Support for all who are living with estrangement (2)

Iam64*Yogagirl**Joannab*Thank you for your concern about the school shootings. Even if we are estranged from our GC we still worry about this issue. People are not interpreting the second amendment to our constitution correctly. We don’t need rapid firing guns to protect our property anymore. I worry about my fellow teachers and about our children. If Canada wasn’t so cold I would be ready to move.
Well I belong to a grandparent rights group on Facebook. The founder is someone I went to school with. He got laws passed which allow GP to see their GC if the parents are divorced or one of them has died. He told me to call him which I will. He said some states have GP rights even if the parents have no reason to keep their children estranged. I will let you know what he says.
SmilelessGlad catheter man has lost his hose so to speak. What a nightmare for a man.
Glad to see everyone on here and the posts are so helpful.

"He got laws passed which allow GP to see their GC if the parents are divorced or one of them has died."

Rhinestone - "allow GP to see" or "allow GP to petition to see their GC?" The former would mean the judge says, "Sorry, name-of-divorce(e), but you have to let the GP visit the GC. It's the law!" The latter would mean GP can file for visitation and that they stand a good chance of winning in court.

Smileless you missed out, you could have put a bet on with your son about his age, you’d have come out tops and in pocket !

Rhinestone of course we still worry about our estranged ones, we are mothers and grandmothers after all.

Let us know how you get on with your Grandparents Rights over there.

I agree, it’s good to drop by here now and then to read everyone’s posts, even through each of our personal sadness we are able to empathise and offer support to each other.

Yoga for me, it is only on reflection that I can now look back and see that it wasn’t as normal as I thought it was pre estrangement, the signs were there but I just didn’t see them.

joannab can I ask what sort of signs you now recognise as being there?

Oh dear Smileless only just seen your request for a slice of my and some singing birds, you had snow

Oh dear again Smileless I must admit I do put even my AC's age on my calendar now, my DD is 35 this year, my Son 32 and estD 29, 29 was my age when I had my first C, so I see it as special. I've had that too, were you give AC something important, that needs keeping safe and then they ask can I have....

Morning Rhinestone It's bad here too, with shootings & stabbings, seems every day on the news some poor young person has been killed, tragic!

Best of luck with getting visitation rights to see your dear GC R. Our law here really needs to change too, especially in my case where it's the stepdad cutting out the child's blood family.

Starlady Rhinestone is from the USA and the law is different to ours here in the UK.

Madgran My signs were, I thought, the settling down of my D&H after their big argument, I had no bad words with s.i.l, only hugs & kisses from my D. He had lost his job, so was at home when I made my usual visits, but he would dash up the stairs, still I didn't really clock it, I thought he was in a bad mood due to not having work. Looking back, I should have said to my D, that I'd pick her and the C up and bring them home to mine, with a visit to the park or seaside first, but I really had no idea what was about to happen If my D knew, she should have warned me.

Good Morning. Yoga girl this link might give you some info as far as the USA is concerned .http://www.aga-fl.org/grandparents_rights_alert_fl_2017-2018

Madgran, hard to put into words but a gradual distancing over a couple of years pre estrangement along with over analysing my every move to pick fault. I believe stirred up by my EAC’s spouse who just wanted me out I guess, it was fine before, yes, ups and downs but nothing out of the norm of any other family’s dynamics and squabbles.

StarladyAs I understand it if a child who is estranged dies or gets divorced and the GP are estranged from their GC then they have the right to file a petition with the court to see those GC. It is a form and we have a Friend if the Court division that handles anything to do with children. Each state is different and not all of them have this law. We do thanks to the lawyer I went to school with. But he told me to call him and we would talk
about my specific case. So on Monday I will call him. I doubt there is anything he can do for us but I do know anyone can ask for anything.

Feeling very, very low today......despite what happened at the Christening last Sunday, I thought I'd ask them over for dinner (because my son said he had taken this week off). And in order to lighten the mood I texted my son and asked him to come over with the children for some food, and added, not forgetting my "favourite" daughter inlaw ....No reply....must add that is not something they should take offence over, because my son himself joked at the christening about not putting his wife and me in the same room alone or something like that. What made him say that? What has she told him about me?
I hope you believe me when I say, she and I have NEVER had outright arguments. But there's this passive aggressive, cold war going on.....she has obviously been making up stories about me and thus alienating my son.
I am seriously thinking of talking to my son about the situation ....I will tell him about all her "digs" ...I will tell him everything....and either make or break, because I really don't know where I stand and I can't go on like this. How long can I keep biting my tongue. I am human after all.
They have gone away for the Mother's Day weekend ( purposely, I think)....might phone/email my son when they come back. I prefer writing than phoning.
Please ladies, HELP

My advice would be to leave it crazyH. Or at least accept that you may well lose whatever contact you do have, if you say anything to your son. From the remark he made about not being in the same room together, he is well aware of how things are anyway. You taking him aside and "complaining" to him will be like manna from heaven to her, and believe me she'll use it as ammunition ad infinitum. Jaysus, it's like bloody war at times.

