Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

Oh Anniebach, what a beautiful memory and what a beautiful daughter she must have been. Sending you warm hugs.

Lovely memory Annie. Have all my Mother’s Day cards from my d and gd cards. Two cards I have kept from my late son, which come out every year.
I will be spending my day with d and gd going to the cinema and onto prezzos for a meal.
No dil.

I wouldn’t expect anything from my Son in law or my Daughter in law. The whole Mother’s Day thing is taken out of proportion. It’s nice to get a card on the day, but quite frankly how my children are to me the rest of the time is far more important. You are being too needy, it’s just one commercial day for the card shops etc. Be grateful you still have a mother as I feel now the day is useless to me, now my mother & MIL are gone.

One day a year. What is really important is the other 364 days.

I agree with most of what you say Marianne but my own circumstances are very sad. My lovely mum died when I was 14 and I still remember the gifts my sister and I bought for her every Mother's Day - lovely memories. But... My own adult children have 'gone off the boil' and I spend Mother's Day being secretly envious of all my friends who have loving families...
Didn't get a card or phone call last year and it hurts, it really does! (I don't agree with all the hype, and I'm not bothered about gifts and suchlike, but I do value lovely words even if written on a scrap of paper ...! Sadly lacking... It's like Christmas when I just want to be asleep for the whole day until it's over!

As for all family occasions, we just get together here and enjoy one another’s company. DH and I cooking, but the AC will bring puddings and alcohol. There’s no hierarchy of mums here, and no rampant commercialism either, just cards and small gifts.

My heart goes out to those of you who’ve lost children.

Mothering Sunday can only be taken out of proportion if you allow it to be.

Have you suggested the meal all together? This will be the first mother's day without my mum as she passed away from dementia related issues last September, so though my son and daughter (both in their 20's) will give me cards, etc, it will be a sad day for me. Whatever happens, just make it work, as together is better than alone, so compromise if it is needed. Hope you have a lovely day, either way.

Well done GNetters. Once again you have inspired me. I have a kernel of an idea to attempt an outreach family gathering. At the moment it feels like a logistics nightmare but I have an itch to turn that into a challenge. It would start by having a date free of special occasions and enough advance notice to ensure maximum attendance. Wish me luck. I anticipate six months-ish??

Good luck, Kim.
Its an excellent idea, as otherwise families often only get together en masse for funerals!

My 2DS,2DIL , DD and boyfriend, together with 4 DGC, are taking Hubbie and I out for lunch on the Saturday before, it is going to be very sad as I lost my DM just after Mothers Day last year. She was such a big part of all our lives, but we have many years of happy and mostly hilarious memories. On Mothers Day itself, Hubbie will watch the rugby, I shall be lazy and have take away for dinner. Leaving our off spring to celebrate and make new traditions with their young families and give them time to see the in laws.

Life is short. Treasure your memories and make new ones; but not at the expense of commercial rubbish. xx

Seriously, do we even need a day to celebrate the fact we are mothers? There are 5 mothers including me in my mix, 2 of those live in Ireland. None of us really put a huge emphasis on having a special day, we all get treated well all year long. A card is more than sufficient or a phone call to celebrate. As families expand we don't become any less special, there is just more in the mix and we have to make allowances to accommodate the growing numbers. Just enjoy the day.

I'd rather be given flowers or treated for meal because they wanted to not because of commercial blackmail. Same at Easter and Christmas.

First of all, my deepest sympathies to all those here who have lost their mum - or worse, I think, an ac. My heart goes out to you.

Maidmarion, I feel for you, also, though, obviously, for a different reason. Any idea why your ac have "gone off the boil" this way? Is it just that they don't see/contact you on holidays or have they pulled away altogether?

Even if it's "just holidays," I know it hurts. Have you let them know that you'd at least like a card or a phone call? Maybe they don't even realize it.

I don't set much store by any of it, sometimes the boys do something, which their sister has organised, flowers or gifts, it really doesn't matter. I speak to them most days, I am here if they need me, if I need them I only have to say.

I am afraid enforced sentimentality passes me by a bit, it was fab when they were little and made me gifts but now its just another commercialised happening.

As for lunch out horrible!!! Other people's kids all squawking, bit like lunch in the parrot house at the zoo.

Annie a lovely memory but also bitter sweet for your Darling daughter.
The mothering instinct is such a powerful force.?

What a lot of fuss! My two daughters are mothers now and indeed both are grandmothers, so I don't expect to see them on Sunday. I may see one who lives near on Sat with flowers, and hopefully get two cards, life moves on crazyH and you must move with it

Interesting post.... I had no idea it was Mothering Sunday on 11.03. I’ve sort of lost touch with it as Australian Mother’s Day is (I think) some time in May. It’s sad what an emotional attachment and weight we have to particular days - it seems as if it only serves to disappoint us. Myself, I am looking forward to International Women’s Day on 08.03 ...

Mother's Day - what a minefield! I used to quite resent the fact that even though I was a mother, I was expected to entertain M and MiL so in fact it was a harder day than normal. I was determined not to put the same pressure on my DDs and DiL so as long as I get a card I'm happy.

crazyH, how about sending Mothers Day messages to all the mothers in your group?

D's, DIL's their M's thanking them for all the work they have put in to taking care of the people who make up your family.

However we "feel" about DIL's, SIL's and their families they are part of the reason we have our DGC.

As long as we know the GC are not in any real danger all those other M's have done a "good enough" job. The M's of DIL's and SIL's gave our GC their other parent.

As long as out GC are doing OK that has to be a reason to be "Thankful" for all the "Mothering" that has happened whoever the mother was.

Awful for those GP's who's GC are in very difficult situations and are powerless/ have limited power to to change things. I'm thinking of all the post about separated families and so on.

Mothers Day is another difficult day of the year for so many people.

Therefor, to all Mothers - Happy Mothers Day. May you find some happiness in the day.

When each of my dd's had children I told them that Mother's day was now about them and not me. Yes, they still send cards, but I am lucky enough to have a brilliant relationship with each of them so one special day a year is not important.

I asked mum what she would like for Mothers Day, and she has given me a list costing 250 quid and added "and the usual flowers", AIBU to think this is totally excessive? She does not do childcare, frequently cancels our weekly afternoon visit to her, and babysits for two hours once a year. So there is not a relationship where I take up a lot of her time and effort, which would make me feel differently about very large gifts. She received a 400 pound necklace two months ago for her birthday from me. Am I just being cheap here? I stay at home so do not have a personal income.

gummybears - I agree, totally excessive and sounds like my mother who insisted on a hat for my wedding that cost more than my dress and made me pay for it too!

I will get lovely gifts and posh chocs from my two sons, and well chosen cards that I treasure. They get in touch with each other and then decide what they will send from both of them They live too far away to visit. Despite all that, and I do know how very lucky I am, I can’t help thinking back to the Mothering Sunday’s of homemade cards, “flowers” - often just colourful weeds! - from the garden, and once a tube of Rolos with just four remaining. I can still feel those little arms around me. THAT was what Mother’s Day was for me.