Mother's Day and Family Dynamics

My 2DS,2DIL , DD and boyfriend, together with 4 DGC, are taking Hubbie and I out for lunch on the Saturday before, it is going to be very sad as I lost my DM just after Mothers Day last year. She was such a big part of all our lives, but we have many years of happy and mostly hilarious memories. On Mothers Day itself, Hubbie will watch the rugby, I shall be lazy and have take away for dinner. Leaving our off spring to celebrate and make new traditions with their young families and give them time to see the in laws.

Good luck, Kim.
Its an excellent idea, as otherwise families often only get together en masse for funerals!

Well done GNetters. Once again you have inspired me. I have a kernel of an idea to attempt an outreach family gathering. At the moment it feels like a logistics nightmare but I have an itch to turn that into a challenge. It would start by having a date free of special occasions and enough advance notice to ensure maximum attendance. Wish me luck. I anticipate six months-ish??

Have you suggested the meal all together? This will be the first mother's day without my mum as she passed away from dementia related issues last September, so though my son and daughter (both in their 20's) will give me cards, etc, it will be a sad day for me. Whatever happens, just make it work, as together is better than alone, so compromise if it is needed. Hope you have a lovely day, either way.

Mothering Sunday can only be taken out of proportion if you allow it to be.

As for all family occasions, we just get together here and enjoy one another’s company. DH and I cooking, but the AC will bring puddings and alcohol. There’s no hierarchy of mums here, and no rampant commercialism either, just cards and small gifts.

My heart goes out to those of you who’ve lost children.

I agree with most of what you say Marianne but my own circumstances are very sad. My lovely mum died when I was 14 and I still remember the gifts my sister and I bought for her every Mother's Day - lovely memories. But... My own adult children have 'gone off the boil' and I spend Mother's Day being secretly envious of all my friends who have loving families...
Didn't get a card or phone call last year and it hurts, it really does! (I don't agree with all the hype, and I'm not bothered about gifts and suchlike, but I do value lovely words even if written on a scrap of paper ...! Sadly lacking... It's like Christmas when I just want to be asleep for the whole day until it's over!

One day a year. What is really important is the other 364 days.

I wouldn’t expect anything from my Son in law or my Daughter in law. The whole Mother’s Day thing is taken out of proportion. It’s nice to get a card on the day, but quite frankly how my children are to me the rest of the time is far more important. You are being too needy, it’s just one commercial day for the card shops etc. Be grateful you still have a mother as I feel now the day is useless to me, now my mother & MIL are gone.

Lovely memory Annie. Have all my Mother’s Day cards from my d and gd cards. Two cards I have kept from my late son, which come out every year.
I will be spending my day with d and gd going to the cinema and onto prezzos for a meal.
No dil.

Oh Anniebach, what a beautiful memory and what a beautiful daughter she must have been. Sending you warm hugs.

Annie, what a lovely memory, that was such a beautiful thing for your daughter to do, especially at such a young age. It really is something to make Mothering Sunday a special day for you. Xxx

It's one day out of 365/6. If your children only show you their affection on that one day...it's a poor show.
There are too many of these 'celebratory' days and it's women/females who get their knickers in a twist about family get-togethers, cards, not receiving presents/flowers/phone calls. Men aren't bothered.
Many ladies see it as a slight if no mother's day phone call happens or cards fail to appear on tbe mat, even if their offspring are regular visitors.
Let's just enjoy our children and them us, every day, not just a faux celebration dreamed up by card manufacturers which boosts sales of flowers, gifts, chocolates and meals out which are all massively overpriced at this time.

I think Mother's Day has been built up by card and gift companies into something it shouldn't be. So many adverts show an idealistic family celebration but for many of us that just isn't going to happen. Both my lovely mum in law and my mum died over twenty years ago, my son has never remembered about Mother's Day in his life so I would be astounded if he did now, my daughter is now a Mum herself so I have taken my grandchildren shopping for presents and cards for her. If your children phone/text/call around to see you on other days of the year then surely that is what is important rather than worrying about one hyped up over-commercialised day?

I have cooked Mothering Sunday lunch for our 2 sons, their wives and 4 children for the past............many years. We’ve got the biggest table and DILs are not into cooking! It’s fine, I’ve NEVER EVER been the centre of the day as there were always other mums around......my mum, my MIL, then DILs became mums. I have no desire to be centre and really it’s all far too hyped up and commercialised and that’s what causes people to feel left out. Another of those dates that has been sabotaged by Americans and found its way across here in this exaggerated way. Just another day. ( by the way I cook Sunday meal lots of weeks so it’s just business as usual)

Yes, family dynamics are very complicated. I tell my 2 sons to ensure wives are spoilt, MIL’s too. Both my sons live up to 2 hours away, so I always say that I will combine Mother’s Day with my birthday celebration next month, and they all come to me on that day every year, with all grandchildren etc So I get them all to myself and am spoilt rotten. My daughter lives close and always plans something amazing, including her MIL too. My own Mum, we will take her out on Saturday so that my brother and sister can see her Sunday. It always takes planning in advance to keep everyone happy !!

OP - plan your ideal day and then organise it just for yourself because you are always a mother and deserve to have a day doing exactly what you'd like to do.

Annie, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. Such beautiful memories though! I know you'll treasure them always.

Sorry for ydd's difficulty with having a child, too. Has she considered adoption? Whatever, I'm glad she has a good relationship with odd's kids. That must mean even more now. Best wishes to her!

Crazy, I love the idea of the whole family getting together for a meal! But, no doubt, it's just a dream.

Dd and I usually do that on a small scale - just the 2 of us (two mums) and the GC. But I'm flexible if they want to do something else.

I think that's what we older mums need to do - be flexible. Accept the fact that our ac may just send a card or a gift or make a quick phone call. And be cool w/ seeing them on an alternative date, like the Saturday before or the following Sunday.

I'm glad you don't expect a card from your dils. You're not their mum. I doubt your dss send cards to their mils either. Please stay flexible and enjoy whatever acknowledgments you get.

Happy Birthday in advance, MawBroom!

Anniebach miracles happen, your DD may still have a baby, even without IVF. I do hope your GC cope ok this Mother's Day without their mum & of course you, without your DD. God Bless xx

How very sweet Anniebach I wish you and all Mothers that have lost there DD, a Happy Mother's Day full of sweet memories.

I remember my lost D taking us out for breakfast, she was very young too, paid bill from her savings! I was so surprised with the invite & of course it was lovely

I envy all those GNs who still have their Mothers ... I still miss her even though its 24 years since she left us.

Anniebach, what a great daughter you have ...yes she will always be a Mother....she had that baby in her womb even though it was for a short time xx

Annie, such wonderful memories to bring a smile amongst the tears
I won't see either of my darling daughters on the day. One lives away and is heavily pregnant. She will send a card and telephone. My other daughter is local but she will spend the day with her husband and their little ones. Again she will send as card and small gift and, we will talk through the day.
I will pop to see my own mum (I see her every day). We will have a cup of tea together and an hours chat.
If im honest, I would love to see my daughters but it doesn't happen

What a lovely positive thought your daughter had anniebach. She WAS a mother if only for a brief time

Cherry, my three grandchildren include my younger daughter , she is their Godmother and unable to have children, don't mean to put anyone on a downer but I was so moved and proud of her , a few years ago she had yet another IVF treatment , the day she had to do a test was Mothering Sunday, it was positive , few weeks later she miscarried yet again but she said to me - Mum this Mothering Sunday I was a mother , nothing can take that from me.