My son in law has walked out

That is very sad Nanny. All you can do is be there for your DD and GC. Try not to say anything against your SIL especially in front of the GC in case with time things are patched up. Behave as normally as you can . With time things will improve. Hugs.

Oh so sad....I'm not good in a crisis, so I really can't offer much advice. My daughter went through the same thing, but when she found out about the affair, she asked him to leave. In her case, the other girl was pregnant ????Hope your daughter is coping....be there for her and her children and offer practical help. Sometimes, she will find it easier to talk to her friends....hopefully, she has got good friends round her.
All the best!

So sorry to read this Nannyto3, so hard for you all, & sometimes it’s harder to bear when it’s our children, as we are helpless to put it right for them. Just being there ,as a big shoulder, with a listening ear & a helping hand with the practical stuff & especially finding out abou rights , finances etc. Best wishes , you will get through it

So sad - you must be very upset for her. All you can do is be by her side; and not take sides in front of the GC - so hard to do!

Keep in close, supportive contact is all you can do really. It's possible your daughter will be feeling unworthy or unattractive right now so a card detailing all that's amazing about her might help to combat those feelings a little.

Your poor daughter and grandchildren. As others have said, just be there to support them. As parents we would rather suffer ourselves than see our children and grandchildren in pain.

Just be there for her and for the girls - they must be devastated too.
How insensitive to paste pictures on social media, I suppose that is the way of the world these days, but does he not realise how hurtful that is?
However, it's best not to take sides whatever you think of him as he is still their father and I hope will want to maintain a good relationship with them. Your DD may have to do that too for the sake of the children.

It will be difficult and she will need your love and support.

I'm sorry to read about this. I feel that "social media" can be like the tabloid Press, a form of gossip and sensational "reporting". She could block her (ex)husband on Facebook (and so could you of course) and also block anyone who feels the need to point out any hurtful comments or posts. Or she could de-register her account.

Nannyto3. I am truly sorry for your daughter. She must be feeling betrayed in many ways.

I am not making light of this horrid situation, but when it happened to me the people who helped me most sort of said I'd been dumped, like I was not the only wife to have married a superficial little man who could do such a thing without a clue as to the damage he caused.

My kids were adults however. I imagine your grandchildren need to hear often that Daddy loves them very much.

Thank you for all your comments. I’m giving all the practical support I can, although not easy being 180 miles away. I’ve come to stay for a few days and she knows I will come whenever she wants.
I just don’t know what to say to her, other than cliches and platitudes.

As everyone else has said be supportive to your DD andGC and don’t say anything nasty about the SinL.
Mine left my DD when she was 7months pregnant and she divorced him. 16 months later they got back together. Thank goodness I managed to restrain my usual opinionated tongue!
You can privately think what a b**** he undoubtedly is but....

That is so difficult Nanny you must be feeling sad and hurt for your daughter and the children. As others have said don't make any adverse comments about your son in law especially in front of the children. He is their father and they will be upset enough. Be there to support and help where you can. I've been there and its hard not to take sides,
I hope your family gets through this ok.

I would never make assumptions about your financial position, but I would only note that legal fees to arrange separations, initial residence and contact arrangements, and to work through the eventual final financial settlement, are not particularly cheap. Family law firms have started in recent years to ask for a chunk of this money upfront, as divorce proceedings can drag on for years from the initial separation and cuts to legal aid means firms are working hand to mouth. It is important for her to find out soon if she qualifies for legal aid and if not, to start to try gathering some money together to even do the initial arrangements for residence and contact for the children. If anyone close to her is able to contribute even a little to her legal costs, I am sure that will take some of the weight off her mind once the initial shock and grief begins to pass.

Mediation is cheap and people friendly, it tries to take the worst sting out of it all. It is fairly quick to get an appt for too.

The other woman hasn't bagged herself any prize has she?

Your daughter's position is pretty secure if there are children under 18, hopefully this will give her time to find someone better for her, or even find more of herself.

Remind your daughter that this is nothing to do with her, but all about a man inadequate in himself who thinks the grass is greener somewhere else.

Sorry to hear your sad news. However you say you don’t know what to say to her, in my experience I would just let your DD lead the conversation let her do all the talking and just listen. She will be confused and wondering if she did anything wrong these are natural thoughts so just let her question and delve into the what if’s as they will come up. I just said I’m here for you and we will get through this.

Be supportive but please discourage her from saying anything derogatory about him in front of the children. Make sure that she realises that she is worth more, her confidence will be destroyed. Make sure that she doesn't stay at home alone too much. There's a whole world out there to explore with her kids.

Heartbreaking for you, as parents we try to heal our kids pain but in situations like this, we just can’t ... so we feel inadequate. Just be a physical and mental presence for them all, it’s his loss, not your daughters and she is worth so much more ?

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. How cruel Facebook is. How cruel people are. She needs lots of love and to be listened too.

Not sure i have much to add, but do encourage her to cut the social media links. And ring her very often, starting the conversation with 'Have you got a minute to talk?' If the kids are around it may be inconvenient, if she doesn't want to talk, she has a get-out.
Good luck

So sorry, poor you, poor daughter and poor grandchildren.

You already have been given so much good advice, but I would like to ask, are the other grandparents involved? It seems a pity if the children lose contact with them because of their father's bad behaviour.

IMO your daughter is better of without her adulterous husband, but you had better not say that to her right now.

You are doing exactly the right things, listening and being there, which is what my parents did for me.
Try not to venture opinions, (yet) and advise her not to rush into any decision, however he behaves.
A horrible time.

I am so sorry its dreadful to see your DD having to cope with this betrayal. All good advice here I am glad you are able to be with her for a while.

All you can do is be there for her and the grandchildren both emotionally and practically.

Would only add to the above seek legal advice about maintainance ,their home etc . Hope she has her own bank account .