Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

Yogagirl I thought I was in a dreadful place and having read your post realise there are others, like yourself, who are suffering too. I feel for you so much. Life can be cruel.

?this is for anyone who has not received a gift and feels low today.

Thank you NanKat xx

Morning ladies and welcome NanKate.

Our lovely girls are cooking me Mothers Day dinner today, isn't that lovely.

K's mum and dad live some distance away and S's mum although local, doesn't get out much now.

I remember that first MDay after being estranged, it was heartbreaking but it doesn't bother me now. It isn't MDay in Aus. until May and without his wife to remind him, DS is bound to forget, well I mean he can't even remember the year he was born.

The more I think about your post the other day joannab the more I think you're right; I think we do just get used to it to a certain extent don't we.

Have a good day everyone.

How lovely Smileless I'm sure you'll have a very enjoyable meal together. What lovely girls they are.

Men aren't good at sending cards etc. especially if it's on a different day to UK where they live. When I lived in Holland it was in May too, same as USA.

I have my two classes this morning/afternoon, then going to my DD for Mother's Day dinner, cooked by the man of the house .

To all Mums who won't be receiving flowers or cards this morning, you were, and are and always will be Mum. Please spoil yourselves today if you can. (flowers)

I obviously don't have square brackets!

oh yes I do!

Lol, well done Minty & thank you xx

NanKate sorry your sad circumstances have found you here but you are quite welcome and I hope this support thread will help you.

Another Mothers Day almost over and yes Smileless I do think we just get used to it.

Hoping everyone here got through the day ok, all done for another year now.

Thank you Minty and [joannab]

Survived the day by thinking of all the mothers amongst my friends and family and the wonderful mothering we all have given our children, and also I thought of the wonderful mothering as a child I received from mother, grandmothers and aunts.

I posted on my FB page;

''Wishing all the women everywhere who mother and care for others with love''.

SparklyGrandma, what a lovely sentiment.

Thank you Minty

You say some lovely things Sparkly.

We enjoyed a lovely meal cooked by our girls and they bought me a card and flowers.

Thank you Smileless ...

I hope everyone had as lovely a MDay as possible, even if it was just pleasant and with no disharmony or sad memories.

Nan, I'm so sorry about what you and yours are going through. Once the divorce is behind DS though, I'm sure he'll have ample visitation and will share some of that time w/ you.

Beautiful FB post, Sparkly!

Thank you so much Starlady I do appreciate your kind words.

I agree with what you say but our problem is that our DinL is on a go slow, it has taken since last September for her to sign the divorce papers my DS is still waiting for official confirmation. She says she hasn’t had time to put together her financial statement, but as she is away most weekends and many evenings with her boyfriend and buddies it is understandable why she finds so little time.

This past weekend after our two dear GSs were told of their parents’ divorce they were distraught and yet again she goes to a party whilst our DS is left to support the boys.

If I am truly honest I am worried about my son’s mental health in case he has a breakdown or worse.

Nan Kate

Oh dear Nankat support your Son as best you can and of course your GC too. Just keep in mind the future, when the divorce is final, you & your Son can breath a sigh of relief and get back to happier times. Good luck xx

What an unfeeling mother, DIL is, Nan! But that just tells me she wouldn't be very good at comforting the boys, anyhow! TG they have DS! I hope he goes for joint or full custody.

I agree w/ Yoga. Please be as supportive of DS and GC as you can (w/o antagonizing DIL, of course, as that could backfire). The divorce may take longer than you'd like because DIL is dragging her feet - and because the courts, too, often drag cases out, I'm afraid. But, eventually, everything will fall into place. (((Hugs!)))

I truly feel for your poor GSs, Nan. But I know, in time, they'll adjust. Once their mother is free to move her BF in or whatever, maybe she'll stay at home more. Or perhaps they'll end up living w/ DS, for the most part, which might be better (as more stable environment). My heart is w/ them!

Starlady I think Nankat's Son wants to stay in the family home, with the boys,*NK*? As it's the d.i.l that's having the affair and therefore it's down to her the break down of the marriage, I think she should be the one moving out, and move in with the boyfriend. Yes Starlady the courts take a lot longer that you anticipate, unless you are very lucky and both sides pull there fingers out.

Morning everyone.
Just to say that even if you have Parental Responsibility and although in the eyes of the law you should be seeing your child/children, that is sadly not the reality for thousands of non resident parents. A resident parent will often not adhere to a Child Arrangement Order and there is rarely a consequence. If the resident parents doesn't turn up at the agreed time and place you are back to court.

Yes my DS wants to stay in the house and share the boys.

He is an author and writes in a studio in the garden. He says he couldn't just go and find an office and work there as his inspiration for his books have come from working in the garden for the last 10 ten years. It’s a creative thing.

He also walks the children to school every day whilst his wife leaves early for work. He tends to be the one looking after the boys if they are ill.

I hope a judge would take into account these points.

Let’s hope my DinL accepts the generous financial offer and
rides off into the sunset with her new man.

NanKate

Has you DIL given any indication that we wants the marital home?

As your son works from home and, as you say, looks after the children when they are ill might sway a judge to let things remain as they are, which would be considered in their best interests.

I have two close family members who have gone through Financial Settlements in Court. The thing to be very wary of is ‘blame’ for the breakdown of the marriage e,g, he/she went off with someone else etc. Judges do not make moral judgements.

Does your daughters boyfriend have his own property? There could be a possibility that she will move in with him.
The fact that she has dragged her heels over signing the divorce papers probably means she is not 100 percent sure she actually wants a divorce. Maybe a case of having her cake and eating it.

It’s so very hard, but if your son can come to an amicable arrangement re the house and childcare arrangements it will be so much better all round. The children staying with your son real

Oops, everything froze.

.....staying with your son really would seem the best option.
Hopefully the financial inducement he’s offering will persuade his wife the same.

Good luck and keep posting