What I have now done, is to tell both my lads - separately - that I wasn't prepared to be treated with so little respect from two women to whom I had offered nothing but friendship...love even. I didn't go into any more detail. I didn't need to, as fortunately they both accepted that my treatment had left a lot to be desired. We cried together, and it comforted me to know that we were at least singing from the same hymn sheet. I still have their love and respect. In time we all hope that they will be able to bring my grandchildren to see me, without WW3 breaking out.

I'm sure it will be harder for you as I believe you live close to your son. I was never going to have a really close relationship with the grand babies due to geography.

That's my way, it may not be yours. Follow your heart. Much love.

Thanks Irish Rose xx

joannab he wouldn't pay up, never does.

What you're describing is what happened with us crazyHand I'm so sorry but there really is nothing you can do accept hope and pray that your d.i.l. doesn't manage to alienate you from your son completely.

You see it doesn't make any difference. I never complained to our ES about his wife. To begin with he would say something like '.... said she saw you in town today and you deliberately ignored her' to which I'd reply, 'that's ridiculous' and he would say 'I know'. Bear in mind that this was when she was pregnant with their 1st child, our 1st GC.

As time went on, doubt began to creep in for eg. I had a difficult 'phone conversation with her and she told our ES that I put the 'phone down while she was still talking to me.

When I denied this he told me he was stood next to her, could hear her talking to me and then she stopped talking because I'd hung up on her. I remember word for word what my response to that was. "Not wishing to cause a problem ..... I do need to ask you a question. How do you know I was still on the 'phone at that point and hadn't already said good bye and hung up". He didn't respond but had that look on his face which was becoming more and more frequent; 's..t'.

When it gets too much and you feel as if you're at the end of your tether, tell us on here rather than saying anything to your son. That's what this thread and all of us are for.

It's great IrishRose that you were able to have that conversation with your sons and that they understood. Looking back I should have done the same thing because until she got total control of him, I know our relationship was strong enough to deal with that level of frankness.

I just didn't realise how much danger our relationship with our ES was in.

There was only one sign really for us Madgran. Who'd have thought thatfrom one person could destroy a relationship between a much loved son and his parents. 'Never underestimate the enemy' is all well and good but not much use when you don't realise who your enemies are.

Thanks for the link Minty x

CrazyH my advise would be; yes speak to your Son but don't list grievances against his wife, just say in a nut shell that you can feel she doesn't like you, say you do like her and ask your Son if he can possible smooth things over. Don't think it was a good idea to refer to her as your 'favourite' as you would have known you were being sarcastic. As for biting your tongue, keep biting it, if you want to continue seeing your S&GC, not so hard to do if you keep in mind the alternative is to loss them forever.
Good luck xx

Well said Smileless & good post Irishrose x

Thanks for the clarification, Rhinestone! Good luck on Monday! Please let us know what happens!

Smileless, it sounds as if edil is very manipulative and deceitful! I'm so sorry!

I wrote a week or so back about the dreadful divorce my DS is going through. What worries me is that when my DinL finally comes to the table to discuss the house and children (she has said 5 times she is not ready) whether she is more likely to get the house even though it is her who has had the affair and blatantly spends weekends with her new man. In addition my son works from home, he does creative work and feels his home is important to his work.

He has offered her a generous amount to go but that was last Sept and she still has not responded.

He has a solicitor and is going to a mediator (on his own as she says yet again she is not ready).

I know it is almost impossible to predict the outcome but people keep telling me the female usually gets to keep the house.

Our two wonderful GSs 7 and 5 were told today of their parents breakup and they were distraught. When will this dreadful nightmare end ?

Sorry to be such a moaner but I never thought it could get this bad. Our DinL said we could no longer help her with the boys when our son was away. So I have now joined this thread officially.

Sorry to hear about your sad situation NanKate and the imprnding divorce.

I think others here will join me in saying welcome, support is here for you

Happy Mothers Day
To all the good kind Mothers on here.

Is it a good idea to take a look at the treasured notes & cards from our lost AC I keep a bible by my bed with my darling little GD's sock sitting on top, left from when she & my D lived with me, inside is a little stick-it note saying For a special mummy, breakfast in bed, love from J with a big smiley face. When ever I go away, my bible with the little sock always comes with me.

The first Mother's Day after I was cut out was hard. The next day I went to the park that was adjacent to my GD's play school, the idea being, I would just say hello as they walked home, give them all a hug and a kiss and tell them how much I loved & missed them. In my head it all went well, and I could see this being a weekly accurrance.

In reality; my D turned straight back into the play school, I didn't even get to say hello to them all, the GC didn't even see me I had to sit down, to collect myself, before walking back to my car and going home, without the dreamt of hugs & kisses and nannie I love you That was a very dark, dark day for me!

The next day, two policemen knocked on my door; I had been accused of trying to kidnap my GD!! I told the police the true story of what had happened and they were very sympathetic. Still I had to sign a document, warning me of an harrassment order!

You are very welcome Nankat