t disappointed.

Well done Rhinestone

It's sad when a marriage ends IrishRose, our DS's came to an end 6 months ago. Thankfully there are no children involved which is a blessing.

It's wonderful that despite all he was going through and the pressure he was under that he refused to give up his love and respect for his parents.

Rhinestone I was thinking about you yesterday as another forum I'm on is based in the States so I knew yesterday was Mother's Day for you. I was going to put a post on but honestly, how can a little puppy be sooo much work and sooo exhausting. A little late but somefor you.

I'm glad you didn't cry or dwell on not hearing from your ES. You've made some definite progress; well done.

Just a thought but might it be worth all of you emailing GNHQ to ask them to contact Agnurse directly, and to formally ask her jot to comment on this particular forum? She seems to have done so much damage, and is clearly taking no notice of your polite requests to leave you all alone, and i wonder if an en mass email from you all, via GNHQ, might do the trick? Just a thought.....

I doubt it will make any difference Chewbacca.

I've been posting on the estrangement support threads for more than 5 years and this is nothing new.

It's difficult not to react at some of the ill informed rubbish that agnurse is coming out with; probably best ignored but TBH I find it very hard to do so especially when her remarks put off those who need this thread for the support and friendship that's to be found here.

Hi ladies I think the best advice is ignore the provokers,are they really worth your attention- I think not.
Dontaskme I like your style.

maddyone I am so glad things have eased for you...

Chewy nice to see you on this thread, thank you for your supportive suggestion.

IrishRose76

Morning ladies. A successful day with the puppy yesterday, first day with no indoor accidentswhich I used to comfort me this morning at 2.00 am and 5.00 am when I had to get up to let her out.

At least it's not the middle of winter and I can leave the door open most of the time. If any of you are thinking about getting a puppy, I'd strongly recommend not to get one in the winter months.

We're taking her to her first puppy party this evening.
Mr. S took her out to meet some children who live just up the road and have been desperate to meet her.

Their puppy was jumping at at her and she wasn't best pleased. It would be nice if she could see that our other dog doesn't want her doing that to him all the time. It'll be interesting to see how she reacts to a room full of puppies.

Have a good day everyone.

Thank you Sparkly, I hope and pray you will all have a better outcome eventually.

Thank you for trying to stop Agnurse from making things worse not just for me but for everyone else in here. I have had a very traumatic life, so losing my children has been almost the straw that breaks the camels back.

I am in contact with Doctor, Mental Health Team etc. I have several health issues which do not help in this matter - & yes I DO have mental health issues - but then most people would if they had walked in my shoes.

People reach out in a group like this, because they are lonely, you can't talk to friends, doctor, etc. all the time about the same things that are going around in circles in your head - so talking in a forum such as this gives a broader support group to help with certain issues.

I miss both of my children so much I have removed the huge photograph of the 3 of us as looking at it everyday in the living room was causing me more harm than good.

I am working on my issues through various courses online - Mindfulness, MBSR, CBT & psychology in the hope that I will understand myself better, & become trained to help others.

RosaS,

For what its worth, I think your attitude to your troubles is admirable, its very hard sometimes in the judgemental world we live in to acknowledge ANY emotional trauma, without some sort of opinionated backlash.

Good luck with everything X

Thanks for the welcome and support CrazyH, and NorthernS.

So kind of you too Smileless! I cant tell you what a relief it was to have such thoughtful kind non judgemental posts!!!

As you know from your experiences its very cold in NC/semiNC land. It can often feel so isolating it makes my head spin.

One of my parents recently died and I would akin the NC experience to a bereavement.

Had a disturbed night just worrying again. Lost my lovely
AC don't think things will improve much from here on in. Such intransigence.....

Thanks again for understanding Xx

I am so pleased to hear from you Rosa. You have my total respect and admiration for the way you are tackling your health problems....both physical and mental....with professional help.

Remember though, there are times when you may just need to rant. Or maybe read and compare your problems with others, or even just feel part of a group of people who fully understand what you are suffering. That’s where the lovely ladies here come in..x Rose x

Namsnanny Happy to see you posting too. When I read posts like your first one, and Rosa’s, I think....how in God’s name do some people not recognise the genuine fear and pain that so many grandparents are suffering. Not only that but these people then compound it by spouting ”learned” dogma that has no relevance to what is being shared.

Keep posting. x Rose x

Just come in from the garden, which perks me up and wears me out.....perhaps I'll sleep a little better now! Took my frustration out on the lily beetle(s)!!! Luckily their beautiful red colour stands out from the green leaves, but the blighters move quickly and drop out of sight! Still, gave me something else to vent my misery onto!

Hope anyone else who has their mind set on where when and how, has an outlet too.

Don't let the B's get you down!!

RosaS welcome and good luck with your healing journey.

It’s a hard road and coming on here and seeing that our pain is not unique nor strange, is a Support.

Thank you maddyone..

Thanks IrishRose,
Yes how do they not see?.....its a different world now, any point of view different from the perspective of their peer groups norm, is up for criticism. Frankly not even considered it seems.

There's a phrase I always liked 'We can agree to differ.'
But that's not possible in the situation known as NC is it?

Look forward to reading more of your posts too.....seriously cant tell you how finding some common sense somewhere in the world (well virtual anyway!!) is so great.

I'm sure this has been said many times before here, but when something, anything you've put your heart into fails its as if there is no meaning in your world. Your turned inside out, left defenceless, lost to the bewildering topsy turvy-ness of being found surplus to requirements!

God knows its hard enough in normal situations when AC's leave the nest for pastures new, let alone when one is actively pushed out of what was previously thought to have been a loving relationship.

Anyway, waffle over X

How wonderful it was to come on here and see that you've posted Rosa and Namsnanny.

I've said this many times on the estrangement threads IrishRose but what the hell, I'll say it again. IMO the reason we get such vitriolic know it all posts from some who have no idea what it's like to be CO by your own AC, falls into 2 categories.

Either the poster has CO their own parents or p's.i.l. and are trying to justify the behaviour or if what we say is true, if we really aren't bad people, but good and loving parents, well if it can happen to us it could happen to them. I think it's more often the latter.

TBF we do get posts from non estranged P's and GP's who are understanding and sympathetic but it's awful how just one can deter those who need the care and support that is available here.

Namsnanny being CO by your own child is referred too as a living bereavement. You mourn the loss of a much loved child but how do you grieve for someone still living?

Rosa I understand why you've removed that photograph. We have no photo's of our estranged son on view and the few that we have of our eldest GC who we haven't seen since he was 8 months old have been put away.

We have none of his brother; we've never seen him.

We are all on the same painful journey and all at different stages. What we share is the true understanding of what it's like to lose an AC and in many instances GC because we're no longer wanted.

Let's hope that we've seen the last of the disruption and unpleasantness of the past week or so and will be allowed to do what this thread is for; to care for and support one another.

for all my dear GN friends on this thread; new and old.

Morning, I hope you are as well as you can be. It is important to look after yourselves,both physically and mentally. Just keep supporting one another, just knowing you are not alone is a powerful thing.

Yes Minty it makes a world of difference knowing that you're not alone.

Well I wasn't going too but I watched the wedding and rather enjoyed it. I thought she looked beautiful and they looked really happy.

It was quite moving to see so many well wishers had taken to the streets to catch a glimpse and wish them well.