Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

But Barleysugar, would you want a birthday card in April if your birthday was in August?

Mothering Sunday is a very old tradition , sadly many now think of Mothers Day which is not the same even though on the same day

Personally I have never indulged myself with Mothers Day and as my children got older I’ve confirmed my desire not to get caught up in commercialism! I’m happy for my daughter and Dil to celebrate however they wish. There are a further 364 days in the year to enjoy their company which we do regularly! ??

Gabriella, I’m with you on this one. There is far too much commercialism with all these occasions. You should give cards & gifts when you wish to, not when you are told to.

I agree about over commercialisation of Mothering Sunday.
Have no wish to be in restaurant eating indifferent meal in company of many others either.
I told those of my AC who live in UK that I will be cooking lunch next Sunday. All welcome, but no pressure. If they couldn't make it DH and I would enjoy it together and raise a glass to them.
Am fortunate that DD will come with husband and son, DS too but not DiL in waiting as her mother died far too young and her family prefer to remember her quietly and together. I think it is a day to be “celebrated” as it suits each individual. to those who will have sad days.

I don't do Mother's Day. End of.

IrishRose, the arms may no longer be little arms but they are still the same arms ?

Feel much the same.its not about gifts or cards or fancy meals out. It’s just knowing that you matter and are cared about

I don’t expect to see any of mine. Dd lives too far away and doesn’t do cards, oldest son will probably be doing something with his wife and children but my dil always sends a card. Have not heard from other son but expect he will be with his partners family .
It’s just another day to get through.

As an estranged grandma, from only AC DiL and DGC, I will spend the day quietly, being grateful for all the current mothers I know, family and friends, and also feeling grateful (and raising a glass) to the mothers in my family who have been wonderful.

I am a mother and grandma but do not celebrate Mother's Day - they were brought up by their father to believe it is a lot of commercial nonsense!

gummibears and Emelle, don’t pander to them! I do love a card, with a personal message. I’m lucky enough to get a small gift as well, but that’s a bonus.

I will get lovely gifts and posh chocs from my two sons, and well chosen cards that I treasure. They get in touch with each other and then decide what they will send from both of them They live too far away to visit. Despite all that, and I do know how very lucky I am, I can’t help thinking back to the Mothering Sunday’s of homemade cards, “flowers” - often just colourful weeds! - from the garden, and once a tube of Rolos with just four remaining. I can still feel those little arms around me. THAT was what Mother’s Day was for me.

gummybears - I agree, totally excessive and sounds like my mother who insisted on a hat for my wedding that cost more than my dress and made me pay for it too!

I asked mum what she would like for Mothers Day, and she has given me a list costing 250 quid and added "and the usual flowers", AIBU to think this is totally excessive? She does not do childcare, frequently cancels our weekly afternoon visit to her, and babysits for two hours once a year. So there is not a relationship where I take up a lot of her time and effort, which would make me feel differently about very large gifts. She received a 400 pound necklace two months ago for her birthday from me. Am I just being cheap here? I stay at home so do not have a personal income.

When each of my dd's had children I told them that Mother's day was now about them and not me. Yes, they still send cards, but I am lucky enough to have a brilliant relationship with each of them so one special day a year is not important.

crazyH, how about sending Mothers Day messages to all the mothers in your group?

D's, DIL's their M's thanking them for all the work they have put in to taking care of the people who make up your family.

However we "feel" about DIL's, SIL's and their families they are part of the reason we have our DGC.

As long as we know the GC are not in any real danger all those other M's have done a "good enough" job. The M's of DIL's and SIL's gave our GC their other parent.

As long as out GC are doing OK that has to be a reason to be "Thankful" for all the "Mothering" that has happened whoever the mother was.

Awful for those GP's who's GC are in very difficult situations and are powerless/ have limited power to to change things. I'm thinking of all the post about separated families and so on.

Mothers Day is another difficult day of the year for so many people.

Therefor, to all Mothers - Happy Mothers Day. May you find some happiness in the day.

Mother's Day - what a minefield! I used to quite resent the fact that even though I was a mother, I was expected to entertain M and MiL so in fact it was a harder day than normal. I was determined not to put the same pressure on my DDs and DiL so as long as I get a card I'm happy.

Interesting post.... I had no idea it was Mothering Sunday on 11.03. I’ve sort of lost touch with it as Australian Mother’s Day is (I think) some time in May. It’s sad what an emotional attachment and weight we have to particular days - it seems as if it only serves to disappoint us. Myself, I am looking forward to International Women’s Day on 08.03 ...

What a lot of fuss! My two daughters are mothers now and indeed both are grandmothers, so I don't expect to see them on Sunday. I may see one who lives near on Sat with flowers, and hopefully get two cards, life moves on crazyH and you must move with it

Annie a lovely memory but also bitter sweet for your Darling daughter.
The mothering instinct is such a powerful force.?

I don't set much store by any of it, sometimes the boys do something, which their sister has organised, flowers or gifts, it really doesn't matter. I speak to them most days, I am here if they need me, if I need them I only have to say.

I am afraid enforced sentimentality passes me by a bit, it was fab when they were little and made me gifts but now its just another commercialised happening.

As for lunch out horrible!!! Other people's kids all squawking, bit like lunch in the parrot house at the zoo.

First of all, my deepest sympathies to all those here who have lost their mum - or worse, I think, an ac. My heart goes out to you.

Maidmarion, I feel for you, also, though, obviously, for a different reason. Any idea why your ac have "gone off the boil" this way? Is it just that they don't see/contact you on holidays or have they pulled away altogether?

Even if it's "just holidays," I know it hurts. Have you let them know that you'd at least like a card or a phone call? Maybe they don't even realize it.

I'd rather be given flowers or treated for meal because they wanted to not because of commercial blackmail. Same at Easter and Christmas.

Seriously, do we even need a day to celebrate the fact we are mothers? There are 5 mothers including me in my mix, 2 of those live in Ireland. None of us really put a huge emphasis on having a special day, we all get treated well all year long. A card is more than sufficient or a phone call to celebrate. As families expand we don't become any less special, there is just more in the mix and we have to make allowances to accommodate the growing numbers. Just enjoy the day.

Life is short. Treasure your memories and make new ones; but not at the expense of commercial rubbish. xx