Division of labour

My hubby doesn’t do ‘women’s work’ ...or DIY.... he said I can talk till the cows come home...but he won’t do anything.He retired at 50!! with an good pension ...we could never afford a pension for me!! And I carried on working til 64 to keep a roof over our heads till mortgage paid off. He’s a S••• as most people told me..did I listen?

You could leave him Saggi then you would get a chunk of his lovely pension. Food for thought

Saggi....take Barmey's advice ?

Boys' jobs and Girls' jobs - didn't a certain politician get into trouble for mentioning that?

We seem to have fallen into a kind of routine since DH retired (after me), probably from each avoiding the jobs we like least!

If I want vegetables peeled I have to get them out and leave them by the sink so he can't miss them.

Oh - and unlike the Lemongroves we usually go food shopping together now, as we have to travel a distance we have lunch out as well. Food shopping was something he avoided for nearly 40 years so I'm glad of the help nowadays.

"I don’t know where I stand..."

Meaning you don't know exactly what you want to happen? That's first, imo. Do you want him to do half the household chores? Only pick up the slack on Wednesdays? And/or get busy w/ some of those DIY projects? Are there some household chores you would rather he not do? You need to sort out what your position is in your own head, ideally before you talk w/ him. Best of luck w/ him!

Right, Starlady. Thinking aloud now, I would like him to
a) clear up after himself and try to make less mess, especially when I have just cleaned.
B) do more on Wednesdays
C). Get on with the jobs that have been waiting his attention for ages.
After that, it is negotiable.
I don’t expect him to do half the domestic chores, as I would rather he got on with the many things I have no talent for or wish to do. I would rather pay someone.
D) be less selfish and more considerate, more appreciative.

My husband always did the heavy duty cleaning such as showers and bath etc., one he retired, then a couple of years ago he hired a cleaner so he got out of that one. I do pretty much all the food shopping, cooking and laundry, we share the ironing and he washes up and cleans the kitchen after I've been cooking. He does all the small maintenance jobs in the house and garden and will take my car off for a clean when he thinks it looks filthy. We both share the getting up to make the first coffee of the day, he tends to be more hands on with the finances, but keeps me in the picture. We are pretty quid pro quo in our house, I don't have any complaints and he tells me he hasn't either.

*once

Wow, Terri! I can't believe dh hired someone to do his share of the chores! But I suppose, as long as he's seeing to them, it doesn't matter how he goes about it.

Cabbie, I'm glad you figured out what you want. Now, the hard part (perhaps) - you need to have that talk with dh If he doesn't want to talk - and share his pov - then I would just let him know what I expect, Maybe post a to-do list on the refrigerator, Perhaps 2 - one for you, and one for him. Then check off chores as they get done, etc. If he doesn't like it, he can always decide to have that talk.

Yes Starlady sneaky, I was slack jawed when he mooted the idea, but I have to say she's marvellous, and when I feel slightly guilty about it, I can always shrug it off as "not my idea"

Wow, Terri! I can't believe dh hired someone to do his share of the chores
It's no different, really, to a woman hiring a cleaner! My friend has done that because she got fed up of asking her DH to help her move heavy furniture so that she could clean behind it.
Ours gets moved twice a year - by DH, then I clean. Joint effort.

Cabbie When he first retired, DH asked me to write him a list of jobs that needed doing (I think he meant DIY which he enjoys). He preferred to work from a list and it gave him a sense of satisfaction when he ticked them off. He felt a bit lost when he first retired and didn't enjoy it at all, now he seems to be out or busy at home all the time.

And he is not that good at washing up yet does that instead of putting things in the dishwasher. I just quietly transfer them to the dishwasher or re-wash them when he's not looking.

Well dear husband felt that devoting time to heavy duty cleaning was impacting on his golf . I would add that I did all that tedious stuff before he retired but he had the cheek to tell me I wasn't very good at it and he'd apply more elbow grease, anyway he soon got fed up with it, hence the cleaner.

I know I do a lot of things that are very important plus I pay for everything.

I am totally gobsmacked to see this statement here on Gransnet in 2018 . Jim seems to think he has a housekeeper/cleaner/dogsbody. rather than a wife. If that is the case then surely it is time that his Housekeeper retired and, from his vast pension, he paid her a pension of her own.

I am reading the rest of the posts with some envy. Now that EVERYTHING falls to me on top of 24/7 caring, I realise that DH did do quite a lot of the household chores, most of the DIY, everything to do with the car, heavy garden work, the bins and window cleaning.

Granny23
I know I do a lot of things that are very important plus I pay for everything.
with an attitude like that Jim could find himself chuntering away to himself before too long. He may not be as important as he likes to think.

and I presume his DW would be entitled to half his pension

H pulled the "I pay for everything" card once too often. Now one of the things he pays for is a lady to come and do a big clean for me once a week since he would not allow it to be done whilst we was home and I can't get it done properly with toddlers underfoot. I don't know how chuffed he is with this arrangement but tbh it is working out much better for me!

so volunteer elsewhere and get 'her indoors' to do all the borign stuff and then have the total disrespect of

'plus I pay for everything.' wow - you must be a joy to live with.

and half the house, so 'her indoors' wouldn't have so much to clean if they each had a property half the size - and Jim would have to clean his own.
I doubt he'd find another numpty to do it for him.

Well, my DH is an excellent cook, which is a bonus! Housework?!!, No, is the short answer and tbh it is easier than constantly having a fuss about it. He will if I ask, but frankly there's only the two of us now and we don't make that much mess! He does all the heavy gardening, any household repairs, (we had frozen pipes recently) sees to the bill's, (I can if necessary!) walks the dog, gets in logs for the log burner and is pretty easy to live with. I think I'm pretty lucky!

We BOTH pay for everything!

So you pay twice?

No, just a joint account so it's neither here nor there!